Bad Movie Club: Vampire Cop

1990 vampire cop movie

Rating: 3/20 (Josh: 3/20; Jeremy: 3/20; Fred: 3/20)

Plot: I think it's pretty self explanatory, isn't it?

"It's show time!"

If you've not seen this movie (and you probably haven't), then that line means nothing. If you're seen it, your balls just tingled. Vampire Cop is probably worth watching just for the gratuitous nudity. But if gratuitous nudity isn't enough for you, you've got the following to keep you entertained:

--a bitchin' original song called "Slow Kill"
--the faces that Vampire Cop Lucas (played absurdly by Ed Cannon) makes
--the one shot used over an over again of the titular hero's (anti-hero?) silhouette in the misty darkness
--an inexplicable and confusing ending that I won't spoil here because I didn't understand it enough to spoil it
--the accent that actor Terence Jenkins gives his villain, a guy that is apparently supposed to be German
--the stunning performance and sideburns of Phil Newman who played a character we just called Knife Guy
--gratuitous nudity
--R.J. McKay's wacky performance as "Raymond," the character who shouts out that "It's show time!" line and for some reason always has a snack in every scene he's in
--another character (I don't know the actor's name unfortunately) who we just called "Bathtub Guy" because he spent the entire movie taking a bath. That is not an exaggeration.
--Bathtub Guy's death scene--absolutely incredible

With no-budget effects, clueless storytelling, and terrible acting, this manages to be pretty special. We're on a ridiculous streak with Bad Movie Club right now.

R.I.P., Bathtub Guy