Leningrad Cowboys Go America Redux!

1989 Aki Kaurismaki movie

Rating: 16/20 (Only gave it a 13/20 last time I wrote about it on this blog--I'm embarrassed about that.)

Plot: The titular worst band in the world go America after being told that Americans will buy anything. They travel the country, trying to earn a buck by playing gigs in trashy bars that their unscrupulous manager has set up for them. Their ultimate destination is Mexico where they've been hired to play a wedding.

This movie is already on the blog, but I just don't have access to Aki Kaurismaki's movies and needed to see one. Plus, Criterion (God bless 'em) just released a box set with this and two others (stay tuned!), and I didn't want to watch the sequel without giving this one another spin. When I first checked this out, I wasn't familiar with Kaurismaki and probably just didn't get it. It's a brilliant comedy though a little more slapsticky and goofy than his other movies on this blog. The camera also moves a lot more. It's moving right off that bat actually in a sweeping shot that ends with the frozen Cowboy you see on the poster up there. There are a lot of sight gags in this one, some hilarious and some that just aren't. Seeing the dog's hair? Hilarious. The picture of their ancestor--Abe Lincoln with the Cowboy's hair style? Not so much. But actually, that little gag is so bad that's actually good. A tire popping gag, a scene with beer cans, a picture of a tractor. These kinds of shenanigans aren't going to appeal to everybody, but seven-year-olds who don't mind subtitles will think it's all pretty funny.

Here are four scenes that I really love, at least two of them almost entirely pointless:

1) A scene in a shoe store
2) A scene where the guy who is following them around is carrying a large fish while slogging around in a swamp
3) A funeral march that ends with "Chuck" the cop arresting them
4) The most ridiculous fight scene ever filmed, one with more hopping than should have been allowed

Brilliant stuff. And it's Kaurismaki's willingness to linger on the pointless that makes this stuff so good, I think. The written "jokes" are so subtle that you can't really even be sure it's all supposed to be funny. My favorite exchange is this one:

Concert venue guy: Before I can book them, I need to hear them play.
Manager: Is that necessary?

That's followed by this terrific shot of the accordion player's face that made me laugh out loud. Bam! Speaking of their music, I actually like it, and they're far from the worst band in the world. The tuba-accordion-accordion-mandolin-fiddle rock sound you hear at the beginning will have anybody with legs dancing around the living room, and their "Bad to the Bone" is so good that it hurts a little bit. My favorite song might be the bluesy number with the lyric: "Who made that horrible noise in the sauna, what, huh?" Or the country song which ends with a hearty "Yee-haw!" It's great stuff if you're entertained by this sort of thing. And you've got to love a movie that manages to find places in America that look more depressing than the Tundra these polka superstars came from.

My favorite actor of all time--the late, great Matti Pellonpaa--is superb as the manager. You don't need to look further than the scene where he greets a person with a barking "Hello!" and an awkward wave to see why I think this guy is the greatest actor to ever live.

Jim Jarmusch has a cameo as a used car salesman.

Next up: Leningrad Cowboys Meet Moses.

Double Indemnity

1944 noir classic

Rating: 20/20

Plot: A horny insurance guy meets a dame (I think that's what they were called back then) with gams (I think that's what they were called back then) that don't quit and decides to help her kill her husband in order to impress her.

Sorry to tell you this, but if you don't like this movie, you just don't like movies. True, you could probably say that about every Fred MacMurray movie that doesn't involve him turning into a dog. I remember seeing this for the first
time after knowing MacMurray only for The Shaggy Dog and the Flubber movie and having no idea he could be this cool. I guess we can't give credit to MacMurray for these gems though:

"I couldn't hear my own footsteps. It was the walk of a dead man."
"How could I have known that murder could sometimes smell like honeysuckle?"
"I wanted to see her again. . .without the silly staircase between us."

