The Bride with White Hair



1993 martial artsy romantic drama

Rating: 9/20

Plot: Cho Yi-Hang is a gentle swordsman and the future head of the Wu-Tang Clan. Lien is a trained assassin for a wicked cult led by evil siamese twins. They should want to kill each other, but they instead fall in love and screw repeatedly by a waterfall.

A girl raised by wolves and later trained to fly around and use a whip to chop people in half? Psychotic, shape-shifting siamese twins? Men spontaneously growing breasts? Heads rolling around? Fire? A kung-fu Romeo and Juliet? Who can ask for anything more? Unfortunately, the characters are really uninteresting types, and the production looks really cheap. So much in-studio work here with creepy lighting, one-color backgrounds, and smoke machines, and although there's initially a moody and haunting novelty, it ultimately comes across as a one-note, toneless affair. Pretty dull stuff. The kung-fu wasn't any good either. I liked that whip though. It is difficult to understand how a person can be ripped in half at the torso and not bleed at all but when (spoiler!) siamese twins are ripped apart, they bleed like geysers.

I'm eagerly anticipating a martial arts Merchant of Venice!

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