Age of Gold

1930 surrealist dickery

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Scorpions defend themselves, deteriorating bishops are located, Rome is founded, men fall in love and then leer lustfully at the toes of statues, a son is shot, and they must get the cow out of bed as soon as possible. And what's Jesus doing in there of all places?

I'm not really positive there was a midget in this. The violinist was awfully short. Awfully short! However, even if there's not a midget in this, it's got the right spirit. Midget spirit! Follow-up to An Andalusian Dog is a bit more linear (there's a love story sort of weaving itself in and out of the nonsense) and probably more provocative. Bunuel's obsessions are here--attacks on the bourgeoisie, religion, and government. Alternately funny and disturbing, Age of Gold still works today and I can't imagine how revolutionary it would have seemed at the end of the 1920's. There's enough here to offend the whole family!

Ray Harryhausen: The Early Years Collection

2005 anthology

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Early works of special effects maestro Ray Harryhausen, some of which was filmed in his garage or backyard. Contains Mother Goose stories, fairy tales, some military instructional films, a pair of commercials, and sketches and experiments for projects barely conceived.

Love this stuff. There's such a charm to stop-motion anyway, but with Harryhausen, there was such character and personality in the animation. Lots of "How's he doing that?" moments here, and lots of subtle touches (slight head movements, a little twitch of an ear, a hand on the hips) that leave no doubt about the genius of this guy. It's impossible not to watch this stuff and not see the amount of love that goes into these effects. Magical!

The Alligator People

1959 b-movie

Rating: 10/20

Plot: A scientist in the bayou uses alligator hormones to help heal injured men. Paul Webster, injured in a plane crash, is one of those men. While traveling by train with his wife Joyce on their honeymoon, he winds up disembarking to make a phone call and not returning. Joyce later searches for him, only to discover that he has turned into a mutant part-man/part alligator. A man with a hook instead of a hand wants to kill him. She screams a lot.

Typical b-movie sci-fi stuff in that you have to wade through all the story to get to the brilliance of the last ten or so minutes. But there's some entertaining stuff going on here--Lon Chaney Jr.'s crazy drunken Cajun is great, the special effects are ingenious, the alligator wrasslin' scenes are very exciting, and Beverey Garland is easy on the eyes. It seems like this was conceived, written, and shot in about a week and a half, but it's worth seeing. Aside from the climactic moment when the transformation is complete, I especially enjoyed hearing the alligator men talk and watching Lon Chaney Jr.'s character's sharpshooting skills.

The Mask of Satan

1960 Italian horror film

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A witch and her mustachioed buddy resurrect 200 years after their executions to get their revenge.

The Mask of Satan (aka Black Sunday, aka Mask of the Demon, aka House of Fright, aka The Demon's Mask, aka Revenge of the Vampire, aka The Hour When Dracula Comes, aka Get Them Spikes Away from My Face, Sucka) is a tiny bit better than It's a Wonderful Life. An interesting bit of trivia: A spiky devil mask was originally used in It's a Wonderful Life, but the censors didn't like it very much and the producers ended up cutting the scenes. This is Mario Bava's first film, and it's a debut with the same low-budget creativity seen in his latter Kill, Baby, Kill! Atmospheric, moody, creepily foreboding, macabre. The plot doesn't always move along swimmingly, but the feel of the movie makes up for it.

It's a Wonderful Life

1946 silly movie

Rating: 14/20 (Jen: 18/20)

Plot: The happiest-go-luckiest man on earth, George "People Shouldn't Have Had Me Run on Film Because I Can't Do It Naturally" Bailey was born, saved his brother's life, saved a pharmacist's job, saved his podunk town, got married, and had sexual intercourse at least four times. It's a wonderful life! None of that matters, however, because his staircase railing is broken and he isn't man enough to be able to fix it. Within minutes, he becomes drunken and suicidal. As he's about to end his life by jumping off a bridge into the icy waters below, his guardian angel Clarence jumps into the icy waters. So George jumps into the icy waters below to save his life. Clarence, working on earning his wings, needs to convince George that life is worth living and shows him what the lives of others would look like if George had never existed.

