Bad Movie Club: Robo Vampire

1988 science fiction horror "movie"

Rating: 3/20 (Libby: 2/20; Johnny: 1/20; Josh: 1/20; Fred: 1/20; Jeremy: no rating)

Plot: Yeah, I'm not even going to try. There's a Robocop-type character, a bunch of hopping vampires, a ghost woman in a sheer nightgown, a guy in a gorilla mask, drugs, shady criminals. Honestly, I'm not even sure who or what is supposed to be the titular robo vampire.

Look at that fucking poster. You're thinking to yourself: There is no way this movie can fail. A Robocop rip-off is fighting Japanese helicopters? And there are helicopters? No way this movie isn't the greatest thing human beings have ever accomplished if that poster is even halfway accurate. Well, that movie is accurate although I don't remember a single helicopter. And hopping vampires, even if you've seen them in other movies and even if they're actually more like zombies, always bring the funk. And that's especially true if they've got sparklers up their sleeves, a special effect that gives the monsters the ability to put sparklers up their sleeves. There's kung-fu action, explosions, guys with mustaches, visible nipples, weapons, guys with mustaches exploding, more kung-fu, and a guy stumbling around in silver sweatpants. This was our second Godfrey Ho movie in a row for Bad Movie Club, and that guy's notorious for splicing together movies. This feels like about four different movies thrown in that Godfrey Ho blender and mashed together into something completely incomprehensible. Character motivations are impossible to discern, seemingly-important plot points completely disappear, people who seemed dead pop back into the picture, and--probably the most unfortunate thing--the movie really doesn't end. This will be frustrating to anybody looking for a good story, but people probably don't watch movies like this for their stories anyway. They watch it to see zombies hopping and ridiculous action sequences, and this has both of those things covered.