Good Time

2017 crime thriller

Rating: 14/20

Plot: After a pair of brothers botch a bank robbery scheme, the mentally-challenged one winds up arrested. The other brother attempts to free him.

Gritty and hyper-modern, this movie definitely doesn't suffer from a lack of propulsion. It's filled with all sorts of twists and turns that keep this thing zigzagging even as it thrusts forward. Drenched in neon and urban grease, Robert Patterson brings this flawed but likable little twitchy jerk to life as he wades through a nightmare of his own construction. I'm not sure there's anything novel about any of this, and the score and some implausibilities were a little distracting, but I still ended up liking this enough.

The Beguiled

2017 drama

Rating: 13/20

Plot: During the Civil War, a wounded Union soldier recovers at a school for girls in the South. His presence stirs up things in the women and girls remaining at the school.

Two movies in 2017 had a lot to do with mushrooms, and this was one of them. 2017 was all about mushrooms and the music of John Denver.

A lot of this movie was really dark. Sofia Coppola really wanted to remind the audience that there was no electricity back then, and she did a great job with that.

Lucky

2017 swan song

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Lucky faces off against old age and worries about David Lynch's turtle.

Is there a better send-off for an actor like Harry Dean Stanton than to show him on the big screen doing yoga in his boxers at the age of 90? I don't think so.

Stanton's performance is just about perfect. He could have just showed up with his bones and wrinkles and watered that cactus like he does on the movie poster there and it still would have been perfect. I'm not sure I always like the things his characters say as it's hard to figure out whether this Lucky fellow is supposed to be as wise as those wrinkles might indicate or a guy who can't even complete a crossword puzzle by himself, but the character is too likably-cantankerous to not care about. And when he bursts into a spontaneous song late in the movie, it nearly brought a tear to this unlikably-cantankerous viewer's eyes.

David Lynch plays one of Lucky's friends, an eccentric guy who owns a turtle. Actually, I'm not sure if anybody told David Lynch he was in a movie or not. Maybe he just stumbled in and started talking to the characters as himself.

Touching, ornery, and as incomplete as a human life, this has a little to say about mortality and both higher powers and lower ones. It's profound in a naturalistic and minimalistic ways and is a great swan song for an acting legend.

Fantastic final shot in this one, too!

The 15:17 to Paris

2018 true story movie

Rating: 5/20

Plot: Three bros stop a terrorist attack on a train.

Clint Eastwood has completely lost it. Whatever "It" might be, he's lost it at the age of 137 or however old he is. This movie is an embarrassing perfect storm of terrible writing, bad acting, and inept directing from a director who should know better.

I was offended pretty much from the beginning with a pointless attack on public schools and a heroic "My God is bigger than your statistics!" mic drop moment. I groaned loudly enough that the two old people with me in the theater (the only two others) both half-turned to look at me. A second reference to the evils of statistics, Jamba Juice product placement, a Flags of Our Fathers poster, a cliched training montage, and lines like "This isn't good bye; just a see-you-later" had me rolling my eyes more than I've ever rolled my eyes while watching a movie in a theater. In fact, I'm pretty sure eyes have never rolled this hard in the history of eyes!

The biggest issue is probably the performances. I thought the child actors were pretty bad, but then I saw their adult counterparts and realized that the casting director had to find kids who could act as well as the real-life guys playing themselves in this movie. Alek Skarlatos, Anthony Sadler, and Spencer Stone might be real-life heroes, but that doesn't mean they should be acting in feature films. I'm not even sure they should appear in Snapchats or home videos of birthday parties after this actually.

Other legendarily-bad moments: Lots of God in this, mostly delivered by Jenna Fischer who reads her lines like she's being forced to in some sort of hostage standoff;  CPR dummy that manages to out-act Stone in one scene; two moments when Clint Eastwood, or his cinematographer, get a little randy and linger on the posteriors of college-aged gals for a little too long; an utterly pointless tour of Italy where the characters crack bad jokes, talk about their selfie sticks, and order and consume Gelato; a scene where kids are admiring a firearm that was obviously put in the movie to give the NRA folk something to masturbate to.

And I know what you're thinking, defenders of 15:17 to Paris: those scenes, like the extended Gelato scene, only showcase that these are regular everyday guys who had no intentions of ever becoming heroes. Showcasing the mundane was Eastwood's way of emphasizing the Everyman-aspect of this trio. Maybe so, but you can't do that and have them engaging in conversations about how they're going to be heroes or how life is pushing them toward some big moment.

