Edward Scissorhands

1990 movie

Rating: 20/20

Plot: An Avon lady discovers a lonely manchild with scissors for hands when she ventures to the dilapidated mansion to sell her wares. She brings him to her colorful suburban neighborhood. He's instantly the talk of the town as he shows off his mad topiary and tonsorial skills, but not everybody is thrilled to have somebody so different in the neighborhood.

This cry-out against conformity seems a little simplistic and whiny since the first time I watched this, back when Burton's themes resonated with me as I searched for excuses to be a weirdo. But this one's still got a special place in my heart, and not just because it's a beautiful final film appearance for one of my favorite actors or because I'm secretly in love with both Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.

First, the history. I didn't ask girls out on dates when I was in high school because I was smart enough to know that girls don't like weirdos. I might as well have had scissors for hands, too. But there was a girl named Jennifer who I fell for while I watched her ride a merry-go-round, and when this movie came out, I decided to ask her to go see it with me. The very idea sickened her, naturally since I was wearing a rayon shirt when I asked her and couldn't keep my nose from running. She didn't say no exactly; she just sort of laughed until I went away. I got in my parent's mini-van which for some reason I had driven to school and started home. I didn't make it though because I was driving way too fast on a gravel road, something that I don't believe they warned me about in the driver's training manual, and flipped the van upside-down into a ditch. I sat there upside-down for a while and thought about whether or not I should see Edward Scissorhands by myself. I decided against it.

But enough about me. Nobody reads this blog because they want to find out more about me. Heck, nobody actually reads this blog, but if they did, it would be for my expertise on all things cinematic. This movie's Tim Burton's finest hour. It's got my favorite Hollywoody score, Danny Elfman at his most Danny Elfmanest. It's also got all these terrific pre-CGI sets, from the sprawling and oh-so-colorful suburban hell suspended in time to the contrasting house of Vincent Price. And that shrubbery! There are little touches that I like, too, like the car choreography as the men of the neighborhood head to work and Edward's fireplace "bedroom" collage. Speaking of Vincent, his scenes are touching. His character is a spiffy dresser, really pulling off that ascot, and you've got to love the elaborate way he makes cookies. That's such an awesome scene, Vincent shuffling and watching the cookie-making mechanism and almost moving to Elfman's music. His death scene makes me cry although admittedly, I cry from the beginning of this movie. But why did he give Edward scissors for hands in the first place? Why would that have ever made sense?

This is my favorite Winona Ryder, too. I've admitted before that the only reason I wrote "Speedwalk Fantasy" and wanted to start an alternative rock band was because I wanted to sleep with Winona Ryder. Love her look in this so much. During the dancing-in-the-snow scene, spinning Winona's got this almost classic silent beauty look. I love a scene where Depp looks at Winona Ryder's picture for the first time.

Oh, while I'm thinking about it, here's some more Shane trivia: Kevin, Winona's little brother, has the same baseball sheets I had as a kid.

This one also appeals to my quirky sense of humor. I like the freak slapstick of the displaced character and can't help smiling every time I think about Edward slamming his head into the window on the drive home, poking the water bed, or trying to put on a pair of pants. Alan Arkin is hilarious as the dad, especially his reaction and first line while he watches Edward eat. I also love how he just sits in a lawn chair and watches bowling in his backyard because in this Burton world, that's really pretty normal. "No no no. That's a terrible idea." "We don't want him rusting up on us." Fantastic delivery.

This has a much darker second half that almost clashes with the fairy tale-ish and comic first half, and you really have to be willing to suspend your disbelief to get any enjoyment out of this. For instance, a black cop in this neighborhood? That just doesn't seem believable. And where the hell does Edward get all the ice at the end of this movie?

But I cry every single time I watch this movie. I cry because Tim Burton and his characters pull just the right heart strings. I cry because Jennifer would never have had any interest in seeing this movie with me. And I cry because Winona Ryder would never have had any interest in sleeping with me no matter how high "Speedwalk Fantasy" charted. Even the old woman Winona Ryder who, by the way, I'd still want to bang.

5 comments:

  1. I cry at this movie, because every time I see it I realize how much time I have wasted watching it.


    THIS is the movie you give a 20 to? This treacle fest? Tim Burton at his absolute worst, with an almost endless display of quirkiness. Oh look, he has scissors for hands...isnt that quirky? Oh look he can make topiary better than anyone..more quirk. The villagers are gathering torches to kill little Edward...lets count how many are quirky? Oh all of them. From the pastel looks of everything, to the entire cast just exuding whimsy, its a movie that requires and insulin shot big enough to bring down a bull elephant. This was where it all began for the Johnny Depp/Tim Burton collaborations, and everything bad about them is on display here. (And very little of the good) This movie was the "It" film of its era, with its feelings of sweeping romance mixed in with its hipster cool feel. I disliked it then, and have gradually come to hate it as time has gone on.

    It gets a ten from me. A "D" minus. One and a quarter stars.

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  2. 20/20? wow. Don't think I've seen it since the theater but even without reading yr review I will re-watch it because apparently Barry hates it. Oh wait, I was thinking of Cory.

    Treacle fest. We will have a Treacle Fest in our book.

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  3. I thought you met Jennifer in Bible college. Man, I need to do research. And my whole Speedwalk Fantasy tenure seems like it was done under false pretenses. When I was that age all my affections went to Audrey Horne aka Sherilyn Fenn!

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  4. Different Jennifer! There have been truckloads of Jennifers.

    And just to be clear: "Speedwalk Fantasy" wasn't written for or about Winona Ryder. It was written because I wanted to be an alternative rock star so that I could get in her pants.

    Hmm. Nobody seems to agree with my 20/20 here.

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  5. I get why Barry hates this and Shane loves it, but I was suprised by how much I liked it. The sets, score, and innocent romance are creative and touching, and Depp's performance is sweet and moving. I have no idea why he got scissors, and I'm too tired to figure out any metaphors or allegories at work here. I just know that I'm a sucker for a sweet love story set to a beautiful soundtrack. This was obviously a film that is close to Burton's heart, and it kind of touched mine. A 16.

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