The following is a partial transcript from a meeting following a showing of It's a Wonderful Life, then called Untitled Frank Capra Communist Propaganda Film:

Film Producer #7: But why does he keep shouting at everybody?

Frank Capra: Because he's excited! He's got his life back.

FP7: No, I'm talking about the rest of the movie. He spends the entire movie shouting.

FC: He does?
Film Producer #3: He really does, Frank.

FC: Well, that's acting. That's how Jimmy Stewart acts.

FP7: Well, I don't like it at all. Something must be done.

FP3: Yeah, I'm not sure I like all the shouting either. Nobody's going to want to spend 17 hours watching the longest movie ever made with a protagonist who shouts at everybody for no reason.

FP7: What if we give him a reason?
FC: What do you mean, Film Producer Number Seven?

FP3: Yes! We could have George born with a condition of some kind where he shouts unnecessarily.

FP7: How about this? How about we write in a scene where he has some sort of childhood injury which causes him to lose his hearing in one of his ears?

FP3: Yeah! The right one!

FP7: No, the left one.

Film Producer #4: And then his "acting" (finger quotes--actually the first time finger quotes were ever used) would make a little more sense. The character won't know that he's shouting.

FP3: I think this might work. Back to the studio, Frank Capra!

Film Producer #2: Anybody else think the movie is too long?

FP7: (Scratches self)

FP2: I mean, do we really need to show George using the potty for the first time or trying meatloaf? We have the longest exposition in film history here. It takes so long to get to the real meat of the movie and audiences have fallen asleep during test screenings.

Film Producer #5: The real meatloaf of the movie!

FP7: Are you drunk again, Film Producer #5?

Quite possibly the most overrated movie ever made. Definitely seems like the longest although, admittedly, I'm not used to watching movies with commercial interruptions and that probably made it seem longer. It's a very average movie, a little too manipulative and old-timey to fully appreciate. I gave it an 11/20 the first time I watched it, so maybe by the forty-seventh time I see this, I'll develop a soul and think it's a classic like everybody else.

Reign over Me

2007 drama

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Alan Johnson, a New York City dentist, is sort of bored with life. That is until he runs into an old college roommate who wrecklessly drives around a little scooter while listening loudly to music on headphones. Charlie's lost his family (9-11, of course) and he's also lost his grip on reality, spending almost all of his time with his record collection, his drum set, and a video game. Johnson and Charlie strike up a friendship, straining the relationship between Johnson and his own wife while seeming to help Charlie's mental state a little bit.

Very tidy, messy movie. It's overlong and Hollywoody. I also don't think Adam Sandler is good here at all which really hurt this movie's chances of having any real emotional impact on me. I just didn't buy it. Most, if not all, of the ending can be seen from about a mile and a half away. It's all just too convenient. There are definitely things to like about the movie (I especially like how the music is handled), but there's far too much weighing it down. I also don't understand the title.

Recommended by R.D.

Where the Buffalo Roam

1980 comedy

Rating: 12/20

Plot: Loosely based on the relationship between Hunter S. Thompson and his lawyer Laszlo. Dr. Thompson covers drug trials, Superbowls, and presidential campaigns from '68 to '72 while Laszlo throws wrenches at him.

Murray and Boyle are pretty good, but the movie really isn't. There's too much of an emphasis on the madness part of it all and not enough on the genius part. It's impossible not to compare this to the superior Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas which is probably really unfair. This is scattered and flawed and manic just like that one, but it's not scattered and flawed and manic in the best of ways. The episodes feel too much like comedic sketches and there's not nearly enough at the center of all the madness to make this stick.

Seacrest out.

Be Kind Rewind

2008 comedy

Rating: 13/20

Plot: The existence of a VHS-only rental store is threatened by foreclosure and the problem that nobody watches things on VHS anymore. The proprietor, Elroy Fletcher, goes on a little trip to celebrate the life of Fats Waller and leaves Mike in charge. He warns Mike to not let his bungling pal Jerry in the store, but Jerry, magnetized in a freak accident, winds up destroying the store's merchandise. Oh, snap! The solution to the problem is simple. They simply make their own ultra-low-budget versions of the movies to rent out to their apparently easy-to-please clientele.

