The Peace Killers

1971 motorcycle gang vs. hippie movie

Rating: 8/20

Plot: When the leader of a biker gang hears that his ex-girlfriend is living in a nearby hippie commune, he and a few of his comrades bike off to go fetch her. The hippies fight back!

This is a fairly entertaining entry in those no-budget movies that attempted to make a buck after the success of more successful counterculture movies, some featuring both bikers and hippies. The trio of bikers at the beginning of the film--the floppy-hatted and lazy-eyed, a guy who can't quite get his words out, and a short guy--are almost comical until a flashback with a fairly nasty rape scene. You really only root for the hippies because the bad guys are so nasty. Otherwise, you wouldn't like the hippies much at all, especially their leader whose lines consist mostly of crying about how fighting isn't very nice. Jess Walton makes a great damsel-in-distress as the ex-girlfriend. The real star of the show might be the psych-rock soundtrack. The action scenes are fine for a movie like this--a lot of overhead shots of guys riding motorcycles. There's a scene where a pair of motorcycles carry the woman in a bag suspended between the two vehicles which is well done. The climactic fight scene with the hippies teaming up with a rival motorcycle gang including the afro'ed Lavelle Roby as Black Widow is so obviously not choreographed. One guy gets a great dying scene though where he says "Eeeeee!" And there's a scene where the titular killers of peace embarrass themselves by torturing a guy with a pencil, lamely.

Trip with the Teacher

1975 field trip

Rating: 5/20

Plot: While on a field trip, a teacher and her students are assaulted by malicious motorcycle-riding brothers and another guy.

This was the last movie for Jack Driscoll, a definite candidate for my annual Torgo award. He only appeared in four movies, and it doesn't seem like any of them were very big parts unless "Liquor Store Rowdy" is a big part. Here, he's Marvin the bus driver, and he's so good. His reaction to a cat fight that erupted after some Bible quoting had me rewinding to get a screen shot. Even the motorcycle ruffians start laughing during a scene where he's discussing his bus problems ("The bus chugga-chugged.), and I'm honestly not sure if they're laughing because the script told them to or because of his acting. And director Earl Barton knew what he was doing when he decided to include a bunch of close-ups of Driscoll squinting and parting his lips indecisively. The rest of the acting is about as good. A gas station attendant is like a grumpy Don Knotts. The girls are about the same as they are in 1970's movies like this--mildy attractive and scantilly clad. The real star of the show, other than the underutilized Jack Driscoll, is Zalman King, the main villain. This is slow going at first with teen girls reading about Navajos (even her friends seem bored by the movie at this point) and guys pumping air into their motorcycle tires, but at least there's some funky music to accompany it all. But then there's Zalman King doing his Zalman King thing. It's never clear what's wrong with his character or why he would wear sunglasses like he does which make him look like a big-haired insect. His behavior is completely unnatural. He hugs Marvin for no reason at all and tweaks nipples. And then, of course, there's the whole murder thing. He can't seem to stop giggling and seems sleepy. If there's such thing as Giggling Narcolepsy, he's probably got it. Or maybe he's just a tweaker. The action scenes with King are really awkward. Now, I've never been in a knife fight (Note: I've been in a hatchet fight though.), but the way people in movies fight with knives always seems really goofy to me. My favorite Zalman King action move is when he gets in a fight with Marvin the bus driver and head-butts him in the butt. A head-butt in the butt. That's got to have another name. A butt-head-butt? There's a thrilling motorcycle chase or two and an absolutely ridiculous ending that you would almost have predicted if the whole thing wasn't so preposterous. Oh, and I just love how they all can still joke about the whole thing at the end, just hours after they watched a crazy insect-man rape and murder people. There's a good message there, I think. One more odd little thing about this movie: There's a weird humming that pops up every once in a while, but it doesn't seem to be coming from any of the characters. I assumed that it was the score, maybe the cheapest score in movie history. Director Barton is credited with "The Hummer's Theme," so there you go.

Viva Knievel!

1977 movie

Rating: 4/20

Plot: After breaking into an orphanage, healing one of them, and flirting with a nun, Evel Knievel nearly dies in a motorcycle stunt while attempting to jump over cages full of circus animals. Well, he breaks his arm anyway. He impulsively retires. He's lured to Mexico and back into the jumpin'-over-things game because. . .well, I think it has to do with money. Leslie Nielson, however, wants him dead so that he can use his trucks to transport drugs into the United States. Meanwhile, Knievel tries to bag a newspaper reporter.

