Bad Movie Club: Warlock 3: The End of Innocence

1999 straight-to-video sequel

Bad Movie Rating: 1/5 (Fred: refused to rate because it was not a bad movie; Johnny: see Fred; Josh: 1/5; Carrie: no rating; Libby: no rating; Tami: not sure if started)

Rating: 8/20

Plot: A college kid inherits a creepy house, and the devil's kid tries to use it to summon his dad. Or something--it's been a while, and the plot of this one isn't that memorable.

This was a bad Bad Movie Club movie because it wasn't really that bad of a movie. Don't get me wrong--it wasn't a good movie. It just wasn't really bad enough. I have no interest in any other Warlocks.

At least it had this in it:

Bad Movie Club (That Time Forgot): Run Run Bunny!

2003 movie

Bad Movie Rating: 1/5 (Amy: 1/5; Josh: 3/5; Kristen: 1/5; Fred: 0/5; Libby: Was she there?; Mark: didn't start, mad because we weren't watching something involving ALF)

Rating: 4/20

Plot: I don't remember although, to be fair to my memory, I'm not sure I ever really knew what was going on in this movie.

Animal rights activists would be pissed if they knew about this movie, but luckily for them, they never will. Having "Bunny" in the name of this movie is cruelty to rabbits.

I had completely forgotten about this movie, probably repressed the memory of watching this movie. All I remember is that it's one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. I know that suprises you after getting a glimpse of that poster up there, but it's true. This is just an ugly movie.

We were supposed to watch something with David Hasselhoff, but it wouldn't work for us unfortunately. Anything would have been less painful than this.

I wish I would have remembered to forget about this movie.

Back to the Future Day Celebration Part 2! Time Travel Movie Fest: Back to the Future 2 (Movies-A-Go-Go)

1989 disappointing sequel

Rating: 12/20

Plot: I already whined about this movie here.

Movies-A-Go-Go Time! (Note: I do lose my steam in this one because I kind of hate most of this movie.)

I saw Back to the Future 3 with a girl, and it had to be love because I hadn’t even seen the second one yet. She told me about it, and her description ended up being much better than this actual movie. In fact, watching her eyes as she told me about this movie is still one of the best movie experiences I've ever had.

This opening sequence isn’t quite the same as it was in the first one, and it feels like they’re all in some 20th anniversary reunion where they’re acting out the scene again. It’s not a good start, Back to the Future 2. Not a good start at all. Is there a reason why they didn't just show the exact same ending sequence?

Clouds, likely because they couldn’t think of anything else to put here. From the wonderful clocks in the first movie to what appears to be a late-90's screensaver in this one. Again, this isn't a good start, Back to the Future 2.

Wait a second. This is 2015, and it doesn’t look like the 2015 in this movie. For one, nobody’s wearing totally impractical silver shades like Doc Brown is here. That's not to say I wouldn't wear them, but I don't believe I've ever seen them.

“All the kids in the future wear their pants inside-out.” Not quite, but it wouldn’t actually surprise me that much. Kids in 2015 are pretty stupid.

Yep, totally nailed the future. I actually don’t hold that against the movie. I like the chances they took here.

“You got to scrote?” Oh, my God. That combined with the headgear is enough to turn you completely off.

Bojo? What’s a bojo? Low-res scuzzball. As a child of the 80s, I'd like to defend the bad writing here. We were inventing stupid words so rapidly in the 80s that the writers of this had no choice but to think it would continue well into the next century.

"Save the clock tower” guy, Charles Fleischer, also the voice of Roger Rabbit. This is an interesting cameo here.

Cubs win the World Series, eh? Against Miami? Sure, it was prescient to give Florida a baseball team, but the poor Cubbies didn’t make it to the World Series and couldn’t have played the Miami team anyway. Nice try though, Back to the Future 2. I'm so happy that this baseball season is over, by the way. I was tired of hearing about how this movie predicted Chicago would win a World Series.

Why is there an Ayatollah Khomeini video waiter anyway?

Tranks, lobos, and zipheads live in Hilldale. Sounds like my kind of place!

Not even a talking parrot can save this. The height Biff wears his pants, an upside-down man who is clearly not Crispin Glover, Michael J. Fox playing a female version of himself. This is absolutely brutal.

How much more obvious could they make the “your father doesn’t like being called a chicken” thing?

