1980 Superman sequel
Rating: 16/20
Plot: A playwright gets a gift from an old woman, and while taking a mini-vacation to get away from life's pressures, he figures out that he needs to travel back to the early-1900s because he's got a chance to get some. It's further proof that a man will do almost anything if there's a chance he can get laid.
It's easy to see why this movie didn't do all that well back in 1980. Look at that hideous poster. At first glance, it looks like Christopher Reeve's got his hands straight down the front of his pants while a disembodied Jane Seymour face peeks out from the pink murk. Of course, in other countries, they went with other colors:
En Algun Lugar del Tiempo! I think that make the title Some Day Place in the Time, but my Spanish isn't very good. There's also this poster:
That has a strange vomit-y color, and the humans, thankfully the same size in this one, have a realness that clashes with the background. And there's this dvd case picture:
This one gets the Movies A-Go-Go treatment, so these are my unfiltered thoughts as I watched Somewhere in Time for somewhere around the third or fourth time. I saw it with my dad once because it's one of his favorite movies. I showed it to my wife once because I thought she might like it. (She didnt.) And I think I may have watched it another time before this one, too. Anyway, my thoughts when I watched it this time:
There was a time in my life when I wanted to be Christopher Reeve. Or Harrison Ford. But Reeve would have been a close second. And I still to this day don’t even know if it’s Reeve or Reeves.
My father says this is on the list of his favorite films of all time. He especially likes the score by John Barry.
Ack! Old Rose from Titanic is capable of stopping both music and conversation during a post-play celebration.
So my dad likes the score, but that wouldn’t include that piece by Rachmaninoff which just makes you feel like something’s going to happen. It's just the perfect selection for this movie. Of course, at this point, that "something going to happen" is only a pissed-off Christopher Reeve getting inside an elevator.
Grand Hotel carpet--makes you want to examine the carpet for Kubrickian clues about the moon landing.
A note: I’d love to live in a bungalow someday. And wear a vest. It doesn’t necessarily have to be in that order, of course.
Trivia: In the first draft of Somewhere in Time, they had Christopher Reeve flying around the world really fast and reversing its rotation in order to travel back in time.
Hot damn! Look at the twinkle in Christopher Reeve’s eyes!
Poor guy, lusting after a picture of a possibly-deceased woman in the Hall of History. I can identify though because I remember doing the same thing as a kid, only not in Mackinac Island. Sadly, I had as much of a chance at that stage of my life with the dead black-and-white woman in the framed picture than I did with anybody who happened to be alive.
Perfect librarian glasses there.
Oh, my! He just found an even hotter picture of Elise McKenna in the magazine! I just hope he can restrain from shooting his wad, non-proverbially, right there in the library. I've been there, too, Christopher Reeve. I've been there, too.
A lesson learned: When you’re going to go ask your old philosophy professor about time travel, make sure you’re picking out just the right belt buckle.
Students walking in the hall outside the classroom lumber along like zombies. The desire for extra screen time? I'm guessing that's it.
This is the second time travel movie I’ve watched recently--the first was The Jacket--in which a character is using time travel in order to get laid. You’re Christopher Reeve, man! You don’t have to get an old-timey suit and bowler and practice flirting in the mirror to get a woman!
June 27, 1912. That was a long time ago, but still after the Chicago Cubs last won the World Series.
I guess you should have used Maxell cassettes, Christopher Reeve. If any cassette tape can whisk you back to June 27, 1912, it’s the one that blows the guy nearly out of his chair in those old commercials.
The score is really good. It blends very well.
Christopher Reeve’s going to get himself thrown in jail if he keeps smiling at children like that.
If I had directed this, five-year-old Arthur would have had a mustache. This movie would have gotten a lot better reviews if the kid would have had the same facial hair as the guy living in the bungalow.
There are scenes in Superman when Reeve, usually as Clark Kent, just seems huge and clumsy, having doors closed on him in the middle of a sentence or interrupting people who have no interest in anything he’s saying. He’s essentially playing Clark Kent without spectacles here, isn’t he? This is why I thought Christopher Reeve was over seven feet tall when I was a kid.
Before finding Ms. McKenna, I would have given that large pink-haired foreign lady a try.