No, Raymond Chandler gets credit for those. I'll give MacMurray credit and possibly a lifetime achievement award for the way he lights a match though. I dig everything about this movie, from title credits with the approaching shadowy figure to the Stanwyck's terrible wig. A slow-moving train, a hide behind a doorway, excessive perspiration, the A-ha look that Edward G. Robinson has in his eyes throughout the entire movie. Double Indemnity is probably the purest example of noir storytelling, all Venetian blinds and femme fatales and shadows, and although it's reportedly Ass Masterson's 7th favorite movie of all time, it's impossible not to see it as the classic that it is. jHe probably just likes it because none of the characters are happy at the end though. This picture of depravity, greed, and horniness is just perfection.

Stand by Me

1986 buddy/coming-of-age movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Four boys in Oregon lie to their parents and go on an adventure to look for a dead kid.

First off, this movie isn't very believable at all. I've seen what happens to people who pull guns on Kiefer Sutherland, and I don't buy that Wil Wheaton's fate would be any different.

This movie has a special place in my heart for a couple reasons, both sentimental. When I watch it, I can't help reminiscing about my own adolescence since I grew up in the 1950s and frequently walked around with my idiot friends looking for dead bodies and cussing up a storm and pulling leeches off each other's nutsacks. Also, I was twelve when this movie came out, and I went to see it with three of my friends--Scott, Maurizio, and Vernon--and it was very easy for us to connect with the characters. I liked the fun oldies music, the loose and episodic plot structure, and the rapport the four friends have. I liked how the tone could change so smoothly from reflective and meditative to comical to adventurous and then back again. These boys had the same kinds of problems and feelings that I had but would probably never talk about with my friends. They had better hair and access to cigarettes, but other than that, I felt like I could have been one of these kids. As you know from reading this blog (I'm talking to 2 1/2 of you here), I like movies where characters walk around and do nothing. Unless they're Hobbits, I guess. This is a good one of those, and it only has one pointless tale about pie eating and only slightly goes overboard with the sentimentality a little bit. Here's an example of quality child acting by the way. Wheaton, Phoenix, O'Connell, and Feldman aren't exactly realistic 1950's teenagers, at least the way I imagine 1950's teenagers to be, but I did believe them as teenagers. It's a shame that River Phoenix and Jerry O'Connell both died so young because either one of them would have been perfect in the sequel to Teen Wolf. A nice little Hollywood movie. I should call up Scott, Maurizio, and Vernon and have a little reunion and watch this movie actually. Unfortunately, one of them got hit by a train. Another might be in jail.

Punch-Drunk Love

2002 romantic comedy, P.T. Anderson style

Rating: 17/20 (Dylan: 14/20)

Plot: A guy with a blue suit and a business that makes novelty toilet plungers witnesses a car accident, has a harmonium delivered to him, and meets a new friend all in the same morning. It's a lot for the guy to handle since he just wants to focus on how to take advantage of a Healthy Choice foods promotion to get frequent flyer miles. The secret--pudding cups. Meanwhile, he gets in a little trouble after calling a phone sex line. The world's just not an easy place for poor Barry.

I love this movie, and it's not just because it made me change my mind about Adam Sandler. In fact, I'm not even sure that's a good thing. He's good in this though, and the only scene I'd pitch in the whole Sandler-heavy movie (he might be in every single scene) is one where he breaks character and does a little dance in a supermarket. This one caught me by surprise back in '02, and I actually watched it three times in a two-week period because I had to show it to people. Great cast. Emily Watson's pulls off normal-but-with-an-barely-perceivable-not-quite-right so well, and Philip Seymour Hoffmann is great in the limited screen time he gets. Jon Brion's score is an adventurous harmoniumicious affair, and he uses mutant pop sounds to perfectly parallel what must be going on in Barry's head. Most of all, I think this movie's really funny. I like my comedies, especially my romantic ones, to have a generous helping of quirk and discomfort, and this one's got plenty of both. I'm not sure how realistic Barry's autism or borderline personality disorder is, but I sure enjoy laughing at it! And sure, it's nice to watch the guy overcome whatever issues he has to get the girl in the end. The story's simple but a sprinkling of oddities distract from a lot of Anderson's genius. Shots are perfectly framed, and there are some really cool extended shots with this amazing character choreography. Anderson set out to make a much simpler and shorter and easier to swallow movie than the opus that is Magnolia or even Boogie Nights, but that doesn't mean he got lazy with this one. Is Paul Thomas Anderson, by the way, America's best contemporary director? I'm asking that question without thinking about it. Discuss.