Biff’s going to know exactly how the time machine operates. Yeah, I’m buying that. He can’t even drive it in reverse without hitting a dumpster.

Speaking of dumpster--this movie.

Flea. No, he can’t save the movie either. Not even one of the stars of The Big Lebowski can help.

“Chicken.” Cue string music!

AT&T product placement, as obvious as the “chicken” thing from earlier.

One thing this movie got right about the future of 2015--everybody’s going to communicate with personal fax machines. That was spot on!

After the near perfection of the first movie, the plot holes in this one make it even more disappointing. Its predecessor contained flawless science. This one is what the kids would call a hot mess.

Kudos to the dog playing Einstein. He’s good, especially when he’s allowed to improvise.

"Even I'm embarrassed about how this movie turned out. Woof!"

Geez. I guess Hilldale’s no longer a “nice place to live.” I guess the best way to paint a picture of the apocalypse as brought on by Biff and a sports almanac is to have a bunch of crashed cars. Biff becomes rich, and people no longer know how to drive? This movie doesn’t really make sense.

A heavily-armed Strickland threatening Fox’s nuts keeps me going, knowing that there will be a generous helping of Strickland in the last third of the movie.

Now the bum’s named Red? It wasn’t in the first movie, was it? That's the great George "Buck" Flower, by the way.

Marty, your mother’s eyes are up there. . .

Got to love Lea Thompson’s versatility in this, often even when she’s playing the same character. The way this character changes based on the timeline she happens to be in is fun to watch.

I wouldn’t mind seeing a spin-off to give Biff’s trio of pals a backstory or three.

Do you think Marty stumbled around the cemetery with a flashlight until he found his father’s gravestone, or was he given directions? Probably in this movie, he did the former.

I think I’d rather be watching the Clint Eastwood movie, preferably with a pair of bimbos in a hot tub. When I make my millions betting on sports, that's precisely what I'll do--watch Westerns in a hot tub with some whores.

Stairway chase. Heck yeah, I want to see that movie with Biff’s pals!

Biff’s stupefied celebration on the rooftop is mimicked by Wild West Biff in the next movie. One of the few nice touches in this movie there.

Yeah, keep explaining, Doc Brown. None of this is still going to make any sense to anybody.

Christopher Lloyd’s ridiculous, frenetic pacing on the street after landing in 1955 is one of the things that makes me want to forgive the first half of this movie.

I have to look up who does the voice of Biff’s grandmother. (As expected, it appears to be Thomas Wilson. Good work there.)

I do like the gaps this fills in for the 1955 storyline. They didn’t need to be filled in, and it doesn’t really enrich anything, but it’s still kind of fun.

“Get your cooties off of me!” If I had a dime for every time somebody said that to me in elementary school, I'd have a few more bucks than I have now.

There are three Delorean time machines in 1955 at one point. Is my thinking correct there?

“Five-eighths? Don’t you mean three-quarters?” For a guy so concerned with not changing the past--as well as a guy who’s seen the worst-case scenario of that happening--he really has no problem with changing things.

Was that a fake Crispin Glover dancing? If so, I assume that’s where they used a guy with a Crispin Glover mask and therefore the thing that made Glover a buttload of money.

Ahh, never made the connection. Biff has these same three idiotic friends in the 50’s. Minus the 3D glasses unfortunately.

Following Strickland and the “sports almanac” was never the right move, Marty. Didn’t you remember how this turned out? Strickland didn’t own a casino in the mid-80s!

“What’s CPR?”/“He just took his wallet” guy. CPR Kid, or "Lester" in the novelization of this movie, played by Wesley Mann who was also in Parker Lewis Can't Lose three times. And he apparently looks like this now:

Now that's what I call versatility!

There’s fake Crispin dancing in the background while Marty talks to Doc on the walkie-talkie, and it’s not even close. Even somebody who isn’t a Crispin Glover aficionado could see that.

Oh, my God...the chicken thing again! And things were going so well at this point.

Does Biff never use his rearview mirror?

Maybe you should just land the car, Doc?

Am I the only person who watches this and hates everything involving the stupid hoverboard? The crap with the train in the third movie, this 1955 action stuff, the 2015 chase that parallels the 1955 one. The hoverboarding was just not a good idea.

I’m sure there’s some physics explanation, but how is Doc zapped to 1885 there? He wasn’t traveling 88 miles per hour. This movie doesn't make sense.