I had an Evel Knievel lunchbox as a kid. Actually, I don't know if I had one or not, but I'm going to go ahead and say that I did for the blog. The stuntman intrigued me, and this is without even getting a chance to see him in this movie or knowing that he had healing powers. That's right. It only takes about five minutes of movie before you get one of the most heartwarming and beautiful scenes in motorcycle stunt movie history when an orphan tosses away his crutches and says (I shit you not), "You're the reason I'm walkin', Evel. You're the reason I'm walkin'!" Brought a tear to my eye anyway. Evel Knievel isn't all heroic in this. In fact, a lot of the movie makes him look greedy and surly. He's mean to Gene Kelly. Poor Gene Kelly, by the way. What did he do to deserve this? He does deliver a powerful anti-drug speech while standing next to a nodding Frank Gifford in which he references Indianapolis and says, "Narcotics will make you blow all to hell!" I was convinced. Leslie Nielson plays the bad guy, cardboardily, and Lauren Hutton is the love interest/newspaper reporter. Also, Marjoe Gortner and his curly hair are in this. Marjoe plays a rival stuntman, and he's about the most interesting character in this thing, probably because not much of what he does makes sense. Of course, I was probably just distracted by that hair and his creepy eyes. Frank Gifford plays himself a lot more naturally than Evel Knievel who at times looked like he knew he was making a terrible mistake but that it would be worth it because a hell of a lot of lunchboxes were about to be sold. For those of you into motorcycle/car chases, the one that makes up the finale of this stunt-and-drama-filled extravaganza seems like it's at least forty-five minutes long. The most thrilling stunt, to me at least, was a spill from a wheelchair though. That might have been the only stunt that Evel Knievel, really not in his prime here, actually had anything to do with. I also laughed outloud when a child fell off a motorcycle. Note: I'm still trying to figure out if this is a real movie.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go not take narcotics.

Deathsport

1978 futuristic action masterpiece

Rating: 4/20 (Mark: 4/20)

Plot: Some evil people kidnap a couple "guides" and prep them for. . .wait for it. . .the titular Deatsport! That's an arena-style competition involving glass swords, motorcycles, and inexplicable explosions.

Corman needed another "death" movie and this is what happened. David Carradine is the Carradine in this one, and I'm willing to bet it's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him. Not that he would remember a thing since he was apparently stoned throughout the filming. This movie isn't good for the right reasons, but it does have just the right ineptitude to provide a few laughs. The action scenes are repetitive, and my brother and I speculated that this might have the record for most things exploding in one movie. Most of those are random explosions, by the way, as these motorcycle death machines (destructocycles, natch) seem to blow up at the slightest touch. A climactic sword fight scene is also repetitive and dull with choreography that doesn't even show the swords, presumably because they are made out of glass and would shatter if they actually connected. Richard Lynch is a lame bad guy with an even lamer script, and he's got something wrong with his neck that perhaps distracted me from discovering the smaller bits of genius hidden within Deathsport. You also get some bug-eyed cannibals that look like they waltzed straight out of Killers from Space. My favorite scene, by far, was one with a naked Claudia Jennings in a disco torture chamber. I could just imagine this conversation taking place between the directors:

Director 1: Hey, I was watching what we shot yesterday.
Director 2: Yeah? What did you think?
Director 1: I hate to tell you this, but Deathsport is really going to suck.
Director 2: Oh, man. That's a shame because we've already shot fourteen hours of motorcycles with silver cardboard boxes taped to them driving around the desert. And this is really going to hurt David Carradine because he's really putting his soul into this performance.
Director 1: What are we going to do now?
Director 2: Well, I do have some Christmas lights.
Director 1: You do? Fantastic! Let's go see if Claudia Jennings will take off her clothes!
Director 2: Bingo! You took the words right from my mouth, Director 1!

To continue the thread of decapitation, this movie does have a rather exciting one. And the lovely Claudia Jennings, it seems, was also decapitated in an automobile accident. Apparently, it ended her acting career.

Also recommended for fans of The Help.