He Who Gets Slapped, MGM’s second movie, was the first to use the lion.
Assault of the Killer Bimbos invented twerking.
Charlie Chaplin was left handed.
The Parson’s Widow shows the first cinematic snot rocket.
Douglas Fairbanks is dead.
The name of the movie playing in a movie theater in The Blob--Dementia, or Daughter of Horror.
Ray Harryhausen first experimented with masturbation during a viewing of The Lost World.
What a “goat gland specialist” is. Hint: It has to do with xenotransplantation surgery.
The disco ball was around in the 1920s.
The bear in Keaton’s “Balloonatic” and Chaplin’s The Gold Rush are the same. At least I said it was. If it’s on a widely-read blog, it must be true, right?
Movies I Didn’t Finish
The Great Rupert, because I felt like I had seen all that I needed to see
SBK: The Movie, because of an early typographical error, a misused word, and horrible narration
Best Movie Monster
Gorga, with those unmoving eyes and mouth
The yeti in Giant of the 20th Century with his coiffure to die for
The shrews, those dog/carpet hybrids
That thing behind the door in The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
The Golem in The Golem
Q, and the 80’s movie magic that enabled him to fly around New York City
Pennywise from It
Any of the variety of wondrous sea monsters in the Czech movie, The Fabulous Baron Munchausen
The assortment of monsters in the Godzilla movie I watched for Cory’s birthday this year (Godzilla: Final Wars) but especially King Caesar and his incredible nipples
Those are all great, but the winner has to be The Amazing Bulk because he’s amazing.
Worst Movie Monster
Minilla, the “Eric Trump” of Godzilla: Final Wars.
Best Mermaid
Yun Lin in The Mermaid
Mermaids at a party in Masterminds
The two sisters in The Lure
And the guy in The Shape of Water might count although I’m not even sure he’s a merman.
But the winner? Melies' mermaid. Was this the first movie mermaid?
Best Dream Sequence
Although I love the little nightmares that Georges Melies creates, it’s another silent movie that wins this one--When the Clouds Roll By, a movie in which Douglas Fairbanks dreams about being chased by his food.
My Biggest Surprise of the Year
That I actually enjoyed a Thor movie
Best Movie Prayer
“Thank God for this food even though we’re poor. There’s eight of us at the table, and there’s only food for four.” That’s from Tales from the Quadead Zone.
Best Jesus
Lloyd Peters, in Lair of the White Worm. I guess he has to win because I don’t have anything else in my notes for this category.
Best Satan
This could go to Melies because he plays the devil or a demon in a whole bunch of his short films. I also liked a demon costume in The Parson’s Widow. But the best Satan is the 1911 version of Dante’s Inferno because he’s absolutely terrifying.
Most Embarrassing Cameo
Leonard Maltin in Gremlins 2. He should be embarrassed by that whole thing anyway.
Best Score
Altered States
Mica Levi (previous winner) for Jackie
Moonlight
The Neon Demon
Dementia, George Antheil’s jazzy score with Yma Suma-like vocals
Blade Runner 2049
Mark Mothersbaugh’s work in Thor: Ragnarock
Those were all great, but the winner is the score for Decasia which was just so perfect. Michael Gordon, a co-founder of Bang on a Can, is the composer.
Worst Score
Tales of the Quadead Zone
Honorable mention has to go to Suicide Squad though and its endless assault of songs. Every minute of that movie has its own songs. I also feel like complaining about that “Frozen” short that played before Coco because it somehow managed to squeeze in 34 songs in just 22 minutes.
Best Song
“Three Feet Tall, Two-Inch Fangs” from Ankle Biters
One of the cleverly stupid tunes from Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
That random appearance by Digital Underground in Nothing But Trouble
The yeti theme song at the end of Giant of the 20th Century
“Female Trouble,” performed by Divine in Female Trouble
I don't remember any of these songs and am unable to pick a winner.
Worst Song
Either “H-I-P-P-O-P-O-T-A-M-U-S” or “I Said a Mouthful” from Hugo the Hippo, although I could be completely wrong and these could be the best
A hip-hop version of “Be Our Guest” from one of the two Descendants movies I watched
Any of the songs in I Believe in Santa Claus
“Theme Song” from Tales of the Quadead Zone, just magically awful
“Carry On” by vocalist Tony Reyes at the end of Night of the Kickfighters
The winner has to be the dreadful “Fun in Balloon Land” theme that is mercilessly repeated at the end of that movie. It will haunt you, friends. Beware.
Best Musical Moment
I loved Streep’s shockingly awesome performance as Florence Foster Jenkins and could give this to the scene where she first shows off her gifts in that movie. Just thinking about the beginning of La La Land makes me all goose-pimply. And Dwight Clark (Blade Steel) finishing the singing of a song while taking down a bunch of bad guys in Kindergarten Ninja is probably the most badass musical moment of the year. I also loved a random song-and-dance number in The Shape of Water. But I’ve got to give this one to the climactic scene in Coco which I already mentioned made me cry.
Best Sound Effect
A cat meow following a good ol’ fashioned stripper fight in The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
Kill Squad, with its plethora of unnecessary sounds
The easy winner is that moment in Baby Driver when the gunshots perfectly match the beat of the song the main character is listening to.
Worst Sound Effect
Although many contemporary movies are overusing squelches these days, most annoyingly for me in The Belko Experiment, the “winner” is the bubbling sound in Fun in Balloon Land, quite obviously a guy with a drink and a straw.
Most Alarming Musical Surprise
John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” showed up in no less than three movies from 2017. And there was more John Denver in 2017’s Free Fire! What the hell is going on here? In case you’re wondering, those movies were Alien: Convenant, Logan Lucky, and Kingsmen: The Golden Circle.
Best Dance Sequence
Bela Tarr has a lengthy scene (obviously) in Satantango with a bunch of characters dancing. There’s an accordion and a guy pacing back and forth with bread balanced on his face. It’s something else. Melanie Griffith has a great dance scene in Body Double, and Amanda Donohoe shows off her moves (sans codpiece this time) after a game of Chutes and Ladders in Lair of the White Worm. 50’s dancing in Sing Street, the moves of a wild conductor in the “Foxtrot Epidemic” scene in The Oyster Princess, Ossi Oswaldi pretending to be a doll in The Doll, spontaneous disco dancing in Girl Asleep, chaotic and violent dancing to Amon Duul in High-Rise, Chaplin comically dancing in “The Count,” Jackie Coogan busting a move in “Back Stage,” a great sequence in Der Bunker, Melies doing a demonic dance in “The Devil and the Statue.” There’s the lone bright spot in the dismally dull Holiday Inn where Fred Astaire goes bonkers with some firecrackers, and there are two scenes in The Greasy Strangler that I liked--one with Ronnie and his girl under a disco ball and another with a spotlighted dance. There’s also that scene in The Shape of Water that I mentioned in the “best musical moment” category. And there's a whirling dervish guy in Decasia nearly brought me to tears.
Whew. That's a lot, but I’ve just got to give this one to Jacques Tati for the little dance he does in the “School for Postmen” short. This isn't the best quality, but here it is:
Worst Dance Scene
A dancing animated panda in The Little Panda Fighter. Do not look this up. You’d rather watch that “Two Girls and One Cup” thing or stare at goatse than any part of The Little Panda Fighter.
No comments:
Post a Comment