Still just love how the storm stops immediately after the clock tower is struck by lightning. It’s like the storm said, “Ok, mission accomplished. We’re done here.”

Back to the Future III, coming Summer 1990. That was back when I still had a pulse and was convinced I could work myself into other people’s dreams. What a damn fool I was back then. It's also the time when I realized that I had been in love.

Back to the Future Day Celebration! Time Travel Movie Fest: Back to the Future (Movies A-Go-Go)

1985 popcorn masterpiece

Rating: 19/20

Plot: I already wrote about this movie here.

And you can probably read more coherent thoughts there, too. I've apparently bumped my rating up 2 points. Back to the Future, the more I think about it, really belongs on a list of my favorite movies ever. It's an 80's movie that doesn't feel all that dated, and the only things that I really feel like criticizing are product placements that would probably embarrass Speilberg and an ending that Crispin Glover doesn't like. This is one of those movies that I've seen so many times that I feel like I have every beat memorized, yet it doesn't really get old. It's as fresh now as it was the first time I watched it, and you still notice new little details each time you watch the thing.

Anyway, this got the extremely popular Movies-A-Go-Go treatment in honor of Back to the Future Day a little over a month ago, and then I forgot to put it on here. So here it is.

Love the sound of ticking clocks, but here are a couple questions: 1) Why does one man need this many clocks? 2) Where can I find myself a Harold Lloyd clock? Nice foreshadowing, by the way.

That one-shot travel through Pee Wee’s house is so good. And maybe it’s because I’ve seen this a dozen times or so, but the storytelling is so perfect here. This movie gives you information so effortlessly.

Product placement: A Burger King and an awesome Mountain Dew trucker’s cap. And by the way, it sure is sad that Doc Brown went from living in the sweet pad we see later in this movie and earlier in the timeline to what's apparently a shed next to a Burger King.

Wasn’t your fault that you were late, Marty? You were in your friend’s house about five minutes and ended up 25 minutes late. Marty's concept of time makes you wonder if he's equipped to be in a movie about time travel.

What’s going on with Mr. Strickland’s neck wrinkles?

The Pinheads. First album: The Pinheads Play Huey Lewis and the News.

Save the Clock Tower Woman isn’t overdoing it or anything.

I’m already really sick of Huey Lewis. I can’t hear him without thinking of his penis.

Crispin Glover! His gesticulations during the “Run ‘em on over first thing in the morning” line are just part of what makes this one of the greatest performances in cinematic history.

Pepsi, Bud Light, Nike. Even Doc Brown’s got a pair of Nikes.

Based solely on Crispin Glover’s laugh, he should have gotten the “Michael J. Fox money” he asked for to do the sequel.

Interestingly enough, Crispin Glover still doesn't look as old 30 years later as the 1985 version of his character looked in this movie. The guy doesn't age.

A Devo reference? "Is that a Devo suit?" I never would have noticed that without the closed captioning. I'm not sure why I never made that connection before.

December 25th was the birth of Christ? You know better than that, Doc. Not even the staunchest of Christians believes that anymore. Clearly the man has snorted too much plutonium.

Doc Brown has a wrinkly neck problem, too. It was a dangerous situation in the mid-80’s.
The foreshadowing in this movie is so good. I’m not sure I ever noticed that “next 25 World Series” line before.

Such great music right before the arrival of the terrorists. The gradually build-up is so good.

This movie gives Libya a bad name. Terrorists in a VW bus?

Laugh it up, Terrorist. It's all fun and games until you explode in a mall parking lot while trying to get back your plutonium.

Why does Marty drive right into a photo thing? Smart move if you know you're being gigawatted into the past, but if you don't, it just seems like bad driving. Marty's as good at driving as he is getting to school on time.

“Looks like an airplane...without wings!” Nice acting, Pa.

“Take that, you mutated son of a bitch!” Also good.

Ronald Reagan, another reference that pops up later. This movie is so good at doing that. This is about as cleverly written and visually-gagged as a movie can be, isn't it?

I’d be embarrassed if I lived in a city that couldn’t come up with a better motto than “A Nice Place to Live”

Tab.

I like the dad’s line which makes it clear that he’s hit a lot of Peeing Tom’s with his car.

The running gag about Marty being a sailor is funny.

Question: How cute would your mom have to be for you to have any sexual interest. I mean, Lea Thompson's got to be kind of close, right?

