Anybody who knows anything about my taste in movies knows how much I love extended shots. The last hour of Long Day’s Journey into Night is one of the more extraordinary ones I’ve ever seen, so it’s winning this award. However, I also loved these:
Thunder Road’s opening where the main character addresses people at a funeral and performs a dance
Le Quattro Volte has a long shot with an Easter procession, a dog, a vehicle, and a goat, and I have no idea how it was pulled off.
The soccer stadium scene in Secret in Their Eyes seems completely impossible.
The opening 10 minutes of Stan and Ollie where the titular duo are walking through a studio on the way to their set
Favorite Cameo
Two are Mary Poppins related--Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins Returns and Larry Poppins in The Lego Movie 2. I don’t know why I’m calling Larry Poppins a cameo though. He's a cartoon character. So never mind.
Hi!
Shyamalan was in Glass because he thinks he’s Alfred Fucking Hitchcock, and his appearance was long (probably too long to even be considered a cameo) and awkward.
Hi!
Jim Jarmusch and his mind-reading dog in In the Soup is a nice cameo!
Bob Dylan shows off his acting chops in Dennis Hopper’s Backtrack. Bob Dylan, in case you've never seen him try to act, cannot act.
Hi!
Best Voice Work
This is where Larry Poppins should go!
Hi!
Pedro Almodovar voices “Gloria” in Arrebato, and that’s pretty good. But that “Hi” I mentioned in the “mirror” category earlier from Brain Damage is enough to give John Zacherle, the voice of Aylmer, the win in this category.
Yuen Wah’s “general” character in Eastern Condors
Best Baby Acting
Elbert Coplen Jr., in his only role, was terrific as the baby in Bachelor Mother. But William A. Poulsen in Another Thin Man was like the Tom Cruise of baby actors in the 1930s, so he wins.
Best One-and-Done
Any number of the people who ended up in The Milpitas Monster could have won this, but Dick Ashe has the best name, so he wins it for directing Track of the Moon Beast and then nothing else.
The Tootie Award (Worst Performance by a Child Actor)
Kasie, played by Caitlin Dwyer, in The Fighter only has one line--where she gets excited about a bigger apartment), but it’s really bad.
Evelyn Del Rio, a little crying girl in You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man, isn’t very good.
And Cammie King Conlon, who played Bonnie in Gone with the Wind, is terrible.
But the winner of this year’s Tootie is Donnie Dunagan, the grandson of Frankenstein in Son of Frankenstein. He also voiced Bambi, by the way.
Best Extra
An old bald guy at the Cafe Bel Ami in An American in Paris who can’t stop staring at Gene Kelly. He was really distracting.
A guy with no legs in The Young and the Damned
A street person surrounded by fake mice in Twisted Pair
The easy winner is one of the children in Santa’s Christmas Circus who is enjoying Whizzo the Clown’s shenanigans. She couldn’t stop coughing throughout the movie, and I’m fairly positive that she died of tuberculosis soon after the filming of the “film.”
Favorite Small Characters of the Year
The ice cream man in The Northerners
Mr. Sophistication, an emcee at Gazzarra’s club in The Killing of a Chinese Bookie
A shopkeeper wrapping the waiter’s bow and arrow in The Waiter, doing it with such patience and hilarity
Vincent Lindon, the guy I mentioned in the “Best Monologue” category who talks about “nothing like a good shit” in La Haine
Peter Stormare’s doctor in Pain & Gain, talking about “beautiful, robust erections”
The kid with a neck brace in George Washington who plays Marco Polo despite not being in the pool
A kid licking the top of a pew in Winter Light
A guy imitating trolleys in Kurosawa’s High and Low
The pirate with an eye patch and acid-washed jeans in Under the Silver Lake
The surly bartender complaining about the Sisyphean monotony of his job in Destry Rides Again
Best Nicolas Cage Moments of the Year
Calling somebody a “turkey puncher” as his Spider-Man noir character.
“You ripped my shirt! You ripped my shirt!”
That bathroom scene in Mandy, a real tour de force. That’s one that will go in his montage when they give him a “Best Actor Ever” award right before he dies.
The aforementioned “Eric Estrada” knock-knock joke
That smile at an imagined Mandy in one of the final shots of that movie
“I gotta get a suit like that,” an improvisation in Honeymoon in Vegas
His call of “Yoohoo? Can I get a room”” at a hotel front desk in Vegas
His skydiving in that skydiving sequence, especially since it’s clear he’s not doing his own stunts
“Memories” by Nicolas Cage, a scene I mentioned in the “sex scene” category
Yet another peach reference--a mention of a woman’s “peach juice”--which reminded me of all the other times he’s referenced peaches in his movies
Asking a woman to “fuck him” like Linda Blair in The Exorcist
The “golden shower” moment...sorry, it’s a “Golden Shower!” moment
“I lost my hand! I lost my hand!” while holding up his ridiculous wooden hand in Moonstruck
All the stuff that precedes the moment he sleeps with Cher in Moonstruck--flipping a table, screaming “Son of a bitch!” for no reason
The Wiseau (Most Impressive Writing/Directing/Acting Triple Threat)
Gaspar Noe put himself in Love. It’s terrible, and he’s terrible.