Dylan had to do a psychology project where he watched a movie with a mentally-ill character. I picked this for him. We almost watched the equally-hilarious Awakenings though because the scenes where the patients catch the tennis balls make me laugh uncontrollably. They're also really fun to imitate.

Oprah Movie Club Pick for August: Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters

1985 biopic, apparently in four chapters

Rating: 16/20 (Mark: 15/20)

Plot: It's the rockin' good times of the titular author, Yukio Mishima, a man all messed up in the head because he was forced to rub his grandmother's legs as a young boy. This weaves three of his stories/plays and his parallel life events before describing the details of his last day when he commits suicide after his buddies make fun of his Harry Caray impression. Or something. I really don't understand this culture at all.

This is one of the more challenging biographical movies you're likely to see. It's conveniently broken into four chapters, three which attempt to blend biography and Mishima's literature and one which matter-of-factly reenacts the man's final act. And by "convenient," I mean "not really all that convenient at all" since it's hard to connect the dots with the fragments of this guy's life. The styles and colors vary--the beautiful black and white of memory, the lavish and almost gaudy colors in the staged literature excerpts, and the realism of that final day. I don't think too many people will watch this and not think it's all beautifully filmed, the individual chunks of Mishima's story told in visually stunning ways rich with symbolism. My man Philip Glass's pulsating score adds to the experience. Striking. But for me (and maybe this is just because I'm a dumb guy), it was hard to put some of the pieces together, and there are times when it got a little boring. Mishima and his contradictions are hard to get your head around in this. He's a writer who doesn't believe in the power of words, a married homosexual, a guy with convictions that really aren't all that clear. All the actors playing Moshima do a fine job, especially Ken Ogata (the last Moshima) who also did a great job in the The Pillow Book where he played Ewan McGregor's penis. This is a pretty and intense movie, and it's a very good movie if you're in mood for a really complex story about a really complex guy. It's just not completely satisfying.

Trivia: Philip Glass only used two fingers when composing to score for Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters.

Summer of Nicolas Cage Movie # 20: Next

2007 movie

Rating: 10/20

Plot: Oh, snap! Somebody wants to blow up Los Angeles, and the FBI thinks the only person who can stop it is a two-bit Las Vegas magician who can see two minutes into the future. That magician (Cris Johnson, a guy who gets my nerves automatically because of the lack of 'h' in his name) is too busy trying to make a quick buck and ball Jessica Biel though.

Sleazy hair and silky-smooth narration. That's really what modern Nic Cage movies are about. Unfortunately for my boy Nic and this movie, I don't really like his character. There is one terrific moment where a character asks him if he's a leprechaun, and he laughs hysterically. And we get to see his flirting on display as he woos Biel with conversation about raining fish in Denmark, Zen monks eating hot dogs, and quotes from Italian painters. This movie's got some unfortunate special effects and some very big music. The characters aren't allowed to evolve; they're just there to set up big big action sequences anyway. The finale is the dumbest with Nicolas Cage looking like he's in a movie made by M.C. Escher, duplicated and re-duplicated until there are about a dozen running around. Yeah, don't get excited Nicolas Cage fanboys because it's just about as stupid as it sounds and only slightly arousing. You also get a Matrix-y Nicolas Cage twisting away from bullets. It also borrows from A Clockwork Orange in another implausible scene where the FBI forces C[h]ris to keep his eyes open and watch something-rather. I just didn't buy much of what was going on in this. The seeing-two-minutes-into-the-future premise has promise, but what they do with the special magic power isn't all that interesting. I also didn't buy the Biel relationship. This seemingly half-assed effort lacks the depth to make you think about anything and doesn't have the special effects or action choreography to make this a very good action-thriller.