I remember seeing this movie as a kid and thinking that Christopher Lloyd actually was this way. The silver jacket, the hair, the contraption on his head. He’s channeling Dr. Frankenstein.

“Jesus, didn’t that guy ever have hair?”

“A rhythmic ceremonial ritual.” I can definitely see why Marty would want to hang out with this science guy, but I would love a prequel showing how these two met. I know it's blasphemous suggesting that anybody else play these characters, but wouldn't that be cool? And I know it wouldn't exactly be logical, but finding out that Doc Brown had to befriend Marty despite how unlikely that would be just to not destroy the space-time continuum would be a nifty conflict. Has that been addressed in a comic book or something?

I can’t be the only person who watches this and wonders why Biff’s friend wears 3-D glasses all the time. I believe that was referenced on Doctor Who which makes me feel a little geeky.

Hey, Darth Vader wasn’t from Vulcan! I’m surprised this doesn’t piss off more sci-fi geeks.

“Lou, give me a milk...chocolate.” This five minute sequence--”My density has popped me to you.”--is 
Crispin Glover at his best. Why didn't the guy get an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for this work?

Why do Biff’s words cause the jukebox to shut off?

This movie made me want to take up skateboarding, and I soon learned that I had no business being on a skateboard.

I hate the shot of Marty riding behind the blue-green truck and giving a wave to the people watching in the diner.

Doc Brown apologizing for the quality of his model. So good.

Lloyd’s gasp when the burning car hits a pile of crap and catches it on fire is also so good. Could any other actor have made this character this memorable?

“Hey, you, get your damn hands off her.” That’s one of the beautiful things about this movie. I can’t imagine anybody else--not even Eric Stoltz--playing Marty. I can’t imagine anybody else playing Doc Brown. And I definitely can’t imagine anybody else playing George McFly. This performance is spot on, idiosyncratic.

And now we get to see him dance? Just imagine that you’re at the Enchantment under the Sea dance and you see this guy dancing by himself like Crispin Glover is dancing.

“Who you calling spook, Peckerwood.” I probably quoted that line way too many times as a teenager, naively.

No, it doesn’t make sense that George, in a moment that gets me every single time, is going to be able to knock out Biff like that, but how do you expect Biff to fight with the raging hard-on he must have when he gets out of that car?

As Marty’s hand disappears, you really get the idea of how all these small moments in life really matter. I don't like the disappearing hand gimmick, but that message is still powerful.

There’s such irony with this Chuck Berry allusion. In reality, white rock and roll guys borrowed from black musicians. Here, we flip the script and have Chuck Berry being influenced by a white kid. That's probably racist.

Doc’s told Marty not to give him any information about the future, but shouldn’t he at least tell him that being sent back at “the exact same time” is a terrible idea? Although I guess he isn’t going to end up at the mall again, so maybe it doesn't matter.

I’ve always wanted to time this “less than four minutes” because it’s always seemed a lot longer than that to me.

As we approach the climax, I’m trying to think of a movie that is as purely entertaining from start to finish as this movie is. Comment below if you can think of any.

Ahh, and there’s Doc’s near plummet that brings us back to the Harold Lloyd clock at the beginning of the movie. So good.

I like Doc Brown’s shoes.

Longest four minutes in movie history. And it’s taking a Delorean travelling at 88 miles per hour a long time to go one block. Suspend your disbelief and just go along for the ride though.

Photo thing in a mall parking lot, movie theater...in Part III, the time machine is about to hit a drive-in screen. What’s the significance of any of this? The Delorean keeps almost hitting things that produce images.

Did I never notice the mall's name change or did I just forget about it? That's clever stuff, ruined only a bit by more obvious product placement. 

Fred does not look great, Marty.

Why does Marty have his alarm set for 10:27? And why does he sleep on his face with one arm 
behind his back? If it wasn’t shown twice, I’d assume he didn’t do it all the time.

Marty just avoided his mother’s kiss. I wonder why.

I totally get why Crispin Glover hated the end of this movie. It is sort of like a capitalistic wet dream, isn’t it? Would everything be just as “alright” if they didn’t have all this financial success and material possessions?

This cliffhanger ending seems abrupt to me. Maybe it’s partly because I know how crappy most of the second movie is though.

The Trip

2010 comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Steve Coogan travels around with friend and nemesis Rob Brydon to write about dining experiences in England's finest restaurants.

