2008 movieRating: 2/20 (or 20/20. . .I just don't know.)
Plot: It all starts happening in Central Park. A contagion in the air makes people freeze, begin acting silly, and take their own lives. Mark Walhberg's a high school science teacher in Philadelphia who, when he hears the news, flees via train with his wife, a colleague, and the colleague's daughter. They look for a safe place to be but find that the toxin is spreading rapidly. And perplexedly.
This movie has to be a joke. That, or M. Night is just experimenting and trying to find out just how bad his own movies can get. This guy's to the point in his career where he should no longer be allowed to make movies. Let's examine that career:
The Sixth Sense: Enjoyable, but I'm guessing it's really overrated garbage. I've yet to see it twice because I just assume it'll not be good.
Unbreakable: Not good.
Signs: Even more not good.
The Village: Embarrassingly awful.
Lady in the Water: Haven't gotten the privilege to see this one yet, but I'm guessing it's slightly worse than "embarrassingly awful" and slightly better than "should end a director's career."
This one: Really feels like one of those parody movies, like the Scary Movie people decided to spoof Shyamalan. I'm not sure I've seen worse acting in a movie. Imagine if you were talking to a buddy about bad acting and your friend said something dramatic like "Look out, Grandma! It's the chicken-suit killer!" and you said, "No, that's too bad. No acting in a movie would ever be that bad." Well, this acting is that bad. There's not one character in this movie who communicates or acts in realistic, natural ways. And when you combine that bad acting with a laughable script and a ludicrous plot, you've got the perfect storm. There's also a message behind the suckage, and that message is completely heavy-handed.
Disclaimer: I did laugh more while watching this than I've laughed during a movie in a long time. If it turns out that Shyamalan intended this as a comedy, the man's an absolute genius and I will reevaluate and make a rating adjustment. Thinking back at some (unintentionally?) hilarious scenes--a scene where Wahlberg's character starts singing in an inexplicable effort to be admitted into a house, an old woman accusing the main characters of stealing, every single line the army guy says, a scene at a zoo, Leguizamo's character giving a minor character a math riddle to solve, when Wahlberg has a conversation with a plant, the guy arguing the virtues of hot dogs--it almost seems impossible that this isn't a comedy. Oh, man. I actually can't wait to see this movie again! Funnier than that remake of The Wicker Man!
Ok, I just watched the deleted scenes and laughed hard enough to produce tears. There's a scene involving a kid playing a violin that has to be seen to be believed. Maybe the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life! There's no way this movie isn't supposed to be funny!
I think Shyamalan should be banned from ever making another movie (I'm sure Disney would agree with me). I have never seen any director or actor whose career followed such a consistent downward trajectory. I ceased watching this arrogant, pretentious tool's movies after "Signs" (how can aliens navigate the universe and need crop circles to find their way around Earth- and wouldn't they realize the 80 percent of the planet's surface was problematic?). "The Sixth Sense" was an all-time great movie. M Night should have quit while he was ahead. I will never watch "The Happening" but I'm guessing a 2 is about right.
ReplyDeleteTrust me...put this on your see-at-once list. I'm flip-flopping like crazy here, but right now, I'm back to thinking this is a work of genius.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how 'Signs' could make you completely lose faith in Shyamalan. Seems like it would take the 'Signs'/'The Village' one-two punch to do that.
But I don't wanna see this. Avoiding "The Village" was a fool me once kind of thing, and I definitely read reviews before wasting my time with this joker. OK, I'll watch this on your recommendation.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm really upset. I watched this dreck and forgot to watch the deleted scenes. It's hard to believe there are scenes worse than those in this movie, though.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is bad. Shama Lama Ding-Dong sure is a modest fellow. The intermittable cloud and crappy music opening credit sequence ending with "Written, Produced and Directed by a pretentious moron" got me in the mood right away. It wasn't exactly 'The Shining'. You forgot to mention how the plants seem to also be able to control the wind. I have no idea how Mark Walhberg has attained leading man status. He makes Keanu Reeves look like Brando. I just think no self-respecting actor will come near an M Night film anymore. It has gone from Willis to Willis to Gibson to Hurt to Giamatti to freakin' Mark Walhberg. The good news (?) is that soon non-actors will be starring in his self-financed vanity projects. You too could have a new career, but I suggest you change your name and disguise yourself to avoid humiliation like Marky Mark's.
Man this sucked. It's hard to pick the worst scene, but maybe my favorite is at the end when they have waited out the danger for a whole five minutes, want to die with their heads held high, and wantonly risk the life of the little girl they promised to protect the day before. Like they couldn't wait inside for a day or two, or Walberg or the stupid woman with very blue eyes couldn't just risk their own dumb asses. This really sucked. Please don't make me watch any more of this hack's movies (Shyamalan or Walhberg). A 3 (I have to believe he is capable of worse).
But how many laughs did it get out of you?