I really wish Nicolas Cage would only work with monkeys or Werner Herzog. Eagerly awaiting, by the way: Ghostrider: Stallion of the Cimarron. I saw a preview where he pisses fire in that one!

Box Elder

2008 college comedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A group of friends experience college together. They misbehave, fall in love, eat each other's Chinese food, trash an apartment, party, occasionally go to class, and party more.

This was recommended to me by a drunk Kent, and this free-flowing and nearly plotless look at college life, like a Dada Dazed and Confused maybe, really got me. I chortled at the antics of these characters who, to be honest, I could in no way identify with and who didn't seem all that realistic to me. A lot of it has to do with the comic timing and chemistry between the principles. I'm not sure how much of this was improvised, but it's got that feel, and it's one of those cases where I'm not sure how the performers kept from giggling at each other's shenanigans on screen. It also feels like it was filmed over a long period of time, probably on weekends or whenever a few of the actors could get together, a real labor of love. Cheap, irreverent, and destined for cult classic status if enough people bother finding it. There are so many gags stuffed in this thing that it demands multiple viewings. It's something I'd probably watch again which says a lot. Or maybe it doesn't say anything. Anyway, I'll look forward to seeing what else young director Todd Sklar does.

Extreme Animation: Films by Phil Mulloy

2009 collection

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Shorts about perverse and violent cowboys, the invention of writing and language, the ten commandments, head-crotch aliens, and the sex life of chairs.

I didn't have this long enough to enjoy it like I should have--in short installments. Over two hours of these crudely-drawn, almost entirely black and white animations turns out to be too much. Don't get me wrong. I did like the animation. Mulloy does a lot with stick figures, and his characters often move in surprising ways. I like Mulloy's humor, and there's a raw creativity with these shorts. At times though, the humor gets as juvenile as me with artsy references to sex and genitalia and all sorts of slapstick violence. All in all, I liked these things, just not in bulk.

I Spit on Your Grave

1978 feminist movie

Rating: 6/20

Plot: A writer retreats to the woods to work on a novel but is repeatedly assaulted and abused by four thugs. After they rape and humiliate her, three-fourths of them think she's been left for dead. Unfortunately for them, she's still alive. And pissed!

Trashy. There's a thin line, and the prolonged scenes of rapin' and killin' in this throw it firmly in the trashy category. The lack of budget isn't really a problem; as a matter of fact, if anything, it adds to the tension. So does the complete lack of music, though I suspect that it's because the makers of this couldn't afford any music or just forgot that movies are supposed to have music. This is a movie in two halves. The degradation of the protagonist goes on and on in the first half. Her story of revenge takes up the second, and the reason it didn't work for me is likely because the violence seems so unrealistic compared to what happened to her in that first half. I bet you a dollar, by the way, that I don't ever see the remake of this one.

Date Night

2010 comedy

Rating: 8/20 (Jennifer: 11/20)

Plot: A couple a little bored with their married life have a night of adventure when they take another person's reservation on their titular night, a simple act which sets off a chain of events that involve them being chased by some punks searching for a computer file.

Not a single laugh to be had here. I like both Steve Carell and Tina Fey just fine, but somebody forgot to give them a script. There's probably a clever idea for a comedy here, something with enough action for the dudes and romance for the ladies, but this couldn't survive as just a clever idea. That's the problem with these contemporary comedies. It's like they just go through the motions. Oh well. At least you get to see Marky Mark's nips for extended periods of time.

Edward Scissorhands

1990 movie

Rating: 20/20

Plot: An Avon lady discovers a lonely manchild with scissors for hands when she ventures to the dilapidated mansion to sell her wares. She brings him to her colorful suburban neighborhood. He's instantly the talk of the town as he shows off his mad topiary and tonsorial skills, but not everybody is thrilled to have somebody so different in the neighborhood.

This cry-out against conformity seems a little simplistic and whiny since the first time I watched this, back when Burton's themes resonated with me as I searched for excuses to be a weirdo. But this one's still got a special place in my heart, and not just because it's a beautiful final film appearance for one of my favorite actors or because I'm secretly in love with both Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.

