Justice League

2017 superhero movie

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Batman assembles a team of good guys to save the world from a boring villain who is trying to collect boxes.

This isn't even as good as Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, probably because it didn't have a bunch of Eisenberg. It's also not as good as the overrated Wonder Woman from earlier this year. I think DC's strategy involves a deluge of Wonder Woman, giving her many opportunities to do a lot of things in slow motion. I'll write about some of the problems with this movie below, but the tacky attempts at mild sexuality might have bugged me the most. Loads of Wonder Woman doing things in slow motion for the guys, and an extended scene with Henry Cavill floating around without a shirt on for no reason for the ladies. And loads of the impossibly-shaped Jason Momoa without a shirt on for both the guys and gals.

Sex appeal aside, I'm not really a fan of any of these incarnations of these superheros. I don't think Gal Gadot can act, but she can do things in slow motion which is probably all that matters. She looks great in the suit. Cavill's got a stupid-looking suit, and I just don't like him as Superman very much. Am I supposed to even mention that he's in this movie? Momoa looks the part, but he doesn't do much to give the character any personality at all, and Ezra Miller's Flash (The Flash?) just comes across as annoying. I sort of like Affleck, but apparently, I shouldn't get used to him. Maybe I should say that I like him when he's Batman; his Bruce Wayne doesn't feel right.

The biggest issue with this is that there's absolutely no emotional resonance here. Nothing that happens here has impact. There's a major twist that just sort of happens. Character conflicts are silly and insignificant, probably there more for comic relief than anything else. The bad guy's metallic insect minions are really cool, but the antagonist himself, a special effect named Steppenwolf, is about the least charismatic villain I've ever seen in a comic book movie. Fight scenes just kind of happen. I think I even fell asleep during the climactic action sequence where the Justice Leaguers fail to really come together on screen as a team and instead just kind of do a bunch of things in close proximity of each other. There are special effects, and things happen very very quickly, and then it's over and you don't really feel like enough happened to make the two hours worth your time.

Oh, shit. I forgot there's a cyborg in this movie. Let me see what his name is. Oh, it's just Cyborg. Well, I didn't like him either.

This wasn't as deadly serious as Batman v Superman, but it also didn't have any subtext at all. It was just a story about superheros fighting bad guys, and it didn't really succeed in being just that. In a time where these DC superheros need to make a huge statement to let Marvel know they're in the game, this movie and its characters just kind of go through the motions and end up entirely forgettable.