Eastwood played with narrative structure with Sully and American Sniper, and he seems to want that to be his thing now. It's so awkward here, and combined with all the other embarrassing sequences and bits of terrible dialogue and cliches, it shows that Eastwood probably needs to retire and just concentrate on talking to chairs.

OK, that was a little mean. He shouldn't retire, I guess. Sully wasn't awful. It might have been if the real Sully had played the lead instead of Tom Hanks though.

Garbanzo Gas

2007 lo-fi gunk

Rating: 5/20

Plot: Two guys shack up in a hotel, but their planned suicide at checkout time is interrupted by a vacationing cow.

I'm glad that I don't have anything better to do with my time.

I didn't recognize the name Giuseppe Andrews, but I did see one of his movies before--Period Piece, which reminded me of a less-talented Harmony Korine after he had been clobbered in the head by a more-talented Harmony Korine a few times. You can check the review above, but I'm pretty sure I said something about how nobody should watch that movie.

As I get older, my tolerance for this sort of stuff should be less and less, but I actually kind of got a kick out of this. Andrews has an absurdist humor that can't quite make up for his lack of filter, what has to be a lazy work ethic, and technical ineptness. I laughed a few times, and I groaned a few more.

There are some terrifically bad performances, probably by people who were also in Period Piece. Miles Dougal attempts to channel Jack Nicholson as Leon and gets a great death scene. Walt Dongo (Walt Dongo?) plays his pal. Both of them wear ridiculous wigs. Bill Tyree plays Dingles Davenport, who I believe is the orthopedic shoe killer, getting great lines like, "Hey, can I stay in your trailer? Me and my orthopedic shoe need a place to fuck." Or "I need skirt and spuds before I pound my puds and fill my ortho shoe with the crud from my bunny dud. Nut sacks! Nut sacks!" That's something else. As is his "I got a groin" soliloquy which makes me weep just thinking about it.

And then there's the performance of Vietnam Ron, the guy who plays the cow. He gets a great dance sequence, after which he apologizes for not knowing how a cow dances and then laughs. I'm not sure that was scripted. In fact, I'm not sure any of this was. He also says, "Yeah, my udders look dazzling" at one point, and he attempts to milk himself. It's wonderful!

With random words ("Udders" or "High five") appearing on the screen, multiple plot twists involving flatulence, cuckoo clock sound effects, groin goulash, a ventriloquist dummy with added breasts, several instances where the cameraman can be seen in a hotel room mirror, and an odd ending showing a bunch of actual cows, nobody's going to accuse this of being uninspired. It's lunatic fringe material, and I almost want to like it. . I just wish it wasn't so juvenile.

Bad Movie Club: Boggy Creek II: The Legend Continues

1984 sequel

Bad Movie Rating: 3/5 (J.D.: 3/5; Josh: 3/5)

Rating: 4/20

Plot: A professor and three students go hunting for the elusive Boggy Creek monster. They have no business doing any sort of thing.

Charles B. Pierce decided he wanted to star as an action hero in a horror-adventure movie, and this was the result. You have to love how he wrote himself a character that is not only tough but really smart. I mean, he's a professor and all. He's not an action hero who knows how to change the inflection in his voice (though that might be part of what makes him so tough), and he's definitely not an action hero who knows how to pace a movie's narrative. A large chunk of his movie shows the characters driving around. Intermittent flashbacks are often more comical than scary, especially one where a guy is attacked in an outhouse. That flashback climaxes with the character having shit hosed off his pants. One student likes to go shirtless, a wardrobe choice that I'm pretty positive was Charles B. Pierce's.

This movie kind of has its own unique rhythm, and it very nearly put me under its spell.

The monster is never really all that frightening. Honestly, that's part of the point. That's probably a spoiler though. The mad dog which comes along and has Marty Nipples screaming, "Mad dog!" and Pierce transitioning into full-on action hero mode is more threatening than the monster ever was. Of course, try telling that to the dude in the outhouse.

Favorite character: Old Man Crenshaw, played by Jimmy Clem. As Josh said, he was sort of like a Duke boy ancestor. This was Clem's final movie after just seven roles.

The Cloverfield Paradox

2018 sequel or maybe prequel

Rating: 9/20

Plot: I really don't feel like doing plot synopses anymore.

Netflix has done it again!

I was intrigued by the marketing for this, but the movie is nearly incomprehensible and the whole thing feels like it was halfway completed before J.J. and company decided it was a Cloverfield movie. It feels shoehorned into that burgeoning-but-somehow-already-tired cinematic universe.