Is there an actor willing to make himself look like such a terrible human being as much as Steve Coogan? How he manages to play either himself or unlikable characters and be more likable than Hugh Grant is amazing to me. I don't know Rob Brydon, but they have a rapport in this that works. This is virtually plotless unless you consider "two guys go to a bunch of restaurants and attempt to out-impression each other" a plot, but it works as a sillier My Dinner with Andre, one with a lot more meandering and many more dinners.

Eventually, the conflict ferments, and you realize the movie is sneakily about something. There's a melancholy sprinkled in with the humor, and that ends up working, too.

There's nothing revolutionary going on here, and I'm not sure I would have liked this movie if it was any longer than it ended up being. Still, I'd recommend it because of some good characterization, fun improvised performances, and the softcore food pornography.

Skyfall

2012 James Bond movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: James Bond tries to stop a a bad guy from doing bad things.

The Bond universe is filled with interesting villains, and Javier Bardem's disfigured and effeminate baddie can be added to the pile. His backstory's revealed bits at a time, but it's all the stuff that remains unrevealed which makes him fascinating. Of course, Bardem gives an arguably over-the-top yet somehow still subdued--as if that makes sense--performance that makes you miss him when he's not on the screen and keeps your eyes glued when he is. Often, the villain is at least as much fun in these James Bond movies than James Bond himself, even when he's at his most charismatically cool, and the character Bardem helps create here is no exception.

That's not to say Bond's no fun. I'm not sure how people feel about Craig anymore because I haven't paid much attention, but I like what he brings to the character a lot. I've always thought that these movies are things that men enjoy because they can live vicariously through the hero. Vicariously and invincibly. I suppose it's possible that Bond dies at the end of one of these movies, but you'll know about it way before it happens. So you watch these movies and know that no amount of bullets, gimmicky execution sequences, or unprotected sexual intercourse--because you know Bond ain't going in with a prophylactic--is going to kill the guy. So the pre-adolescent boy within gets to cheer and be just as indestructible right along with the protagonist for a couple hours.

Now Craig's Bond is a little different because it seems like he's gotten nicked up as much as all the other James Bonds combined. At least his testicles have. Here, he's vulnerable again, but he's also a lot more human. He's as real to us as Macaulay Culkin. He's got a past, he's got fears, he's tired, and he knows how to booby-trap a house. It makes you wonder how Kevin would have done if Pesci and Stern had themselves a helicopter.

That climax of Skyfall is fine and maybe even a little emotional, but I didn't think it was nearly as interesting as everything that led up to it.

Unless I heard Adele in a commercial that I don't remember, I think this was the first time I heard her. I liked the theme song more than most of the Bond movie theme songs. It reminded me of all the classic ones.

I watched this with the plan to catch up and see that new one in the theater, but so far, I haven't done that.

Naked Fear

2007 trash

Rating: 5/20

Plot: A killer hunts strippers.

I figured this movie would meet my naked-women-being-hunted-like-animals need, but I was wrong. Actually, I thought this movie was something else and barely paid attention to it after realizing my mistake.

The tagline on the poster up there doesn't feel all that inspired, but I found a even worse one: "Somebody is hunting strippers and nobody seems to care." You've got to love a tagline that matches both the plot of the movie and the experience of anybody watching it.

I'm sure Danielle de Luca's parents are proud.

Tenebre

1982 thriller

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A mystery writer in Rome inspires a seriel killer to kill a bunch of people.

I was going to have a Dario Argento mini-fest around Halloween, but I only managed to watch this one before becoming depressed. This is a weird little movie, but it's not weird because there's anything happening that you wouldn't expect to see in a murderous and mysterious thriller. It's just got a vibe. And a film over it, like all giallo films, the sort of thing that makes me feel a little dirty for watching it. Argento indulges, treats 70's-era cinema violence like it's artistic expression, and shows some flare with one lengthy unbroken shot voyeuristically scanning the withins and withouts of a house. And there are boobs. Clearly, Argento doesn't care much about the characters as real people, and I think we're supposed to be apathetic as well.

The story is intriguing, and I had trouble guessing its twists and turns. In fact, I had trouble even figuring out what happened or how it happened after everything was supposedly revealed. That didn't really bother me much because the plot, like the characters, was just there to open some wounds and help the blood spill all over the place.

I'm still not sure what I think of Argento or any other artist who's come from Italy. I'll have to give an Argento Fest another try sometime.