First, the history. I didn't ask girls out on dates when I was in high school because I was smart enough to know that girls don't like weirdos. I might as well have had scissors for hands, too. But there was a girl named Jennifer who I fell for while I watched her ride a merry-go-round, and when this movie came out, I decided to ask her to go see it with me. The very idea sickened her, naturally since I was wearing a rayon shirt when I asked her and couldn't keep my nose from running. She didn't say no exactly; she just sort of laughed until I went away. I got in my parent's mini-van which for some reason I had driven to school and started home. I didn't make it though because I was driving way too fast on a gravel road, something that I don't believe they warned me about in the driver's training manual, and flipped the van upside-down into a ditch. I sat there upside-down for a while and thought about whether or not I should see Edward Scissorhands by myself. I decided against it.

But enough about me. Nobody reads this blog because they want to find out more about me. Heck, nobody actually reads this blog, but if they did, it would be for my expertise on all things cinematic. This movie's Tim Burton's finest hour. It's got my favorite Hollywoody score, Danny Elfman at his most Danny Elfmanest. It's also got all these terrific pre-CGI sets, from the sprawling and oh-so-colorful suburban hell suspended in time to the contrasting house of Vincent Price. And that shrubbery! There are little touches that I like, too, like the car choreography as the men of the neighborhood head to work and Edward's fireplace "bedroom" collage. Speaking of Vincent, his scenes are touching. His character is a spiffy dresser, really pulling off that ascot, and you've got to love the elaborate way he makes cookies. That's such an awesome scene, Vincent shuffling and watching the cookie-making mechanism and almost moving to Elfman's music. His death scene makes me cry although admittedly, I cry from the beginning of this movie. But why did he give Edward scissors for hands in the first place? Why would that have ever made sense?

This is my favorite Winona Ryder, too. I've admitted before that the only reason I wrote "Speedwalk Fantasy" and wanted to start an alternative rock band was because I wanted to sleep with Winona Ryder. Love her look in this so much. During the dancing-in-the-snow scene, spinning Winona's got this almost classic silent beauty look. I love a scene where Depp looks at Winona Ryder's picture for the first time.

Oh, while I'm thinking about it, here's some more Shane trivia: Kevin, Winona's little brother, has the same baseball sheets I had as a kid.

This one also appeals to my quirky sense of humor. I like the freak slapstick of the displaced character and can't help smiling every time I think about Edward slamming his head into the window on the drive home, poking the water bed, or trying to put on a pair of pants. Alan Arkin is hilarious as the dad, especially his reaction and first line while he watches Edward eat. I also love how he just sits in a lawn chair and watches bowling in his backyard because in this Burton world, that's really pretty normal. "No no no. That's a terrible idea." "We don't want him rusting up on us." Fantastic delivery.

This has a much darker second half that almost clashes with the fairy tale-ish and comic first half, and you really have to be willing to suspend your disbelief to get any enjoyment out of this. For instance, a black cop in this neighborhood? That just doesn't seem believable. And where the hell does Edward get all the ice at the end of this movie?

But I cry every single time I watch this movie. I cry because Tim Burton and his characters pull just the right heart strings. I cry because Jennifer would never have had any interest in seeing this movie with me. And I cry because Winona Ryder would never have had any interest in sleeping with me no matter how high "Speedwalk Fantasy" charted. Even the old woman Winona Ryder who, by the way, I'd still want to bang.

The Sound of Insects: Record of a Mummy

2009 documentary

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A guy takes some water, some writing material, a few books, a piece of plastic to use for a tent, and a desire to die into the woods. He eats nothing for a few months and dies. A trucker stops to take a piss in the woods and discovers his body. No, maybe that was the Lindbergh baby.

You know what this is? It's a really good book-on-tape. It's not a great documentary, especially visually as it's just a random series of images to accompany the guy's diary. The images, like a half-assed collage, grew a little pretentious, and you can wait for them to develop and add up to something insightful but they never really do. Still, the text is so gripping that the experience is worth it. I do wonder how we're supposed to think about this guy, however. I imagine a lot of readers (or viewers or, listening to my recommendation, just listeners) are going to see this as some act of courage, and I don't think that's fair to either insects or mummies. The insight and honesty of the starving man was fascinating to me though. There are these moments in the writing where he knows it's his last chance to back out of the plan, and that there isn't much of a conflict between his desire to die and a human being's natural will to live is really depressing.