Maybe I'd care about some of these characters in another alternate universe? The characters in the two or however-many they inhabit in this movie didn't do it for me.

Some surreal sci-fi imagery--worms, a disembodied arm, Chris Dowd--and a pretty cool gyrating space station weren't nearly enough to keep me interested in this mess.

Whereas the first Cloverfield movie and the John Goodman thing were successful--though I didn't care for 10 Cloverfield Lane--because of their simplicity and quiet foreboding, this one is sprawling and incoherent and far too ambitious.

Movies-a-Go-Go: Fifty Shades Darker

2017 sequel

Rating: 6/20

Plot: Who the hell really cares?

To ready myself to see the climax (no pun intended) of this steamy trilogy, I watched this middle installment. As with the first, I Movie-a-Go-Go'd this one. I'm not sure if they'll let me type in the movie theater to do this with the third movie--Fifty Shades Blander--or not, and I'm also not sure if I'll be able to see the movie in a bathrobe. Thoughts and prayers.

Here are my unadulterated thoughts while subjecting myself to Fifty Shades Darker:

Theatrical version or unrated version? Hell yeah, I’m watching this unrated version!

Christian is spanking it to some child abuse fantasy? What?

OK, that was a nightmare. I’m ten seconds into the film, and I’ve already proven that I may not be smart enough to watch the thing.

I must confess that I can’t really remember how the last one ended. I checked my own Movies A-Go-Go, but it didn’t really make much sense. This one also, I’m afraid, won’t make much sense.

Danny Fucking Elfman! What are you doing, man?

This feels like some sort of alternate dimension or something. I’m having a really difficult time interpreting the looks these people are giving each other.

Hmm...I wonder who could have possibly purchased these photographs of Anastasia?

And. . .here he is. And. . .they’re staring at each other indeterminately.

You can’t do this, Anastasia? What do you mean? After he just grabbed at your throat and slammed you against a brick wall? How could you possibly resist?

Christian’s sweater is a shade of gray.

“I’d like to renegotiate the terms.” Yes! That’s what I came here for! Term negotiation really gets me going!

“Okay, well, um...generally a key part of good communication is that both parties be conscious.” Well, you should have gotten a pair of leads who could actually appear conscious.

No punishments? This is not what I signed up for, Fifty Shades Darker!

No strings attached, Christian? And no pun intended!

“This is spiky.” If she keeps saying things like that, the terms may need to be re-renegotiated.

Apple product placement.

I’m seeing more and more of text dialogue appearing on the screen, and I don’t think I like it.

I’m not sure I like the cut of this Jack character’s jib.

I don’t know what a “jib” is exactly, but I bet Christian Grey would enjoy whipping it.

“I’m the boyfriend.”

“I’m the boss.”

"I'm the disgruntled audience."

Ben and Jerry’s product placement. Blatantly placed.

I know it’s early and I know there’s a sequel with both of these characters in it, but during this scene where they’re cutting vegetables, I’m really hoping one of them cuts himself or herself and bleeds to death.

Hugs from behind are off limits? Also not what I signed up for, Fifty Shades Darker!

“I’m too dressed.” I just want to point out that somebody had to write that line.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is some vanilla sex on the horizon.

I may have to use my safe word sooner than expected because of the song that’s playing during this scene.

Christian Grey butt cleavage.

On a personal note, I’m not sure I’ve ever had sex with my pants on. Am I missing out on something there or not?

“I was being romantic and then you distract me with your kinky fuckery.” Did Anastasia suffer from a traumatic brain injury or seven between movies?

This breakfast is slightly hotter than that sex scene.

Why is Kim Basinger in this movie?

They’ve had about four fights in the two or three days since they’ve gotten back together. I’m not sure these two are compatible at all.

“All of this is wrong.” Anastasia just wrote my review for me.

I can’t claim that I’m an expert of romantic relationships, but I’m seeing all sorts of warning signs here.

This lipstick drawing scene is pretty intense. I’m really not sure if he’s enjoying this or if it’s causing him discomfort. He’s not a great actor.

“No, you’re not putting those in my butt.”

What do the balls you just inserted into yourself do? I don’t know, but I really hope they jingle when she walks.

I’m hoping for an Eyes Wide Shut type party here. I mean, they have masks.

Mr. Nomad Paul?

Are there typically auctions at balls? I’m not sure how the wealthy operate, but that doesn’t seem right.

