2011 science fiction movie
Bad Movie Rating: 3/5 (Johnny: 3/5; Kristen: 3/5; Josh: 4/5; Fred: 0/5; Libby: no rating)
Rating: 3/20
Plot: Campers find themselves in the middle of a galactic battle between a shapeshifting Predator-type creature and a blue woman who probably wasn't in this movie with James Cameron's blessing.
I still always wonder if the makers of these movies are pulling our legs. I know they know they're not making great movies, that they don't have anywhere near the budgets or talents necessary to make anything approaching a great movie, and that it's not going to matter because nobody's going to see it anyway. Is that why the folks involved (director Lewis Schoenbrun and four--count 'em--four writers) decided they could get away with stealing characters from Predator (not Alien) and Avatar? It's like those four writers got together for a movie marathon, thought the ideas from those movies were too good to just be in those movies, and decided to write their own.
"But other than having a Predator-type creature and a blue woman, what will this be about?" I can hear one ask.
"Well, we could have some college-aged idiots camping or something."
"That is a terrific idea!"
And so six cliches were drawn up to be the victims for this movie. There's a jocky guy, a slut, a tough gal, a nerdy guy. You get the idea. They're characters lifted directly from other kids-isolated-in-the-woods horror flicks except they don't have as much depth. They make good victims though. They're beheaded and punctured and eye-gouged and have their appendages torn off. If you're looking for some cheap gore and a little bit of gratuitous nudity, you'll have enough fun for the first ten minutes. But this is a lot like pornography, and most of you will probably shoot your wad--the literal wad--long before you get to see one of the worst fights you're likely to see or a ridiculous-looking robot that I believe was called Robotard.
Robotard!
The "monster" gives Robotard a run for his money though. Check this thing out:
I know--it looks almost as good as that fake Bigfoot video where the Sasquatch is strutting around in the woods. But it's not. It's a monster.
See? And if you believe the credits, it was played by an actual monster.
I'm too tired to write more about this movie, but I'll close with my favorite piece of dialogue:
Twitchy Avatar Woman: "Your planet will have a short life."
Female Camper Played by Actress Who Will Likely End Up Doing Pornographic Films: "Wow. That sucks."
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