13. Braveheart, 1995
Why I haven't seen it: I was watching movies at this point, but it's too long, I was not much of a Mel Gibson guy, and the title is dopey. Braveheart? Sounds like a fucking Care Bear, doesn't it? I don't think I'll ever see this movie because I really have no interest in watching a half-assed Tobias Funke battle a Care Bear with a phallic symbol.
12. The Jazz Singer, 1927
Why I haven't seen it: I'm not sure because, as the first talkie, it's historically important. Plus, I love blackface. Maybe I subconsciously blame this for filmmakers deciding that all films needed talking characters even if they didn't have anything interested to say. Words are overrated, and I can get away with saying that because I'm an English teacher. Anyway, if the poster is accurate at all, this is a movie about a contorted gentleman singing to an elderly women while accompanying himself on a piano and therefore something I should see immediately.
11. The Apu Trilogy, 1955-59
Why I haven't seen it: I can't find Bengali on a map. Roger Ebert, right before he died, told me to watch this, but I just haven't gotten around to it. Satyajit? How's that even pronounced? It looks like it might be the Bengali word for jism. I think I've probably not seen this because I've always been afraid it would be a little boring. I doubt there's a single car chase in this thing. Maybe there's a defecating elephant, but a "maybe" isn't quite enough to get me to give it a chance.
10. All the President's Men, 1976
Why I haven't seen it: I have no interest in politics. I don't vote or listen to Rush Limbaugh. I think I also kind of thought this was a non-funny Starsky and Hutch. Or maybe it's because I went through an "egg thing" as a child and can't think of the title of this without thinking of eggs. Eggs, Starskys, Hutch, Limbaugh. I'll probably see this before I'm 50.
9. American Graffiti, 1973
Why I haven't seen it: Despite being directed by the guy who gave us Star Wars, I fear this doesn't have a single lightsaber battle or mention of Toshi Station anywhere in it. Also, graffiti is a crime, and I can't watch a movie that supports that no matter how patriotic that graffiti might be. If somebody told me that there was a Wookiee in this movie, I would dive right in without hesitation. 1973 was the best year ever for movies. In fact, there isn't a single movie released in 1973 that is not good. So I should probably see this sometime. But seriously--is there a Wookiee?
8. Intolerance, 1916
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Why I haven't seen it: Maybe I just don't like silent movies?
7. Once Upon a Time in America, 1984
Why I haven't seen it: This is a weird one. I like Sergio Leone, of course. I'm not always in the mood for gangster flicks, and that's not exactly my favorite genre. I think the main reason I've never seen this, however, is that I've just not heard anybody talk about it. This one just doesn't get mentioned. Plus, this--like a lot of movies in this list--is really really long. I'm not sure because I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure this movie is over 17 hours long.
6. The Bridge on the River Kwai, 1957
Why I haven't seen it: It's a war movie, and I'm a pacifist. But the main problem is that the River Kwai places this movie in Vietnam, probably during the Vietnam War since that's really the only movie-worthy thing that's ever happened there. But the Vietnam War didn't even start until the late-70's, about 600 years after the great Care Bear War in Scotland or wherever the hell Braveheart takes place, and this movie was made in the 50s. That seems like it could be more confusing that Inception, and I'm just not sure I could handle that.
5. Pocahontas, 1995
Why I haven't seen it: I love Disney as much as the next guy, but I don't necessarily trust them to accurately portray Native Americans. I don't think I can stand seeing a watered-down version of a history that is already watered-down. I haven't seen Poke a Hot Ass either, and I'm sure it's about as historically accurate as this. Maybe even more historically accurate actually, and more than likely with less songs. Also, I remember thinking the McDonald's Happy Meal toys for this movie looked pretty stupid.
4. All Quiet on the Western Front, 1930
Why I haven't seen it: It's in that awkward movie time between the silents and talkies, and I don't really like many movies from that era. And I just can't imagine this is as good as the book, something that I probably haven't even read but will pretend I've read because people will think I'm smarter for it. Actually, I might have seen this a long time ago. It was either this or a Laurel and Hardy movie where they're in the army. I should probably count it either way.
3. Greed, 1924
Why I haven't seen it: Ok, so I do like silent movies, but they're not something I can watch all the time, and when I'm in the mood for a silent movie, I lean toward the comedies or horrors more than the dramas. This is on lists of best silent movies, so I should probably see it. I tell people I've seen it because I want people to think I'm some kind of silent cinema aficionado and be impressed, and that's really about the same thing as actually seeing it, isn't it? No? Well, I'll check it out then. The problem is that it's really long, even longer than Once Upon a Time in America.