Now she’s open to being spanked? You should have forcibly shoved metal balls in her vagina earlier, Christian!

Three spanks is enough.

I think the crazy girl is admirable. She makes things happen!

The lipstick is still on him? Wasn’t that from a few days ago?

So many shots of this fucking boat! This seems endless, but Anastasia just said, “I’m the captain!” and made me laugh, so it’s all good.

And the award for the Most Boring Scene Taking Place in a Kinky Sex Room goes to. . .

Ironic that Christian talked about running with this device because there’s no way anybody could actually run with that thing shackled to their ankles.

That move to flip Anastasia onto her front probably gave her a wryneck!

“I hate it when we fight.” It’s half your relationship!

Her dream job? I find it hard to believe that anybody’s dream job is working as an assistant to this total asshole.

“If you’re going to fuck your way to prominence, you should at least do it with somebody who is gonna make you smarter, not just richer.” That’s actually pretty sound advice.

Jack’s got a total Matt Lauer vibe going on here.

That knee to the groin needed stunt doubles. She missed, and he reacted slowly.

“Christian, you know I love working [it].”

Van Morrison gets me going, too.

If I had a dollar for every time I rode an elevator with somebody who said, “Don’t come”. . .

I have a feeling this pool game is going to be the most suspenseful part of the movie.

Does a lack of panties affect one’s pool game?

He’s putting it in the back pocket, if you know what I mean.

Be careful, Christian. From personal experience, I can tell you that it’s tough to get jism out of red felt.

The pool game was about 30 times longer than the subsequent sex scene.

The way Leila said “Master sleeps in your bed” made it seem like she’s a descendant of Torgo.

OK, now I’ve decided that I’m definitely not smart enough for this movie. I have no idea what’s going on with this Leila subplot.

Prediction: They’re going to fix Jack up with Laila and manage to spank two birds with one stone.

Whoa! Her hand is in the lipstick zone!

I’m thinking that entire pool scene was the only thing this has that the theatrical version was missing.

He’s got a pommel horse?

I can’t believe this movie isn’t over yet.

I’m curious. If you start this movie and Gymkata at the exact same time, do the pommel horse scenes occur simultaneously?

More texts. This time, it’s revealed that Anastasia can spell “persistent.”

Ros is worried about Mount St. Helens blowing. I’m kind of hoping it does.

Mayday! Mayday! Our CGI helicopter is going down!

“My, you’re so tan and glowy.” Anastasia has a way with words.

That helicopter stunt was going a little far to get her to say yes to your marriage proposal, Christian.

“It’s after midnight.”

“I’m not tired.”

“It’s your birthday.”
Christian: Really confused look.

A keychain with the word “Yes” on the back. Christian’s question: “Does this mean yes?” Now I’m wondering which is the dumb one.

OK, I think I need to point out that he actually asked if it meant “yes yes.” That’s a little different.

The Red Room! Fuck, yeah!

I think he’s dumping lighter fluid on her chest now. This thing’s about to heat up!

How much time has passed in this idiotic movie?

“He’s the one, Mom. He’s got a Red Room, and his own helicopter! Oh, wait. . .”

And the movie is still going on. You’d think the engagement and Red Room would be the climax of this.

When does the auction start at this birthday party?

Christian’s brother seems like he could be a Trump.

By the way, this movie still isn’t over.

He’s proposing again? Did the makers of this forget that they’ve already gone through this?

I need one more Red Room scene before bed.

What the hell? Jack’s actually still a thing?

CGI fireworks. Nice ribbon on this movie.

Columbus

2017 Hoosier movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: The son of a Korean architect finds himself stuck in Columbus, Indiana, where he befriends a local librarian who is also stuck in Columbus, Indiana. They start a relationship based on cigarettes, architecture, and being stuck in Columbus, Indiana.

Is it common knowledge that Columbus, Indiana, is known for its public art works and modernist architecture? I live about an hour or so north of the city and wasn't aware of that at all. It's probably a good thing that this movie wasn't some kind of huge hit because people would flock to the city to check out some of the beautiful buildings, and I'm not sure Columbus can handle that much flocking.

