2017 sci-fi movie
Rating: 10/20
Plot: I do not feel like reliving this.
If you ever want to see what it would look like in Luc Besson's toilet after his imagination, after a night of drinking, vomited, then this is the movie for you!
I didn't like a single thing about this movie. I would love to applaud something so unapologetically creative, but what should feel fresh and original is burdened by bland characters, an unengaging story, sci-fi tropes. Any good feeling from the surreal sci-fi imagery vanished quickly when I realized I was going to have to spend 2 1/4 hours with this Valerian guy, played by the ultra-bland Dane DeHaan, and his partner and love interest who apparently isn't even important enough to get her name in the title. Not even the appearance of Herbie Hancock or Rutger Hauer could save this. Ethan Hawke's batty performance as a space pimp is almost fun if you're really desperate for something to enjoy in this bloated CGI crap.
If I sound a little more negative than usual, it might be the result of being a little angry at this movie even before I saw the thing. I was part of a summer movie fantasy game where we drafted four movies and got points based on how well they performed during their opening weekend. Valerian was my fourth pick, and its performance was underwhelming and cost me the championship. I blame Dane DeHaan.
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