1998 horror-comedy where the comedy is horrifying and the horror is comedic
Bad Movie Rating: 3/5 (Josh: 4/5; Fred: 3/5)
Rating: 5/20
Plot: A mopey guy travels to Europe after his girlfriend dies in a boating accident. While there, he encounters Dracula and assists Crispin Glover's dad in defeating him.
The credits told me that "Other Creatures" were played by "Real Things," and I'd love more clarity on that one.
I'm actually wondering if Bruce Glover can be considered a "real thing." Resembling a chunkier version of his son, Glover seemed to be taking this seriously at the start but gradually lost interest. That's assuming this was filmed sequentially. I have to assume it was because it seemed to start out as a more serious attempt at a vampire movie and became progressively sillier as it went. The tone is about as inconsistent as any movie in recent memory. The dopey title, some goofy performances by the guys playing Romanian locals, and oddly-timed comic relief all make you think you're watching pure satire, something in the ballpark with Scary Movie or something. I don't usually enjoy bad movies that were intentionally made to be funny, but I'm not sure this fits with those. Even if it does, the comedy is so poorly done that there's still something endearing about it all.
This is poorly written, and the special effects are simultaneously laughable and sad, but the real star of this bad movie show is the bad acting. Glover delivers memorably, and no less than three different guys play the titular vampire, all poorly. I don't know which was which, so they can't get any kind of end-of-year award, probably something that's at the top of their list of career regrets. Kerry Dustin plays the protagonist's first girlfriend and his Romanian love interest, giving her more movie roles for her career than she has movies. And the variations of her Romanian accent give her more accents than most performers try out in their entire careers. My favorite performance, however, was John Slavik's as a stuttering dentist. I just like to imagine Slavik ruining any potential career by suggesting, in his first movie role, that he give his character a stutter and then doing what he does here.
I'm going to feel terrible if John Slavik really has a stutter and ends up reading this.
I have a feeling Die Hard Dracula would make diehard Dracula fans angry as it seems to confuse monster lore (silver bullets?) and give the monster powers that he doesn't normally have. I mean, I know he can turn into a bat, but shooting purple Emperor-esque lightning bolts from his fingers? I'm not so sure about that one.
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