This reminds me a little of something like Linklater's Before Sunrise. Not a lot happens. Two characters connect and have some conversations and check out buildings. This takes place over several days though instead of half a day. To be completely honest, I didn't like the guy all that much. He was a little mopey, and even after we get to see his unclothed backside in a shower scene, I just didn't care all that much for him. And I love unclothed backsides! He's played by John Cho, the guy who plays Sulu in recent Star Trek movies and Kumar's friend, Harold. I really liked the female character Casey played by Haley Lu Richardson. I thought she was as charming as a young lady could possibly be, and I liked how much of her life was relayed to the audience without her needing to say very much. The dialogue between the pair is economical, at least when they're not talking about architecture, just so much meaning to extract from snippets of things the characters expose of themselves and sometimes even revelations that aren't being articulated at all.

The best part of the movie is its look. Columbus--unpredictably for me--is very photogenic, and director Kogonada (one of those fellas with only one name) puts the characters in all these perfect spots to show that off. And there are all sorts of random shots--high-angle shots of library shelves, glass baubles on a table, empty hallways, a hanging coat and hat--that don't need to be in the movie at all, at least for any narrative reasons. But they add to this atmosphere that I really liked.

I would have to watch this again to figure out how some scenes fit in. The parallels with the two characters parents are obvious, but there are other scenes--Jin with a woman who works with his father, Casey conversing with a co-worker/friend--that threw me off.

Winchester

2018 horror movie

Rating: 8/20

Plot: A psychologist is sent to the architectural wondrous Winchester house to declare the rifle heiress insane so that her control over the company can be taken over. She believes the house is inhabited by the spirits of people killed by the company's product.

Seeing the preview for this a half dozen times, I was convinced that it might be interesting, especially since it is based on a true story and Helen Mirren was involved. If I had seen that poster up there, I would have reconsidered. I was the only person in the theater when I saw this, and I spent most of the movie pacing back and forth in anger. If others had been there, I still might have paced, and if they asked me what the hell I was doing, I would have yelled, "What?! These horror movie cliches aren't bothering you?!"

Countless jump scares with half-second cacophony, characters acting inexplicably just to have an excuse for those jump scares to exist in the first place, obvious character arcs, a little kid singing "Beautiful Dreamer," gross zombie ghost figures that could have come from any other movie with gross zombie ghosts. This was ugly stuff. This was stuffed with so many horror cliches that I was half-convinced it was a parody of some kind.

At the end, they flashed up some info about the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 causing a lot of damage. What the hell was that? Was that the filmmakers way of saying, "Hey, guys, I'm just kidding about all this ghost stuff. Everybody in the movie was obviously nuts because they thought an earthquake was a ghost."

The most enjoyment I got from this movie is looking up the song "Beautiful Dreamer" on my phone, something else that you can do when you're the only person in the theater, hoping for an anachronism error. I was ready to make fun of the movie for suggesting that the creepy red-headed kid had written "Beautiful Dreamer." Turns out that the song is from 1864, the last song that Stephen Foster wrote. So that's interesting.

Something I learned: Winchester also made roller skates. I kind of want to make my own movie about a house haunted by the ghosts of people who have been killed by roller skates. It would obviously be a musical.

Ray Dennis Steckler Film Fest: The Thrill Killers

1964 B-movie

Rating: 7/20

Plot: Homicidal maniacs on a bloody rampage!

By Ray Dennis Steckler standards, this is pretty good! By other directors' standards, it probably isn't. I do think this early Steckler work shows that he has some visual sense, or at the very least, he's willing to take some chances and experiment a little, most notably with some odd camera angles, some weirdo perspective shots, and a chaotically edited scene of scissor violence. As you might expect if you've seen Steckler's work, some bad writing, some worse acting, and a lack of evidence showing the guy had any idea how the story was going to go before he started shooting it brings this down. Of course, those might actually be the reasons why you'd watch a Ray Dennis Steckler movie anyway. You probably don't watch his films because you want to see scenes--like the aforementioned scene of violence or a climactic chase sequence on foot through the hills--go on for way too long. But if you do, this delivers there as well.

Steckler himself (as Cash Flagg) plays one of the homicidal killers. I'm not sure if he's a "thrill killer" exactly because I was a little confused about who was thrill killing in this movie and just engaging in plain, everyday killing. He's almost believable as a psychotic guy in some scenes, and he's almost got a presence. Compared to almost all of the rest of the performers here, he's pretty good. You do get the impression that he thinks he's a little better than he actually is though. But hey, he also does his own stunts, so there's that. The best moment is when he takes the hat from a cowboy he's shot so that he can run around with a cowboy hat on instead of running around without a cowboy hat.

Here's something I was confused about. The movie opens by saying the story is based on true events in 1965, but the movie came out in 1964. Trying to figure out how the hell that happened threw me off in the early going.