ReplyDeleteI don't remember any. Does cringing count? I think goofy bad movies are fun but movies by this guy don't get much leeway from me. This one was too much of a pretentious downer unless one enjoys seeing 50 people kill themselves. I do remember smiling a little when the two dorks got shot on the porch though. Oh, and the crazy woman maiming herself was better when I imagined it was Shymalan. Do you think this is a metaphor for his career he is trying to kill?
ReplyDeleteAh here it is........excellent...excellent.
ReplyDeleteYou know the worst thing of all? The Last Airbender actually got a worse rating than this crapfest on Rotten Tomatoes.
Here is how his movies have fared on that site.
6th Sense-----85% positive
Signs---------74%
Unbreakable---68%
The Village----42%
Lady in the Water-24%
The Happening----18%
The Last Airbender-6%
I just want him to make two more movies, to see if they can come up with a negative number for him. I figure his next effort will hit 0%.....and then the final part of his opus will offend enough people to have him murdered on camera by flaying him alive.
I actually have his movies in a slightly different order. I actually enjoyed most of Unbreakable....and thought the 6th Sense was flat out a good movie. So if you switch Unbreakable with Signs, you would have my list.
And the best thing about my ranking is, that it also works in the order he has made his films.
Negative number...that made me laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteI've always wondered if his movies really are getting gradually worse or if people just keep getting more and more disappointed and/or disgusted with him.
But your order looks accurate. I didn't like 'Unbreakable' as much as you did, probably (12/20, I believe) and everything that follows is just another step down. I didn't see 'Lady in the Water' though, so I'm not quite the Shamalongadingdong aficionado. I probably won't see 'Airbender' ever because it looks like it could make me throw up (metaphysically). Is his new movie out yet? 'Devil on an Elevator'? That looked like another rock solid effort.
My order is the same as Barry's (surprise, surprise).
ReplyDeleteThe Sixth Sense -20
Unbreakable -16
Signs -12
The Village -avoided it
Lady in the Water -really avoided it
The Happening -3 wish I had avoided it
The Last Airbender -no frickin' way
I go back to how he has less and less clout pulling name actors as his movies get worse (not the other way around). I said after this film that he would reach the "non-actors" point. Was any name in "The Last Airbender" or his upcoming crap? I wish this guy would just go away.
I will be happy to leave this film, because when I search for it, I come across the 14 (another 14) you gave "Apollo 13", and become frustrated once again. Grrr.
ReplyDelete+Two things:
ReplyDelete1) I fixed the 'Apollo 13' rating for you. I didn't realize my opinion bothered you that much.
2) I don't think you should be allowed to rank movies you've not even seen. How'd you do that?
The non-ranked films were in chronological order. I didn't rank them, but I did judge the quality of the stars and am guessing where they would rank if I were unwise enough to watch them.
ReplyDeleteI am touched that you moved "Apollo 13" one grade closer to what it deserves. Now I just need to harangue you about 20 or so other films (*_*).
Why this movie doesn't have a laugh track is the real tragedy. I actually enjoyed M. Night Shamalamadingdong for most of his first movies. They were like really great books turned into decent movies. You know, when a book gets made into a movie and they leave a bunch of good stuff out just to make 2 hrs long for people with low-attention spans? That's what his movies feel like to me.
ReplyDeleteI thought Sixth Sense did a lot for the horror/thriller genre. Unbreakable and The Village tried to make lightning strike twice and actually just gave us surprise endings that took too long to pay off. Signs was actually one of my best movie theater experiences. Though, I think that was due to the crowd with their jeers and laughter.
I actually liked Lady in the Water a little. I know people think it's the cinematic version of a cat humping a rug, but aside from the crappy acting, it told the story it wanted to tell effectively.
The Last Airbender doesn't exist in the world I choose to live in.
Which brings us to The Happening. I left the theater with my wife and spoke the words: "So, the trees were the villains?...THE TREES???"
You're not Stephen King, M. Night. So stop trying to take arbitrary things and make them scary. I think the scariest movie he could conceive next would be a documentary exploring the destruction of a once respected writer/director.
What about 'Stuart Little'? Did you know he wrote that?
ReplyDeleteEventually, he's going to make a movie as good as 'The Sixth Sense' and 'Unbreakable' which people seem to like. He hit a hilarious rock bottom with 'The Happening' and then made 'The Last Airbender' which I'd rather shoot myself in the head than have to sit through again. But it was probably a better movie. And then the one with Will Smith and Will Smith Jr. which wasn't the worst thing ever. So he's heading back in the right direction!
Lady in the Water...I watched that for the first time recently, back during my hiatus last year. It's here: http://shane-movies.blogspot.com/2013/10/movies-ive-recently-seen-and-hated.html
I would watch that one again before watching Signs, The Village, or The Last Airbender. Or the Will Smith movie. Those are just boring. Lady in the Water was at least kind of funny.