Pitch Perfect 2

2015 sequel

Rating: 11/20 (Emma: 17/20)

Plot: The Bellas, following an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction in front of President Obama, have to take on the world in a competition that no American group has won before in order to

Muffgate.

It almost seems too easy, and although I'm not ordinarily so stuffy that I can't enjoy a little raunchiness with my movies about acapella singing groups, it just doesn't work as well for me if that's where all the humor's coming from. Maybe I'm misremembering the first movie--which I enjoyed--but I don't remember it being wall-to-wall raunch. Maybe it's because I'm a couple years older and a couple years more mature.

The music didn't work for me as much either. My favorite musical bits involved the German group who were supposedly the antagonists. But Das Sound Machine winds up being a little like Ivan Drago, a "bad guy" you really only root against because you're xenophobic. Well, that and they're a little arrogant. Arrogance is hard to cheer for, but it's not like we see them beatboxing and harmonizing and then biting the heads off kittens or anything. And for whatever reason, I just didn't find the Bellas as likable this time around. They seemed more like characters yanked from your typical 80's raunchy comedy, and their subplots--Fat Amy's relationship with Adam DeVine, a guy I do like despite that face; Anna Kendrick's budding career as a producer; the new character played by Hailee Steinfeld doing whatever she's trying to do--failed to grab me. Inexplicable appearances by Snoop Dogg and some of the Green Bay Packers were just as forced as you would think they would be. When Snoop Dogg's appearance singing Christmas songs feels like a breath of fresh air, your movie's probably in a little bit of trouble.

Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins' commentator characters aren't as funny either but are still probably the best part of the movie. Banks, by the way, directed this movie. Mark Mothersbaugh did the music, but I can't remember much of it.

I'm not sure I had huge expectations for this even after enjoying that sleeper that was its predecessor, but it still managed to disappoint. It's just not as much fun as it should be. If they make a third movie, something you know they'll do, I'll probably watch it with my daughter, but I'm not going to be excited about it.

Berberian Sound Studio

2012 movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A sound technician works on an Italian horror movie that, according to the director, isn't a horror movie. Shenanigans ensue!

I loved the pace of this movie, a pace I'd probably describe as tedious. This is the sort of movie that could really test one's mental health, and for that reason, among other reasons, it's definitely not for everybody. Credit daring editing and the expected use of sound for some of those other reasons, but those are also the parts that gripped me, creating this foreboding tone. It's the same feeling that you get when you're a young child who's been dared to walk inside a supposedly-haunted house and you've made it all the way to the front porch and are just kind of standing around. This movie immerses you in sounds, pulling back the curtain to show, albeit in what I suspect is a slightly-exaggerated way, how movie sound magic is created. It's Italian horror magicians revealing the secrets of their tricks. Accompanying those sounds are quick shots of vegetable abuse.

This movie irritated my wife which may have earned it a bonus point. For large chunks of the movie, it's just creepy noises and women screaming. Apparently, somebody who is trying to sleep doesn't want to hear that.

Here's Toby Jones, actor:

He's like the anti-Clooney. I'm not sure anybody with a head shaped like that should even be allowed to act. He looks more like he should be an IT guy or something. I immediately recognized him (because I'm a guy who runs a highly successful movie blog) from a memorable Doctor Who episode (oh, it's because I'm a geek), but I've apparently seen him in more than that. He's worked with Muppets, Captain America, and Katniss. I've seen him as Karl Rove and Smee and heard him as Dobby the house elf. I think my favorite bit of Toby Jones trivia is that he played Truman Capote and Alfred Hitchcock the same years that more famous actors played the same figures in more notable movies. I like Jones a lot here, and I like the character in the same why I like Barton Fink in that meta experience. Both are characters barely able to even react, seemingly lost in a purgatorial haze or something. Jones doesn't have a lot to do, but he looks natural as he demonstrates his character's genius with sound.

This isn't a movie I'd recommend to a lot of people despite my high rating. I'm sure it would frustrate most people, especially if they're watching it while trying to sleep.

Creep

2014 found footage horror movie

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A guy with a video camera is hired to chronicle a few hours in the life of a loner who says he has cancer and a limited amount of time to leave something behind for his unborn child.