2. Ben Hur, 1959
Why I haven't seen it: I'm actually pretty sure I have seen this. I think my dad must have tried showing this to me when I was a little kid, but I don't actually remember watching this and can't imagine it's the sort of thing that would have held my attention when I was that young. I'm not a big fan of period epics anyway, almost never in the mood for them. I doubt that I ever actually watch this, but if anybody asks me to my face, I'm going to just pretend I've seen it and say, "Yeah, that chariot scene is amazing! And how about Charlton Heston's nipples? What a movie!"
1. On the Waterfront, 1954
Why I haven't seen it: I have no idea. It might be because of that hideous poster. Or maybe I'm too busy watching movies like Eegah and The Room multiple times. This is a movie I've had in my house on several occasions but have, for whatever reason, just not felt the need to watch. I once stared at the cover of the dvd case for over three hours though.
So there you go. My top ten movies that I'm surprised I haven't seen. Next time I make a list, it's either going to be my top ten favorite moments from Wes Anderson movies or my top ten favorite bad movies. Of course, you shouldn't wait around for those because I also said I was going to watch 12 Angry Men back in October.
First of all, your "Top Ten List" consists of 13...
ReplyDelete13) Braveheart: I'd give it a watch if I were you. It's realism and unabashed war scenes are in your face. Gibson really over-does it, but it all fits the huge scale of the movie. I know you're not one for big-budget, critically acclaimed movies, but it's a Best Picture Oscar winner, so why not at least familiarize yourself with it?
12) The Jazz Singer: I hate movies where the actors don't play their own instruments. This movie is overrated.
11) Satyajit Ray: ...never heard of it...but you had me at "jism." Is that Ralph Maccio on the cover? Is the "Apu Trilogy" about Aladdin's monkey?
10) All the President's Men: This was a great movie for a couple of reasons. One, it does a great job of making suspense out of a story in which the audience already knows the ending. Two, the script is terrific. The dialogue is natural and meaningful.
9) American Graffiti: Yeah, don't waste your time. Just because he thought up Star Wars, doesn't mean everything he touches is gold. I give you "The Phantom Menace."
8) Intolerance: I've never seen this either...but I think it's weird that you say you don't like silent movies because that's a lie...and you know you're a terrible liar.
7) Once Upon a Time in America: This is my grandpa's favorite movie. Cinematically, he's the toughest customer to satisfy I've ever seen. He consistently likes Robert DeNiro, but other than that, he runs hot and cold on movies. I asked him why he liked this movie, and he said it was because of the story. "After it's over, you keep thinking about it and the characters." I've seen this movie several times myself, and it's still not in my top 20. Sure, it's a good movie, but Goodfellas does a better job telling the story of a gangster rising in the ranks, and The Godfather tells a better story of early American crime. I have this movie if you'd like to watch it.
6) Bridge Over the River Kwai: It's been a long time since I've seen this, and I remember it being a bit slow. But all in all, I thought the performances were good and the climax being worth the whole movie.
5) Pocahontas: I think Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame is the only movie worse than this. The songs are less memorable, and the characters are incredibly flat.
4) All Quiet On the Western Front: This movie sucked.
3) Greed: I preferred 1994's "Greedy" starring Michael J. Fox, Kirk Douglas, and Phil Hartman.
2) Ben Hur: The most overrated if I've seen one. Why people had such a hard on for this movie, I don't know why.
1) On the Waterfront: Again, overrated. Marlon Brando is definitely not the best actor to ever live. As a matter of fact, I think Rod Steiger outdoes him with simplistic naturalism.
On the Waterfront, Ben Hur, Greed, All Quiet on the Western Front, Bridge on the River Kwai, Intolerance, American Graffiti, and All the President's Men are all all-time favorite movies. You should see them immediately. I have not seen Braveheart for a long time, and my feelings about Gibson would probably ruin it. I really liked it when it came out, though. I have seen the first Apu movie, and I think you would like it. Pocahontas kind of sucks, and I was really disappointed with OUATIA...I don't know what your Grandpa was thinking. The Jazz Singer is only tolerable viewed as cinematic history. I'll be very curious to find out if you think "All Quiet on the Western Front" "sucked". I have not seen the 1979 version, but I believe you are talking about the 1930 version, one of the greatest movies ever made.
ReplyDeleteI'll see a few of these sometime soon. Out of all of them, 'All Quiet' is the one I most want to see. Well, maybe the silents.
ReplyDeleteJosh has good taste most of the time ('The Room') but is way off sometimes ('Citizen Kane' and apparently 'The Phantom Menace')...so who knows with 'All Quiet'