Mom and Dad

2018 horror-comedy

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Something that isn't really ever explained happens that makes parents want to kill their children. Nic Cage and Selma Blair's kids try to survive the ordeal.

I'll just get this out of the way first. If you love Nic Cage when he is at his Nic Cagiest, this is going to be something you'll want to see as soon as possible, probably without pants. I called in sick to work to go to a doctor's appointment and then catch this before it left the theater. I was the only one there, thanks to it being a matinee on a Wednesday after a bit of an ice storm, so I was able to watch it without pants. There are times when Cage's work here reminded me of the most unhinged moments of his career. And I'm not just talking about Vampire's Kiss here, people. I'm talking about Deadfall. And if that doesn't give you a bOner with a capital-O, you might need to see a dick doctor.

Reenacting a train crash at the breakfast table, a reenactment complete with spilled ketchup and a giggle!

Saying "Can't hear you" and putting his thumbs (not his fingers--that's very important) in his ears.

A wonderfully-timed "Oh, oops!"

The most ominous tickling you'll ever see in a movie!

Brief foreshadowing after a shot of Cage being hit in the face with a ball.

An aggressive starting of an automobile, a turning of a key like only America's greatest living actor can turn a key.

Somehow sleeping and watching pornography while on the job.

A silent scream at a picture of his kid.

Lecturing his daughter's boyfriend, a speech that, as you'd probably predict, involves a discussion of anal beads.

A powerful "I was gonna grab the world by the balls!" soliloquy.

The rising pitch of a "You, motherfuckers!" as he's trying to Jack Nicholson his way into the basement where his children are hiding.

Whining, so much whining.

Counting to six but somehow missing the four.

Laughing at an idea and then throwing up.

Actually saying the line "You killed me!" to another character, meaning it quite literally.

Making the effort to entertain his children with a sawzall pun while he's trying to kill them.

A tender father/son moment ("You fucked up, son.") with a belch and a mention of a "pussy magnet." Also a strained "Buddy!"

And--oh, holy hell!--the Cage moment that might define his work in the 2010s--the assembling and unassembling of a pool table, the former with a  Cagian dance and a "Yeah, that's sexy" and the later while swinging a sledgehammer and singing "The Hokey Pokey" for absolutely no reason. My God! That, my friends, is fucking movie magic!

I love that this goes balls-to-the-wall, completely expected knowing what Brian Taylor did with those Crank movies. This is an almost painfully exciting effort, and the pace is frenetic. And no, that's not always in a good way. In fact, it might not ever be in a good way. The editing is awful, Taylor utilizing both of his tricks--jumpiness and shakiness--until you feel like Cage has taken a sledgehammer to your cranium because he thought your hair was felt. The writing is terrible as well, but the biggest offense has to be the score, music provided by somebody calling himself Mr. Bill. You know how it's so cute when there's a really ominous or terrifying scene juxtaposed with ironically saccharine music? Now imagine that happening for about 70% of a movie. Ok, that's probably an exaggeration. About half of the score is dopey electronic music.

I did enjoy the opening credits which reminded me of the opening of a 70's television show or movie. That was really well done.

In summary--this movie is really going to annoy almost anybody who watches it, but if you're a fan of Cage, you have no choice. You'll have the time of your life.