It's interesting what you can do with a camera, a pair of actors, and a fragment of an idea. This is a little unnerving, but I also thought it was kind of funny. I'm not even sure if it was intentionally funny or not, but Mark Duplass is hard to take seriously as a dramatic actor because I've only seen him in comedic roles. Part of me wanted to assume that this is a sequel to the television series The League and assume that he slaughtered and ate the rest of the characters before this movie's story picks up.

Side note: This has two credited actors, but somebody had to do the female voice heard during a telephone conversation. Was that Duplass's real-life spouse Katie Aselton? The prospect arouses.

Duplass gives this delirious and wacky performance. His character is tough enough to figure out although you really know something is wrong from his very first appearance. I think it's the wide eyes. His best moment in this is one where he somehow manages to scare himself.

The other guy--Patrick Brice--isn't as convincing or natural in front of the camera. It gets a little in the way of the found footage verisimilitude. The use of that genre works for the most part although, as always, you have to suspend your disbelief a little with what you get to see and what you aren't seeing. Like, how does everything that ends up in the finished product something that matters without any editing whatsoever? I mean, sure it's a film that was edited in our reality, but in the movie's reality, it's supposed to be more of a what-you-see-is-what-you-get scenario, right?

You have to wonder if 50% of the budget for this movie went in buying the "Peachfuzz" mask. If that was indeed purchased at a 99 cent store, it was worth it just for the shot of Duplass against a door while wearing that mask.

This is clearly one of those movies that some people will like and others will hate. It's really nothing special and adds nothing to the horror or found footage or psychological thriller genres, but it's got a humor that I like and is just different enough to keep my attention for a little over an hour and fifteen minutes.

The Woman in Black

2012 horror movie

Rating: 12/20

Plot: A former wizard travels to the middle of nowhere to look at a creepy house and makes a new friend.

Daniel Radcliffe wears an expression on his face for the duration of this movie that makes it seem like he's surprised to be in a movie with this many horror cliches. Loud noises accompany jump scares, characters move to reveal things lurking in backgrounds, auxiliary characters freak out over the arrival of a newcomer, the protagonist makes more than a few questionable decisions, etc. It's not a surprise that this is a Hammer Films production because it's pretty old school.

I'm not sure if there was a mystery here, but if there was, I figured things out well in advance. I'm guessing things were supposed to be as straightforward as they seemed.

If you're just looking for some scares, this will likely suffice. Where it doesn't succeed in creating characters you care about or telling a good story, it makes up for it in making you piss in your pants. There's one great lengthy sequence where they just make poor Harry Potter wander around the sufficiently creepy house and have scary things happening. When this movie isn't interested in advancing any plot, it succeeds well enough.

The ending is really silly, but it should appease any Christians upset by any of this witch stuff.

Ex Machina

2015 sci-fi nightmare

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A frequently-inebriated genius makes himself a robot with a rockin' bod and then invites over a computer nerd to see if he gets horny. He does!

One of my favorite things about this movie is the visual contrast between this cold ultra-modern house that Oscar Isaac's character lives and works in and the natural setting that encompasses it, perpetually lingering on the fringes. I wonder if I'm the only person who's seen this who found the trees both beautiful and menacing.

This Domhnall Gleeson fellow has become ubiquitous. He's like a dorky everyman--an everydork. And I don't mean that in a negative way. Here, he's likable with just the right mix of perviness and sketchiness, and as good as Oscar Isaac is as a brutish sort-of villain and as rockin' as that robot's figure is, it's really Gleeson who makes the story work.

This is one of those quietly lurking science fiction movies, the kind that feed a little bit on paranoia. And since only intelligent people are ever truly paranoid, it might appeal more to smart people more than people like me. I think my favorite sci-fi movies are the ones where humans use science to kill themselves. If this movie is an example of that, than this is probably a spoiler.

This is moody. It's more polished than Beyond the Black Rainbow, THX 1138, or Under the Skin, but it's got a similar tone. It's darkly mysterious and lightly suspenseful, and it worms its way into your fissures.

I might have liked this movie more if I understood its point. Narratively, it works, and I liked the sparseness with the characters and setting. Isaac gets some great lines, including some poetic waxing about Dan Aykroyd getting a blow job from a ghost. Alicia Vikander is fetching, and there's a wonderful and intelligent reverse-stripping sequence that's just about as arousing as any forward-stripping sequence I've ever seen. If this is a movie that tests whether the viewer would have sex with a robot, it gets a definitive yes from me. Of course, I probably would have had sex with a robot even before seeing this movie though.