1967 monster movie
Rating: 5/20
Plot: A magazine mogul wants to take a volcanic island and turn it into a resort spot called "Playmate Land." After exploring the island, scientists bring back a baby monster and bring it back home. Its parents get pissed off and come looking for it, destroying all kinds of architecture in the process. Can they reunite the destructive monsters with their offspring before it's too late?
From Wikipedia: "In the scene where the Gappas rise from the ocean into a city, one of the Gappas was carrying an octopus in its mouth, hoping to bring food to its missing offspring, assuming it was found (this scene was meant to be humorous)."
I was wondering about that. I completely missed that the makers of Gappa: The Triphibian Monsters or whatever the hell this movie wants to call itself were trying to be funny. I did wonder why one of the monsters had what I thought was a squid hanging from his chin. I thought it was like a waddle or something that helps distinguish between the male and female monsters, but it was shot off awfully easily by one of the toy tanks. I apparently assumed incorrectly that this was unintentionally funny. The two-monsters-destroying-miniatures mayhem wasn't terribly done, but there was nothing special about it. The other effects were mostly embarrassing. There's a volcano on "Playmate Land" that made me laugh every time I saw it. I've seen science fair volcanoes that are more realistic than that one. Speaking of that island, I can't figure out the title of this movie at all. First, there are multiple monsters, not just one. Second, nothing about the island makes me think it's prehistoric. There's an English-dubbed tribe there. The bearded leader of the tribe (Bumon Koto in his only role) is very good and says, "Are you Japan people?" at one point, and there wasn't a Japan in prehistoric times. And third, the monsters aren't from a planet. They're from an island, one that some guy wants to name "Playmate Land." Oh, that guy's model of "Playmate Land," complete with little plastic animals and a recording of bird sounds, might have been the best special effect of the movie. The characters certainly say "Playmate Land" enough, and if I had seen this previously, I could have invented a drinking game where I drank a shot every time somebody said "Playmate Land" and ended up completely smashed and weeping by myself instead of just soberly weeping by myself. But maybe the endless repeating of "Playmate Land" was part of the intentional humor of Monsters from a Modern-Day Volcanic Island or whatever the hell this movie is called. There was a character inserted into this mess who was obviously there for comic relief. He was irritating, the Jar-Jar Binks of Big Bird Things from Playmate Land. Those bird things are more goofy than menacing, by the way, and the bird noises they make are just grating, really some of the worst noises that I've ever heard. And I work with middle schoolers! Sometimes, they sound like a bird in a lot of pain, sometimes they sound like a human being imitating a bird in pain, and sometimes it just sounds like a stylus being moved across a record really repeatedly. The dialogue--poorly translated, I reckon--is equally painful.
Guy: Look at this. A lake under a volcano.
Girl: Are we dreaming?
Guy: [grabs girl's arm] We're here. See.
I will say this about this movie. The reunion with the baby at the end is one of the most touching moments in the history of guys-in-rubber-giant-bird-costume cinema.
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