2009 franchise milkingRating: 11/20
Plot: The story of how Jim Kirk, Johnny Spock, and the other people find their way onto the Enterprise. The Uvulas are wreaking havoc in galaxies far far away, and the Star Trekkers have to put a stop to it before they turn planets into black holes.
My first question--best acting performance by a child: Young Anakin Skywalker or Young Spock? I'm not sure I've got the type of bones that would typically be tickled by this thing. I'm not a Star Trek fan. I've seen two of the other movies (don't remember them) and I've seen a few minutes of the television series with Nimoy and Shatner. I've got mp3's of Nimoy and Shatner singing. They're novelty items, but I sure like those a heck of a lot more than I like this movie. I really doubt I'm missing much here by not being a Star Trek fan though (i.e. when a guy introduces himself as Leonard McCoy [sic?], I suppose I was supposed to jizz all over myself; I did recognize some "May the force by with you" type lines that are probably the equivalent of a fanboy reach around) because the movie just isn't good. The acting, and not just from the kid who plays Young Spock, is absolutely terrible, especially during rambunctious action scenes. And they get really stupid things to say. I bet there are plenty of outtakes where the actors couldn't finish their lines because they started giggling inappropriately. Some of this dialogue makes George Lucas seem like Shakespeare. The story is essentially a rip-off of your typical kung-fu movie--fathers' deaths being avenged, etc. The action scenes are implausible. Physics is disregarded, monsters are goofy looking, the space explosions are tiresome, the camera angles are awkward, and the oppressive soundtrack is sonically abusive. The plot isn't great either. A plot twist (I think; do all Star Trek movies have time travel and alternate realities?) seems tired. I also have a problem with a future where cops are flying around, but where we still listen to the Beastie Boys and have the same exact ringtones. But that's nitpicking. There are far bigger problems with this Star Trek nonsense. This, by the way, will be last Star Trek movie I ever see.
Recommended by numerous folk.
Can you help me? I'm trying to figure out how to cut and paste my "ridiculous and have no taste" comment from my response to Kairow, and place it here. Your taste in films is simply beyond my understanding. This is a great (not flawless) action film that reenergizes a classic franchise. I have known several people who did not like or get the original, but really liked this. An 18 for the most entertaining film of 2009.
ReplyDeleteYou must be attracted to silliness.
ReplyDeleteThis is a B-movie hidden beneath layers of big budget. An 18? Yikes.
One question--how can you be entertained when you know exactly how everything's going to turn out? I know that Scotty, Kirk, and Spock are main characters down the road. I'm sure some of the others are too, right? McCoy? You know nothing is going to happen to them. Doesn't that take away a little something?
By the way, my 11 was with a 1 point bonus for a sex scene featuring a green woman.
Did you think Peter Parker or his chick were going to die? How about Jones or his son? How about Obi-wan and Yoda? What's silly are your criticisms. The sex deserved two points.
ReplyDeleteYoda did die. So did Obi-Wan. And Schindler.
ReplyDeleteNo, I didn't think Indy would die, but those movies (even the awful second one) are fun. He "doesn't die" in really fun ways. Johnny Spock and Jim Kirk "don't die" in really boring, predictable, typical-action-movie ways.
I was speaking of the "Star Wars" prequel you preferred.
ReplyDeleteI guess this would have been less silly if there had been more life-saving refrigerators or stupidly-named actors swinging on vines.
Shooby LeBoof is not a stupid name. And I love the refrigerator scene. It's whimsical!
ReplyDeleteI had great fun watching this in the theatre and promptly forgot about it. I think I counted at least 3 literal cliff hangers where people were dangling. I think there should be a 1 dangling person per movie reward. I felt funny as all the dudes delivered their stock lines, funny as if I was touched in a funny place.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah I had fun. Action. 16. I'm sure it would lose at least a point on the small screen.
Have you seen the awful "2012", Larry. There are about 20 near-death escapes in that one.
ReplyDeleteYes, by not knowing Trek lore, you lost out on a lot of jizzing. My pants were sticky and uncomfortable when the credits rolled.
ReplyDeleteThey don't make Star Trek movies for the uninitiated. They make them for the hard core followers who will go see the movies several times, buy the toys, by it on DVD, and then buy it again when they release a new edit with more special features.
It was a big dumb space cowboy show. And in that, they got it right.
17/20
Kairow, your pants are always sticky.
ReplyDeleteSeveral people (including Cory) promised me that I could enjoy this without being a fan of all the other Star Trek stuff. I just thought it was bad, at times laughably bad.
Glad you nerds liked it so much though. Nerds!
It was a bit like telling people, "You can watch "The Two Towers" with out having seen "Fellowship of The Ring".
ReplyDeleteIt was hardcorn nerd porn. The acting was better than I thought it was going to be. I knew what the Kobayashi Maru was in Trek Lore.
If you didn't have the awe, which it sounds like you didn't, it would have been annoying. The constant lens flair alone....
No cory, no real intention of seeing 2012.
ReplyDelete