Planes

2013 animated movie

Rating: 8/20 (Jen: 3/20; Emma: 5/20; Abbey: 3/20; Buster: 11/20)

Plot: The titular anthropomorphic flying machines are in a race around the world. The protagonist, a crop duster with aspirations of being a race plane, qualifies for the big race and has to overcome all sorts of obstacles, including (ironically) acrophobia, in order to stay in competition.

My expectations weren't high for this travesty, and I was still somehow underwhelmed. This is one of the most boring animated movies I have seen in a very long time. The characters were dull, a completely uncharismatic but nice-enough hero who I'll call Rodney because I really can't remember his name and a whole bunch of cultural stereotypes. They zip around the world and what happens is exactly what you assumed would happen all along, and it's all a lot like Cars except with all the originality and heart removed, like a Cars vivisected and gutted. And when your movie is a vivisected Cars, your movie sucks. Now I understand why this was made, and I'm willing to bet that most of the writers and animators involved in putting this together suspected that they were making something that wasn't really very good at all. But that doesn't make it any less offensive. At 91 minutes, this predictable tripe seemed as long as Ben Hur. After a while, I lost interest in what was going on and just concentrated on trying to predict what super-obvious landmark the planes would see next. The animation's pitiful. The characters in the Cars universe or whatever they're calling this (can't wait for Rickshaws, by the way) are rubbery anyway, the kinds of characters that could only appeal to children. Here, the characters move in fast and exciting ways, but that's about it. I hate the look of these things even more than I hate the look of the cars in Cars. And one of them is voiced by Dane Cook. And apparently, the Disney people didn't have their top guys working on the scenery either, and it barely earns a passing grade, especially when compared to the movie's contemporaries. And no, clouds and geographical features shaped like planes is not as clever as you think. Not even Ratzenberger can save this one. This, like the awful and awfully boring sequel to Cars, should never have been made. And I'm afraid they're not done milking the vehicles-with-faces franchise. Come on, Disney. You're better than this.