Shymalan couldn’t resist putting himself in Glass. It’s not a good movie, and his appearance makes it even worse.
Sorry though, fellas, this one belongs to Neil Breen for writing and directing and acting in Twisted Pair and not doing any of those three well at all.
Best Actor
Michel Simon, Jules in L’Atalante
Nicolas Cage, Mandy
Issey Ogata, Silence
Christian Bale, The Fighter
Tom Waits, Hermit Bob in The Dead Don’t Die
Ken Okata, Vengeance Is Mine
Andrew Garfield, Under the Silver Lake
Robert Duvall, Apocalypse Now
Robert Donat and his fake mustache, Goodbye, Mr. Chips
Al Pacino, Scent of a Woman
Brian Dennehy, The Belly of an Architect
Max Von Sydow, Pelle the Conqueror
The winner? Nicolas Cage!
Best Actress
Regina Hall, Support the Girls
Maggie Cheung, In the Mood for Love
Emmanuelle Riva, Hiroshima Mon Amour (1,000 women in one)
Delphine Syrig, Jeanne Dielman
Gina Rowlands, A Woman Under the Influence or Opening Night
Liv Ullmann, Scenes from a Marriage
Juliette Binoche, Certified Copy
Harriet Andersson, Through a Glass Darkly
Florence Pugh, Midsommar or Fighting with My Family
Shuzhen Zhao, The Farewell
Sofia Boutella, Climax
Elizabeth Moss, Her Smell
Angela Winkler, Benny’s Video
Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story or anything else I saw her in this year
Usually, Scar-Jo wins this one. But Gina Rowlands is special.
Still, this award goes to Scarlett Johansson.
Best Animated Movie
Habfurdo (Foam Bath) from Hungary started my year off right! But Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Missing Link, Birdboy: The Forgotten Children, I Lost My Body, and Toy Story 4 were all great! So how about you decide. I'm tired of picking winners.
A still from Toy Story 4
Best DocumentaryThree from this year--Rolling Thunder Revue, which might be my favorite 2019 release; Amazing Grace, and Apollo 11--were all good, and I really liked The Thin Blue Line; Hale County This Morning, This Evening; The Biggest Little Farm; Of Fathers and Sons; Nostalgia for the Light; Restrepo; Leviathan; and The Emperor’s Naked Army Marches On.
The winners: A tie between Berlin, Symphony of a Metropolis and Homo Sapiens
Best Silent Movie
Once again, I didn’t watch nearly enough silents this year. I think I have to go back to having Silent Saturdays. Berlin could win this one, too, but I feel like giving it to something else, so we’ll go with Spies, just barely over Strike and Earth.
The Torgo (Best Worst Acting by a Male)
Robert Scott, “Junior” in Snake Eater, a growling redneck who sometimes pretends to be a bear
Karl Glusman, Love
C. Thomas Howell, Hedion in Zolar, a performance aided by a ridiculous alien nose
Jordan Hoffart, Zolar in Zolar, inauthentic as a kid or as an alien
Theo Barnes, a neighbor who displays some histrionics in Brain Damage
Sserunya Ernest, Who Killed Captain Alex?, whose best moment is when he cries and destroys a television
Alan Swain, a drunk bowler in Track of the Moon Beast
Neil Breen, two of him in Twisted Pair
Crazy George Henderson, the drunk guy in The Milpitas Monster
Dennis Hopper, Backtrack or Catchfire or whatever he wants to call that movie
Keenan Wynn, the bad guy in Herbie Rides Again
John Travolta, Moose in The Fanatic
I mean, it’s Neil Breen proving that two Breens are better than one. How can anybody else have a chance? Well, consider this an upset if you must, but Travolta is pretty special in The Fanatic. Congratulations, John Travolta! You’ve embarrassed yourself!
The Livingstone (Best Worst Performance by a Female)
Only three nominees this year.
Franka Potente, a woman with a wavering accent in Between Worlds
Denise Bellini, the agency director in Twisted Pair
Dianne Wiest, the wife in The Mule
This award goes to Denise Bellini! If you can stand out as “bad” while working with Neil Breen, you know you’re bad.
Worst Movie Experiences of the Year
I hated all of these movies.
Love
Velvet Buzzsaw
Pain & Gain
I Saw the Devil
Welcome to Marwen
Happy Death Day 2U
Train to Busan
Border Radio
Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (most disappointing)
Stuber
Anna
Glass
Godzilla: King of the Monsters
The Manos (Most Enjoyable Bad Movie Experience or Best-Worst Movie of the Year)
Snake Eater
Zolar
Who Killed Captain Alex?
Track of the Moon Beast
Twisted Pair
The Milpitas Monster
The Fanatic
The Mule
Santa’s Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown
Herbie Rides Again
A really down year for good-bad movies. And I should really figure out a way to exclude Neil Breen from these things. Twisted Pair wins this one! It’s not his first Manos, and I have a feeling it won’t be his last.
Best Movies I Saw All Year
I know that all of you are really excited about reading these, but I don't feel like doing it. It just seems fitting that I'm ending this blog by disappointing people.
The End