Steckler put his kids on screen in this one just like he did in Blood Shack. At least I think it was his kids. They looked like the same kids, but there's a chance I just think all kids look the same. Two performers stand out more though. One is this guy at a party who says, "Joe, I saw part of your movie this afternoon. Boy, was it bad!" and then spits out the worse fake laughing that I've seen in a movie in a really long time. He also demonstrates his inability to clap properly in a scene where he's watching people dance. The other is Keith O'Brien who plays Keith, one of the escaped lunatics. He's the one with the ax. Things really picked up once those characters were introduced. I mean, without them, I doubt this movie would have had any decapitations.

And yes, all three of the crazy guys have character names that match their actual names--Keith, Gary, and Herbie. Well, Herbie is Herb, I guess. I think that's probably close enough.

I'm having trouble thinking of another scene that has a lengthy (and also frenetically edited) chase sequence with a horse and a motorcycle. Maybe this is the only one. That's something.

The Bothersome Man

2006 Norwegian comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A man's taken by bus to a gas station in the middle of nowhere where he's welcomed and taken to a city where everybody seems pretty content. He's given a job and home and a little bit of money to get him started. He meets some women, becomes disillusioned by the whole experience, and looks for a way out.

What is this? A look at malcontents in the afterlife? A satire of consumerism and discontent? A cautionary tale about not understanding one's place in society? The film's enigmatic in that nothing is explained. You never know why the main character ends up in this strange little gray utopia and why he can't seem to escape. The ennui's thick, and so is his hair. From the opening shot (grotesque smooching) to the melancholy final shot, this one keeps you on your toes. There's an existential vibe, but the movie's also very very funny. It is, after all, a comedy, and if there's one thing I know about Norwegians, it's that they like to laugh. A welcome sign, a conversation about tables, a lost finger and the subsequent "Ouch," a great scene with some sort of cake, a humorous disembowelment, the most casual breakup in cinematic history. Lots of funny stuff, but the film looks great, too. The colors are perfectly Norwegian, and there are some really great shots, including one that takes place after a subway sequence that I can't say anything about because it would give far too much away.

A little Kafka, a little Roy Andersson, a little Lynch maybe, a little Beckett. It's got its influences, sure, but the whole winds up completely unique and really entertaining. Highly recommended!

Hard Core Logo

1996 mockumentary

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A punk band, defunct for several years, reunites for a brief tour of Canada.

I didn't know that I needed another mockumentary about a band in my life, but this one works fairly well. The music's not very good, but the personalities of the band members keep things unpredictable and lively. If you're just looking for another Spinal Tap to make you laugh and give you things to quote with your idiotic friends, you might be disappointed. There's a lot more darkness with this one, especially with the shocking ending.

De-Lovely

2004 musical biopic

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Cole Porter's musical life flashes before Kevin Kline's eyes.

My dad had this movie sent to me. I really liked the music, and I liked a lot of the extended shots transitioning from stage to flashback or from one time to another time.

I'm not sure if Cole Porter's story is worth telling or not, unfortunately, because I was distracted by clumsy pacing and direction and some moments that made me either roll my eyes or laugh inappropriately. The best example of the latter is when a horse falls on Kevin Kline's legs and he's required to act like he's in pain. Having an angel take Porter on this musical journey through his life might seem like a cute idea on paper, but I really got tired of the whole thing pretty quickly. I didn't like Kline's performance, and Ashley Judd was apparently much too young to play Porter's wife who was actually older than him.

I felt every single bit of the two hours and five minutes of this film. It was a real endurance test.

Cole Porter is from Indiana, by the way. You don't have to pay me any extra for this bit of trivia.

Anatomy of a Murder

1959 courtroom drama

Rating: 17/20

Plot: A small-town down-on-his-luck attorney takes on a big city lawyer from Lansing as he defends a guy who murdered a man who allegedly raped and killed his wife.

I like Jimmy Stewart more and more the older I get. I love his character here, and I love the lines he's given, and I love his delivery of those lines, and I love how he puts his hands on his love handles. In fact, I'm going to start imitating the latter when I want people to take me seriously. That move, one that kind of gives him these jagged wings, is enough sexy for any movie, but then there's Lee Remick.

Duke Ellington did the score for this. It's great, and so is his cameo as "Pie Eye."

As a fan of courtroom dramas, especially the more unrealistic ones, I thought this was a real treat. This one has less to do with actual evidence and mystery and more to do with how to play a jury. My wife wondered about how controversial it might have been with all the talk about rape and panties.