By the way, it should be noted that I enjoyed a bowl of clam chowder while watching this movie. Chased it down with a large portion of banana pudding.

The Gore Gore Girls

1972 trashy murder mystery

Rating: 4/20

Plot: Somebody's mutilating strippers, and a suave private dick and a sexy newspaper reporter team up to try and crack the case.

Some Herschell Gordon Lewis gory funk, something I think I might have watched instead of going to church. First off, what a cool detective. He's got a cane and makes all kinds of inappropriate and cold puns about the murder victims. What's not to love about this hero? Well, except the acting of Frank Kress. I checked his filmography, and it's another example of a one-and-done, a performance that the guy knew he'd never topped so he never even bothered. The sickest thing about these proceedings is the comedic flavor which instead of giving this a healthy injection of very dark comedy only manage to make this seem like it's made by somebody who's slightly sick in the noggin. Look no further than the scene in which a throat-slitting isn't fatal but apparently a vicious spanking with a meat tenderizer is. Afterwards, the killer adds spices which in the hands of somebody a little more capable than Lewis's could possibly be funny. Here, after the extended shots of the bloody rump after other extended shots of mutilated thises and thats, it just seems sick, the wrong kind of twisted. Add relentless go-go music and prolonged scenes of nearly-attractive dancers disrobing rhythmically, and the experience of watching the movie just makes you want to take a long shower afterward. You know what you're getting into when popping in a Herschell Gordon Lewis flick though.

Cave of Forgotten Dreams

2010 cave painting documentary

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Werner Herzog and a bunch of boring people go into a cave to look at some paintings a child probably drew. See, they didn't have refrigerators in France 32,000 years ago, so cave parents just had their children draw on the walls. I'm not even a paleontologist, but I could figure that out. I have no idea why Werner Herzog didn't interview me for this movie.

This didn't thrill me, but it was nice seeing these pictures, the oldest human drawings we know of, even if it was just in boring old 2D. Some would say that Werner Herzog's narration gets in the way of his documenting, and although any of the 4 1/2 readers of this blog know exactly what I have to say about that, I thought his script here reached a bit. The outside-the-cave shots are really beautifully filmed. The inside-the-cave ones looked weird on my television, kind of wavy or something, probably the result of the 3D stuff. This didn't keep my interest for the duration, but it was worth watching.

I could probably paint a horse better than these people though. So overrated.

Lost in Translation

2003 story of friendship

Rating: 16/20 (Jen: 15/20)

Plot: American actor Bob Harris travels to Tokyo to make an easy buck filming a few commercials. He's lonely and surly until he meets a buddy, fellow tourist Charlotte. They hit the karaoke hard!

This might have the best opening shot of all time, the prettiest pink, gratuitous undergarments. I like Scarlett Johansson just because she had the urge to butcher a bunch of Tom Waits tracks. She's the type of actress I like to imagine eating pickles, lots of them in a variety of sizes and forms. Spears, hamburger, those giant honkers you you have to retrieve from barrels with tongs. Bill Murray's the exact actor for his part. He can just stand around and look like he's in the center of a pretty dark funk. I like how their characters' relationship develops, naturally and without a single Hollywood moment. What really makes this movie interesting is that the real story is left out. You get a glimpse into the source of Charlotte's funk and loneliness (that jerk, Giovanni Ribisi) and you hear Bob describe his marriage or talk to his wife on the phone (Lost in Translation trivia--comedy legend Don Rickles does the voice of Murray's wife), but the story here doesn't focus on any real issues, just the distraction from those issues. It's a movie that requires a reading-between-the-lines, and personal connections would make this a different experience for everybody, I think. Things do lag a little in the middle when the characters are having more fun than I was having (or probably have ever had), but overall, this is a nice quiet little movie.