Rocky II

1979 sequel

Rating: 12/20

Plot: The world champion's pissed following the improbable conclusion to the last movie. People are questioning whether Creed really deserved the decision, and his ego can't take it. He pressures our titular hero into a rematch. Rocky's reluctant, and his manager and wife aren't happy with the idea. Family pressures and an inability to read become other obstacles that Rocky must overcome, and there's only one thing that can save him--a leather jacket with a tiger on it!

I'll argue that Rocky inexplicably seems more lucid the more he gets hit in the head, but that tiger jacket? Nobody in his right mind is going to see that thing and think it's a good idea. He also proposes to Adrian ("Yo, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind marrying me very much."), clumsily, at the zoo in front of a tiger who looks to be embarrassed that he has to be in the movie, and Gazzo's driver in the first movie told us that the zoo is where retards like to go. Remember: driver's words; not mine. Later, we get the classic "I never use condominiums" line, Rocky's admittance that he can't "tell time real good" [sic], and the reading "It makes me smeal mainly" from a cue card. And there's that Tarzan yell again, something that's got to be scripted. So the answer to another character's question "Do you think you had brain damage?" would still have to be a definitive yes, but his brain still seems stronger than it did in the first movie, a trend that will oddly continue through the first four of these movies.

This is very much a case of "second verse, same as the first." We start by showing the end of the first movie again, something that happens in all the rest of these Rocky movies and in The Karate Kid II. There are more Jesus allusions, and the biggest difference is that we get a more offensive, improbable Hollywood feel-good ending. Now, I'm not a boxing expert (there was a time when I did watch a lot of boxing though), and I've never even been in a fight, but I might know more about the sport than Stallone's character here. If somebody is punching me, I'd at least know to put my hands up and protect my face. The boxing match that ends this chapter in the story could only happen in a movie. But more offensive than that to my sensibilities is the whole Hollywoody Adrian coma nonsense even though we get to see a premature baby with more hair than Mickey and hear what might be the worst poem ever recited on film. Am I a bad person for laughing during that scene? I like that the Apollo Creed character has two sides here--the showman and the more classy other side. And initially, I thought Burgess Meredith's Mickey was going to save this thing. The more Mickey we got--"He'll hoit ya poymament!"; "A good snarl can give you what the Bible calls a psychological edge."--the better. Later, I changed my mind about that as Mickey turned into more of a parody. Still, Burgess Meredith is the best thing about this movie.

My idea for how this should have ended: At the 1:30 mark, while Rocky is running and being chased by about a thousand children, he's struck by a truck and dies instantly. That would have saved us all from a lot of nonsense.

One more thing: I'd like to live in a place where guys sing around burning trashcans.

4 comments:

  1. Ya stole my grade. But thats good, because it makes me feel more like my opinion is fact.


    I barely gave it that 12, only because the Rocky character is still somewhat recognizable from the first movie. You can see how Sylvester Stallone really is a mediocre director especially when you compare the feel of this movie (Sterile, melodramatic in a Wuthering Heights sort of way) versus the real world that John Alvidson gave us in the first movie. I really hate how they ignore the central theme of the first movie, which is heart and courage can overcome superior talent especially since that superior talent is not taking Rocky seriously. Instead Rocky gets even BETTER in this movie, despite him getting far less training time, and Creed gets worse, despite him being the better fighter now putting his all into this match. If Stallone had any guts, he would have had Rocky get the crap kicked out of him, still go the distance, but be proven what he always was...a decent fighter who got lucky that one time, and now has to live the rest of his life.

    Stallone is a flat out bad director. I need to say that again and again. The scenes with the priest, with Rocky praying over Adrian, with Adrian telling him to go win...all of them are done like Ed Woood directing a boxing movie.

    Carl Weathers is the real star here, and I wish his career had gone better, because his charisma and acting is light years better than Stallones.


    Told ya I had something to say about these movies. Never fear.

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  2. Yeah, liked Carl Weathers.

    I just got finished with Rocky V. Wow. That's all I can say right now. Rocky V looks more like Ed Wood's work than this one...

    I don't know if I'd agree that the theme changes. He's still outclassed significantly and wins because of his heart and apparently a head made out of steel. You're right about the general feel being all different though, but I'm not sure I thought about it until reading your comment. From the first shot of the first movie in that church or wherever he's boxing (starts with that shot of Jesus), you get a consistent tone. The grittiness of the first movie is replaced with syrup, and when Stallone tries to return to the grit, it just fails and smells like Hollywood.

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  3. I am a sucker for the first three Rocky movies. I love the music (especially the score over the ambulance ride). I love the fight scenes (rehash of the first films' ending and triumphant ending in this). And I care about the characters that get more and more fleshed out...except Paulie...I frickin' hate Paulie. This movie does have an hour of downer to get through, but that's what fast forward is for. It is much more Hollywoody manipulative, and either you buy it or you don't, but I give this a 16 for the scenes and characters I love.

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  4. Dang it, I hate Paulie too! And he's in all of these!

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