Bad Movie Club: Zolar

2004 television sci-fi action movie

Bad Movie Rating: 2/5 (J.D.: 1/5; Josh: 1/5; Lisa: 1/5)

Rating: 4/20

Plot: Aliens are trying to do something, and kids into extreme sports team up with the titular blue alien, also into extreme sports, to stop them.

Does a hybrid of extreme sports and science fiction sound like the kind of thing for you? Do you like movies from the 1990's that seem like they can't let go of the 80's but were actually made in 2004? Do you long for the type of action provided by old-school Power Rangers episodes but can't find even though there are a seemingly endless amount of incarnations of that product? Well, Zolar might be the movie for you!

Obviously, the actors were hired for kind of being able to skateboard or whatever more than having any ability to act. They're mostly bad in the typical ways teenagers are bad. Jordan Hoffart, the kid covered in the blue paint and (I hope) is given prosthetic ears and a fake nose, is a special case. Sounding inauthentic as either a kid or an alien, Hoffart gives a performance that somehow manages to offend. Look at this fucker:

C. Thomas Howell, an actor who probably should know better, is even worse. He's not in the movie as much, playing a character who, even though he's supposedly the main villain, does next to nothing. It's a hilariously bad performance, aided by his ridiculous costume. I mean, look at this fucker:

None of them are helped by the script, penned by some guy named John Derevlany, a guy who's been nominated for a Primetime Emmy. Instead of winning something like that, he should probably be bludgeoned with one.

Most inexplicable moment: It has to be how it takes about a half an hour of movie time with Zolar before the kids realize he's not human. They think he's one of those blue-tinted people from Kentucky.