Tangled

2010 Disney movie

Rating: 15/20 (Jennifer: 18/20; Emma: 20/20; Abbey: 20/20)

Plot: Poor Rapunzel. Her fake mother keeps her trapped in a lonely tower in order to take care of the Fountain-of-Youth-like powers of her golden tresses. She watches floating lanterns on her birthday every year, not even aware that they're released by the king and queen for her. A handsome thief stumbles upon her tower while fleeing from a horse, and she sees him as her chance to see the world for the first time.

It's amazing how lively and fresh this one seems for something that borrows so heavily from all the other Disney princess movies. You've got very similar stock fairy tale characters, an anthropomorphized animal sidekick, a big romantic "Whole-New-World-Boat-Ride-Ballroom" scene, action scenes that seem like they could be identical to action scenes from other Disney movies. But this one puts all these pieces together in a way that really works and gives this one some vibrancy. I really like most of the characters. Rapunzel's now getting my vote for hottest Disney princess with those cute big eyes and beautiful hair that she can use to tie you to a chair with if she's feeling frisky. And a makeover at the end makes her even cuter! The guy's that typical bad-guy-only-on-the-outside type, but he's at least a hero you can root for from the beginning until the end of this one. The animated couple has good chemistry, and their developing romance feels more real here, probably because Disney gives it more of a modern spin to appeal more to contemporary kids, than in most of their princess movies. The "mother" bad guy is funny as that typical overly-judgemental and overly-protective mother, and I thought the anthropomorphized horse was fun. This story moves briskly, has action and humor, and has some lovely computer animation. My only complaint would be with the songs which I thought were just awful, the only exception being the big "Dream" number in the pub filled with ruffians. That was a fun scene and included voice work by Brad Garrett, Jeffrey Tambor, and Richard Kiel. That's right--another Richard Kiel spotting.

And now, here's how I'd rank the Disney princesses by how much I would, if I were a cartoon man, want to have sex with them:

1) Rapunzel
2) Mulan
3) Jasmine
4) Ariel with legs and no voice
5) Belle
6) Pocahontas (I've not seen her movie though)
7) Tiana
8) Cinderella pre-transformation
9) Ariel with no legs and a voice
10) Aurora
11) Cinderella after the transformation
12) Snow White

It should be noted that if the fairy godmother counted as a Disney Princess, she would be between Ariel and Jasmine.

How's my list compare to yours?

9 comments:

  1. coryDecember 30, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    It is a surprising solid and enjoyable film. Good review. A 16.

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  2. rio blanco racingDecember 30, 2011 at 5:41 PM

    i told you Jesse is the sexiest. i will have to think of other cartonn characters i would have sex with

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  3. rio blanco racingDecember 30, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    i told you Jesse is the sexiest. i will have to think of other cartonn characters i would have sex with

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  4. ShaneDecember 31, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    Jesse is not a Disney princess! If we were looking at female cartoon characters in general...actually, I don't want to think about that. But Jesse wouldn't be very high on that list anyway.

    Neither of you gave me your Disney princess list, by the way. Play along!

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  5. jennypotpieDecember 31, 2011 at 3:04 PM

    cinderella pre-transformation is NOT a princess....

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  6. rio blanco racingDecember 31, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    elinore from wizards maybe jessica rabbit. i use to have a huge crush on daisy duck, she's a duck though i would be more likely to eat her now than do her.

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  7. rio blanco racingDecember 31, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    elinore is a princess just not disney. i like em a little plumper than your skinney barbie ideal

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  8. ShaneDecember 31, 2011 at 5:15 PM

    Good point, Jennifer! Now where's your list of Disney princesses you'd most like to have sex with?

    Elinore? I didn't remember any females in Wizards, just guys with beards. But I looked her up, and that's a fine choice.

    You'd boop Betty Boop though, right?

    Jessica Rabbit? C'mon, man. I expect more originality from you. That one's too easy.

    Daisy Duck? There ya go!

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  9. KairowJanuary 10, 2012 at 6:02 AM

    I tried to come up with a list of Dreamworks Animation ladies I would cast for a dance in my pants.

    But most of those movies star animals.

    It would have come off creepy.

    Even compared to Shane's list, it would still be creepy.

    I know I saw "Tangled", but I don't really remember anything, except not hating it.

    So, an 11?

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