Rating: 7/20
Plot: Bruce Lee has died and ends up in hell with James Bond, Zatoichi, Dracula, Clint Eastwood, a bunch of mummies, Popeye, the Exorcist, the Godfather, Emmanuelle, the one-armed swordsman, and Kain. Some of the above are attempting a coup, and Bruce Lee has to stop them. And the devil has an earthquake machine.
In order to fully appreciate the beauty of this Brucesploitation craziness, you have to keep in mind that the makers claim it was "dedicated to the millions who love Bruce Lee," as if the whole thing was done to honor the man's legacy. First, they put him in hell. Second, they team him up with Popeye and have him getting beat up by the Chinese Clint Eastwood. This stars Bruce Leong, one of the handful of Lee imposters who starred in these things. He looks nothing like Bruce but has some sweet moves. Of course, they logically explain why he doesn't look the same. They also give him a humongous erection as a corpse which is really a nice touch, especially considering this is a movie dedicated to the millions who love Bruce Lee. The other characters? Well, Popeye's first bit of screen time is almost more shocking than anything in Se7en, the one-armed swordsman is sans sword, Dracula is a Chinese guy in white face who wanders around in the daylight, James Bond gets the theme music but unfortunately only lasts approximately 14 seconds in his final fight, and Emmanuelle says things like "I'm such a silly little pussy; you can spank my body if you want to." There are some dudes in skeleton suits which are kind of cool, and they must be where the Cobra Kai guys got their Halloween costume inspiration. There's a real skeleton, too, in one of the more ridiculous effects you'll ever see. I was also fond of watching the fake Bruce Lee battling mummies. Yes, they looked silly, but it was a cool visual against a backdrop of stone. Not sure why they needed to add footstep sound effects since they're fighting on sand. Of course, this is a hell where the devil can shake a pillar and cause earthquakes and there are people with fuzzy animal heads, so footsteps in the sand are far from the silliest thing going on here. I also caught a likely-unsanctioned Pink Floyd sample with the echoing laughter repetition that happens at the end of "Bike" on Piper at the Gates of Dawn.
Greatest thing about this movie (or perhaps any movie): "The third leg of Bruce Lee"
In case you're having problems finding this, be aware that it is also known as Deadly Hands of Kung Fu. You're welcome.
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