Our first glimpse of Elise is nice--a reflection in a window at the same time Reeve spots her. And then the music picks up again and tells us how to feel about it all.
So let me answer the question you’re probably asking: Yes, I would definitely go back to 1912 to sleep with Jane Seymour, even if I had to wear a suit like that.
“Is it you?” I’m confused by that question, and I've seen this movie multiple times.
Rhythmic soup eating and a second chance at the pink-haired babe.
So far, almost everything Reeve is saying to Elise is creepy:
“I know everything about you.”
“You’ve no idea how far I’ve come to be with you.”
“There’s no need to be afraid of me, you know.”
That’s stalker talk. It’s a good thing she didn’t see him smiling at young Arthur earlier.
And she goes with him after he’s been thrown out for what reason exactly?
Reeve sleeping on the 1912 version of the Knights Inn Urine Couch. If I had been Arthur’s dad, he would have been chased away with the lot lizards.
“Good morning.” And now here's the part of the movie where she finds out that the guy only has one suit.
“Madam, if you do not walk with me, I shall go mad.” This entire scene could have used a rewrite.
Another scene with Reeve looking lasciviously at Arthur. This time, while holding a sack.
“See you around, Arthur.” Oh, boy.
Richard Matheson, author, in the scene where Reeve emerges after shaving.
"Yes, you can adapt my movie for the screen, but I demand a cameo! And I want a hat taller than Superman's hat!"
And there's Reeve having difficulty with a horse.
This walking scene reminds me of that Seurat painting.
This one--it also reminds me of a shot from Jaws.
That’s not talking! That’s shoulder-grabbin’ and light fondling! And what a strange first kiss--upper lip nibbles. I’m going to have to try that move sometime.
This play scene: I’m all for improvisation and all, but I think she might be confusing everybody in the audience except for the guy with only one suit.
Let’s hear a soliloquy from the pink-haired lady. I bet that would be a lot raunchier.
I do like how that photograph works into their story. Back to the Future stole that move like I'm planning on stealing Christopher Reeve's upper-lip nibbling move.
Robinson’s handwriting seems threatening. And nothing good ever happens in a gazebo, does it? Just finish watching the play, Superman. Stay away from the gazebo.
Christopher Plummer might start taking bites out of the gazebo soon.
Uh oh. Another horse. And great, now Reeve’s only suit is going to smell like horse and hay.
More awkward kissing. Reeve really attacks that top lip, doesn’t he?
Here’s a change I would have made. Seymour lets her hair down and stares, almost at me in the future. The door slowly closes. Then, it fades to the two getting ready to engage in coitus. And there’s a candle. I think I would have either moved directly into the scene where they’re sharing chicken and grapes or shown Jane Seymour naked. The sex scene there was either not enough or too much.
Now, they’re kissing with mouthfuls of chicken. That always boosts the romance.
The slow-motion Christopher Reeve reaching where even his nine-feet-long arms are useless--that’s unintentionally funny.
Next time I hear somebody arguing in favor of keeping the penny around, I’m bringing up this movie. What happens to the poor guy here is enough reason to abolish the penny.
So here’s a question: If he could have successfully traveled back in time again, would that have created a paradox where Elise doesn’t meet him in the future and give him the watch and set in motion his whole trip back to the past? His horniness nearly caused time to implode.
Worst thing about all of this: Did he even get all the parts of his suit?
I don’t think a movie should end with this much moping, but the music is about perfect there.
Oh, I forgot. That’s not the ending. Here’s a much happier ending in which Christopher Reeve is reunited with his suit in some sort of fuzzy white eternity. It’s pretty gross.
I have to go back to the first scene because William H. Macy is in there somewhere. Ahh, there he is, the second actor to appear in this movie.
Now it's time to find out if Jane Seymour ever did a nude scene. Is that wrong of me?
Movie idea! A sequel to Somewhere in Time where somebody watches Somewhere in Time, buys two suits, hypnotizes himself, and then out-suits Christopher Reeve and wins Jane Seymour's heart. Arthur will end up murdering everybody. Working title--Somewhere in Time 2: The Man with Two Suits.
How many suits do you own, Cowboy?
So where the heck did that watch come from? It's an enigma!
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