Mommie Dearest

1981 biopic

Rating: 15/20 (Jen: 10/20)

Plot: Joan Crawford doesn't like wire hangers.

Over-length is the biggest issue with this biopic of Christina Crawford, based on her memoir about growing up as the adopted daughter of an apparently cray-cray Joan Crawford. I'm surprised that this was the first movie to sweep the Razzie Awards, especially since Faye Dunaway's performance, though often a little baffling, is actually really good. Dunaway transforms into the titular mother, throws every ounce of her being into the role, and delivers something that you will always remember even if you don't think it's very believable or any good. And that's worth something. Seriously, go ahead and find me a performance by an actress that is like this one. I loved it, every single out-of-key note, and I don't even care if it was accurate. How can anybody--and I'm looking at you, Razzies people--watch the magical scene at a board meeting where she screams, "Don't fuck with me, fellows! You forget that this is not my first time at the rodeo!" and not fall in love with this performance? Or when she chillingly tells poor Christina, after she failed to give her an authentic "Mommie Dearest," that when she told her to call her that, she wanted her to mean it. And "No. . .wire. . .hangers. . .ever!" is one of those scenes where you fear the actress is going to jump right through your television screen, search your own closet for wire hangers, and strangle you with one that she finds. I was also impressed with Mara Hobel as the child Christina Crawford although Diana Scarwid wasn't great. Hobel nails a "Jesus Christ!" after the aforementioned wire hanger infamy, and a lot of scenes with her are tough to watch because it seems like she's really undergoing considerable abuse. A scene featuring a haircut, for example, is really difficult to watch. Speaking of abuse, the reason why this movie has a bad reputation is probably because it manages to make child abuse, more than likely unintentionally, a little funny. Again, I'll reference that wire hanger scene, and there's another scene with some recurring raw meat that made me laugh, albeit uncomfortably. Of course, the absurdities of these situations help strengthen the idea that child abuse in any form or degree, is not just evil but absurdly evil. One could bring up the question of whether this kid had any right to complain though. I mean, she gets a birthday party with an organ grinder and a monkey, knife jugglers, and a carousel. I went into this expecting a bad movie, and I was surprised when it was actually a good one, carried by a memorable performance and memorable scenes. People might make fun that I liked this as much as I did, but you know what? Those people are all wrong, and I'm all right. Suck it.

Surprisingly, this is the first review I've ever written that's ended with "Suck it."