Stand by Me

1986 buddy/coming-of-age movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Four boys in Oregon lie to their parents and go on an adventure to look for a dead kid.

First off, this movie isn't very believable at all. I've seen what happens to people who pull guns on Kiefer Sutherland, and I don't buy that Wil Wheaton's fate would be any different.

This movie has a special place in my heart for a couple reasons, both sentimental. When I watch it, I can't help reminiscing about my own adolescence since I grew up in the 1950s and frequently walked around with my idiot friends looking for dead bodies and cussing up a storm and pulling leeches off each other's nutsacks. Also, I was twelve when this movie came out, and I went to see it with three of my friends--Scott, Maurizio, and Vernon--and it was very easy for us to connect with the characters. I liked the fun oldies music, the loose and episodic plot structure, and the rapport the four friends have. I liked how the tone could change so smoothly from reflective and meditative to comical to adventurous and then back again. These boys had the same kinds of problems and feelings that I had but would probably never talk about with my friends. They had better hair and access to cigarettes, but other than that, I felt like I could have been one of these kids. As you know from reading this blog (I'm talking to 2 1/2 of you here), I like movies where characters walk around and do nothing. Unless they're Hobbits, I guess. This is a good one of those, and it only has one pointless tale about pie eating and only slightly goes overboard with the sentimentality a little bit. Here's an example of quality child acting by the way. Wheaton, Phoenix, O'Connell, and Feldman aren't exactly realistic 1950's teenagers, at least the way I imagine 1950's teenagers to be, but I did believe them as teenagers. It's a shame that River Phoenix and Jerry O'Connell both died so young because either one of them would have been perfect in the sequel to Teen Wolf. A nice little Hollywood movie. I should call up Scott, Maurizio, and Vernon and have a little reunion and watch this movie actually. Unfortunately, one of them got hit by a train. Another might be in jail.

Edward Scissorhands

1990 movie

Rating: 20/20

Plot: An Avon lady discovers a lonely manchild with scissors for hands when she ventures to the dilapidated mansion to sell her wares. She brings him to her colorful suburban neighborhood. He's instantly the talk of the town as he shows off his mad topiary and tonsorial skills, but not everybody is thrilled to have somebody so different in the neighborhood.

This cry-out against conformity seems a little simplistic and whiny since the first time I watched this, back when Burton's themes resonated with me as I searched for excuses to be a weirdo. But this one's still got a special place in my heart, and not just because it's a beautiful final film appearance for one of my favorite actors or because I'm secretly in love with both Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.

First, the history. I didn't ask girls out on dates when I was in high school because I was smart enough to know that girls don't like weirdos. I might as well have had scissors for hands, too. But there was a girl named Jennifer who I fell for while I watched her ride a merry-go-round, and when this movie came out, I decided to ask her to go see it with me. The very idea sickened her, naturally since I was wearing a rayon shirt when I asked her and couldn't keep my nose from running. She didn't say no exactly; she just sort of laughed until I went away. I got in my parent's mini-van which for some reason I had driven to school and started home. I didn't make it though because I was driving way too fast on a gravel road, something that I don't believe they warned me about in the driver's training manual, and flipped the van upside-down into a ditch. I sat there upside-down for a while and thought about whether or not I should see Edward Scissorhands by myself. I decided against it.

But enough about me. Nobody reads this blog because they want to find out more about me. Heck, nobody actually reads this blog, but if they did, it would be for my expertise on all things cinematic. This movie's Tim Burton's finest hour. It's got my favorite Hollywoody score, Danny Elfman at his most Danny Elfmanest. It's also got all these terrific pre-CGI sets, from the sprawling and oh-so-colorful suburban hell suspended in time to the contrasting house of Vincent Price. And that shrubbery! There are little touches that I like, too, like the car choreography as the men of the neighborhood head to work and Edward's fireplace "bedroom" collage. Speaking of Vincent, his scenes are touching. His character is a spiffy dresser, really pulling off that ascot, and you've got to love the elaborate way he makes cookies. That's such an awesome scene, Vincent shuffling and watching the cookie-making mechanism and almost moving to Elfman's music. His death scene makes me cry although admittedly, I cry from the beginning of this movie. But why did he give Edward scissors for hands in the first place? Why would that have ever made sense?

This is my favorite Winona Ryder, too. I've admitted before that the only reason I wrote "Speedwalk Fantasy" and wanted to start an alternative rock band was because I wanted to sleep with Winona Ryder. Love her look in this so much. During the dancing-in-the-snow scene, spinning Winona's got this almost classic silent beauty look. I love a scene where Depp looks at Winona Ryder's picture for the first time.

Oh, while I'm thinking about it, here's some more Shane trivia: Kevin, Winona's little brother, has the same baseball sheets I had as a kid.

This one also appeals to my quirky sense of humor. I like the freak slapstick of the displaced character and can't help smiling every time I think about Edward slamming his head into the window on the drive home, poking the water bed, or trying to put on a pair of pants. Alan Arkin is hilarious as the dad, especially his reaction and first line while he watches Edward eat. I also love how he just sits in a lawn chair and watches bowling in his backyard because in this Burton world, that's really pretty normal. "No no no. That's a terrible idea." "We don't want him rusting up on us." Fantastic delivery.

This has a much darker second half that almost clashes with the fairy tale-ish and comic first half, and you really have to be willing to suspend your disbelief to get any enjoyment out of this. For instance, a black cop in this neighborhood? That just doesn't seem believable. And where the hell does Edward get all the ice at the end of this movie?

But I cry every single time I watch this movie. I cry because Tim Burton and his characters pull just the right heart strings. I cry because Jennifer would never have had any interest in seeing this movie with me. And I cry because Winona Ryder would never have had any interest in sleeping with me no matter how high "Speedwalk Fantasy" charted. Even the old woman Winona Ryder who, by the way, I'd still want to bang.

Lost in Translation

2003 story of friendship

Rating: 16/20 (Jen: 15/20)

Plot: American actor Bob Harris travels to Tokyo to make an easy buck filming a few commercials. He's lonely and surly until he meets a buddy, fellow tourist Charlotte. They hit the karaoke hard!

This might have the best opening shot of all time, the prettiest pink, gratuitous undergarments. I like Scarlett Johansson just because she had the urge to butcher a bunch of Tom Waits tracks. She's the type of actress I like to imagine eating pickles, lots of them in a variety of sizes and forms. Spears, hamburger, those giant honkers you you have to retrieve from barrels with tongs. Bill Murray's the exact actor for his part. He can just stand around and look like he's in the center of a pretty dark funk. I like how their characters' relationship develops, naturally and without a single Hollywood moment. What really makes this movie interesting is that the real story is left out. You get a glimpse into the source of Charlotte's funk and loneliness (that jerk, Giovanni Ribisi) and you hear Bob describe his marriage or talk to his wife on the phone (Lost in Translation trivia--comedy legend Don Rickles does the voice of Murray's wife), but the story here doesn't focus on any real issues, just the distraction from those issues. It's a movie that requires a reading-between-the-lines, and personal connections would make this a different experience for everybody, I think. Things do lag a little in the middle when the characters are having more fun than I was having (or probably have ever had), but overall, this is a nice quiet little movie.