Rating: 15/20 (Lance: 2/20)
Plot: In an effort to battle cane grubs that were ruining crops, the titular toads were brought in to Queensland. They didn't do much to get rid of the grubs, but they did reproduce like crazy and are now ubiquitous and, for a lot of Australians, annoying.
Lance earned himself a detention which, because I'm too lazy to turn in paperwork, ended up being in my room. I'd had this for about a week, and it was the third time I had a copy from Netflix. The other two discs were cracked. I had to watch it and get it in the mail, so I let Lance watch it during his detention. Since there is some pretty graphic cane toad sex, I probably shouldn't have. And this is now, believe it or not, the second time I've shown a video featuring necrophilia to eighth graders, so it's surprising that I still have a job. Toad necrophilia, and the kid only gives it a 2/20?
This starts like a typical documentary, but there's a lot of weirdness here. The interviewees have lines like they think they're in a Christopher Guest movie, stuff about getting "those cane grubs by the balls." I liked a scientist who, right before he popped one of the toads poison sacs to demonstrate the cane toads' poison sacs, said, "You should wear glasses if you're going to engage in this kind of behavior." He also warns that "children being what they are will probably put them in their mouths and suck on them." Another odd character smokes the toad poison, claiming that it allows him to see the world through the eyes of the toad. Another guy imitates the toad's courting noises and claims, "I've had 'em try to mate with my foot." He also reminds us that cane toads can't fly and almost, I think, starts laughing. Speaking of their mating sounds, one guy really likes these toads, especially that sound. He's almost in tears while talking about these things. A reference to Lady Diana and Prince Charles and a gift of a toad-skin-bound book, a failed attempts at a statue, a staged sequence with a guy showering that is edited Psycho-esquely like a horror movie, another staged scene with "Edgar," a dead cat story, a stuttering guy talking about goldfish, and other oddness make this a fun little documentary about something that I actually have no interest in. Oh, and there's a scene where a cane toad eats a mouse that had me pumping my fist. The scene in my room was like this:
Me: Oh, yeah! He's going to get him!
Lance: [silence]
Me: He's going to get him! Come on! Come on!
Lance: [silence]
Me: Eat him! Come on--get him! Here it comes!
Lance: [silence]
Cane Toad: [Gets him]
Me: [Fist pump!] Yeah!
Lance: There's something wrong with you.
Yes! Now that Cane Toads is up, you have officially surpassed Roger Ebert in my estimation of film critics.
ReplyDeleteI have to point out a typo, though - surely you didn't mean to give Bernie a higher rating than this immortal masterpiece? I mean, Bernie was alright, but it's no Cane Toads.
Speaking of Australia, I read a really good review of Wake in Fright. Haven't seen it yet, but it promises to expose the dark, drunken heart of the Aussie.
I did just see Paper Moon, which has nothing to do with toads or morticians. It was so good, though, I had to recommend it even as I was attacking your ratings scheme.
You're probably right, Matt. I mean, about surpassing Roger Ebert. And Cane Toads probably shouldn't have gotten bonus points for toad sex scenes.
ReplyDeleteI love 'Paper Moon' but I haven't seen it in several years so it's not on the blog. I'll remedy that!