Bad Movie Club: The Devil's Rain

1975 devil movie

Rating: 6/20 (Fred: 4/20 [lowered it to a -5/20 due to the lack of a virgin sacrifice, however], Johnny: -5/20; Libby: 666/20 [obviously, my friends don't take my rating system seriously--she did say 6/20 later]; Josh: 6/20 [for the Devil's lack of storytelling]; Jeremy: 3/20 [watched only part of the movie and had no sound for a lot of it])

Plot: Satanists collect souls in a globe, and William Shatner and Tom Skerritt decide to fight back after their family is terrorized. Or something. I guess this is why I'll never be asked to write plot synopses for the backs of dvd covers.

It was Bad Movie Club vs. The Devil week! And I think we lost. This movie made very little sense to any of us Bad Movie Clubbers probably because, as Josh pointed out, it had absolutely no exposition. It was just Bam! William Shatner looking all serious! Then, Bam! Old man! Then, Bam! Guy melting! Then, Bam! William Shatner going to a ghost town and getting molested by devil worshipers, one who apparently is John Travolta in his first movie. I'd argue that the movie not only lacks an exposition but doesn't really have an ending that makes sense either. There was the titular Devil's Rain and then an insane devil's plot twist that left me scratching my head, not because I was confused but because I was checking to make sure I hadn't sprouted a goat horn or two because apparently that's something that happens. Just ask poor Ernest Borgnine. Borgnine looks lost and confused by this production. Shatner seems right at home in this, the second Bad Movie Club pick we've seen featuring the maestro. Travolta, sadly, only has a blink-and-you'll-miss-'em part in this although he's featured prominently on recent dvd covers, probably to get the Scientologists reaching for their wallets. And how do you draw in the Satanists? Easy! Get Anton Lavey to make a cameo appearance. Unfortunately for his "religion," this movie makes it into something slightly more embarrassing than Mormonism. Of course, this wasn't made to convert people to Satanism. No, this was made to thrill audiences with scenes of melting that will make the conclusions of The Wizard of Oz and Raiders of the Lost Ark look like they were made by a kid horsing around with 43 dollars and 95 cents worth of Play-Doh. That's why the ending with the special effects to make it look like people were melting from, I can only assume, the titular precipitation, lasted about 25 minutes. They leaned pretty heavily on that effect. They also went all-in on their twist ending by throwing out the following tagline:

"Absolutely the most incredible ending of any motion picture!"

That's the type of tagline that makes it completely impossible to deliver the goods. I mean, everything is going to be a let-down after that build-up, isn't it? "Most incredible ending of any motion picture!"? It's not and arguably not even "incredible" at all, but compared to the tagline on the poster up there--"Heaven help us all when The Devil's Rain!"--it's perfectly logical. Seriously, just try to figure that out. Heaven help us all when the devil IS rain? Heaven help us all when the devil's rain. . .the devil's rain does what? Maybe you have to imagine it in a William Shatner-esque cadence? Speaking of Shatner's magical delivery, here's a list of my favorite things that my friends said this week because I'm really too lazy to put together any more coherent thoughts about this movie:

Josh: "Apparently Shatner is in the middle of a sentence...this is the longest pause ever, though."
Johnny: [about Shatner] "Just look at this majestic bastard."
Josh: "This is the Wilhelm Whine."
Me: "Weather forecast called for just rain, but this looks like DEVIL'S RAIN!"
Fred: "We are really lost having not seen Devil's Rain 0."
Josh: "I think we missed The Devil's Rain 1: It's Getting Cloudy."
Libby: "Is this the movie Tom Hanks is watching in The Burbs?" (I guess we need to verify this one.)
Libby: "I was a little lost in Skerrit's stash there for a sec. . ." A little later--"Look at that tight little ass!" (The raw sexuality of Skerritt seemed to be the only thing keeping Libby awake actually.)
Johnny: "Tom's fighting style relies heavily on using his crotch."
Jeremy: "Fun fact: Shatner refused to wear a shirt in this scene."
Johnny: "Is this a Yankee Candle origin story?"
Me: "Special effects provided by Travolta's plastic surgeon." And--"M&M's needed to do product placement here. M&M's: Melt in your mouth--not in the Devil's Rain."
Fred: "So really wouldn't this be God's rain?" (It's a fair argument.)
Libby: "I'm in the mood for some cheese fondue."

See? Look at how much fun you're missing by not joining us Sunday nights at 9:30 Eastern Time. I forgot to mention my favorite actor in this: Woody Chambliss as an old man. He seemed so familiar, but other than a small role in Greaser's Palace, I can't find anything on his filmography that I would remember him from. Well, obviously unless I have some repressed memories of watching reruns of Gunsmoke. And I suppose that's possible. I've repressed a lot. I can only hope that I'm able to do that with this movie.

Guess who this is!

Borgnine Goat!

By the way, if you don't think this write-up makes a lot of sense, compare it to The Devil's Rain.