This should have been so much better. There are funny moments and one terrific montage scene that appeared to be a single long take. But there was much clunkiness in getting from Point A to the funny remakes (I guess, Point C), and the subplots really got in the way. Also, and this might be due to illness, I didn't really get what this film was trying to say. Somewhere along the line I missed the point. I was surprised to look this up and see that it was from this year. I figured this was a pre-Spotless Mind movie that I had somehow never heard of. It actually has the feel of an 80's movie which isn't necessarily a bad thing in this case. I did laugh a few times, but I coughed more and fell asleep once and had to be kind and rewind to see what I had missed. I gave this movie a bonus point just because I'm in a bad mood which might not make sense to you but makes perfect sense to me. I know nothing about how this movie did in theaters (the fact that I didn't know what it was probably isn't good), but it seems like the type of movie that could become a sort of cult classic following its release on VHS.

No Way to Treat a Lady

1968 comedy thriller

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A master-of-disguise named Gill develops a hobby involving costumes and strangulation. He's pleased that his exploits move from tiny blurbs buried in the newspapers to front page stuff and begins to get cocky, calling up the lead investigator in his case and making things personal. The lead investigator works on the case and his love life.

I usually like these cat-and-mouse detective movies. This one reminds me most of In the Line of Fire with Eastwood and Malcovich, especially with the telephone calls and the show-off acting in the villain roles. There was some clever writing. Steiger's all over the place, chewin' scenes and spittin' 'em out, but it's a lot of fun watching him. The love story part of this gets predictable, the story gets a bit too wacky, and the movie hasn't aged very well (although it does feel more like a 70's movie than a 1968 one), but it was definitely worth watching.

Note: When I first added the "gratuitous midget" label, I figured I'd have 10-20. It's ridiculous how many midgets I've seen in movies this year. I'm not even actively seeking these out.

Darkon

2006 narrative documentary

Rating: 13/20

Plot: Why bother growing up when you can dress up like a knight, paint your face, shout fantasy book cliches, and hit people with giant foam swords? Fantasy nerds meet bimonthly to do battle in public parks, attempting to take over hexagonal territories and get their names in gold on the wall of the Geek Hall of Fame.

Subjective peek at the world of LARPs (Live Action Role Players), both in the fantasy worlds they create for themselves and their real lives which aren't nearly as exciting. Watching the actual battle stuff is novel for about thirty-five seconds, but more interesting is the dichotomy between these people's (yeah, women are involved, too) actual and fantasy personas. The story of a schism within the most evil of the LARP clans (or whatever they're called) is a drawn out a little too much and get pretty dull. But watching this did make me feel bad about launching a frisbee into a group of these guys at a park a few months ago, so I guess it's at least somewhat successful.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated

2006 documentary

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Bunch of liberals make a documentary about the MPAA, their anonymous raters, and what seems to be a variety of double standards. Private investigators are hired to find out the identities of the raters, and eventually the director submits his own film to the ratings board to further uncover their secrets. The result? Much wanking and whining!

I'm not sure there's anything new here, but this was at least an entertaining look at the world of movie rating. I especially enjoyed an animated look at the ratings system and some of the side-by-side comparison of filmed thrusting. A bit one-sided (though not necessarily by fault of the director) and the private investigator stuff really seems ultimately pointless or, at the very least, too cutesy for its own good. War stories shared by directors are insightful enough, but without any suggestions on alternatives, I'm not sure this fully works. It's interesting and maybe even vital for fans of movie history though. And it's got John Waters in it which is always a plus.

Mr. Hulot's Holiday

1953 comedy

Rating: 18/20

Plot: The most awkward man who ever lived vacations at a beachside resort and ruins the lives of nearly everybody else.

Gotta love a movie that can meander so aimlessly and shuffle along so pointlessly for an hour an a half. Nothing about this is uproariously funny, but there is a lot that makes me smile. It's fragile slapstick, and although the title character is always at the center of things, there's enough going on with the fringe characters to make them interesting, too. I imagine this is a like-it-or-hate-it type flick, but even those who aren't put under the spell and instead are put to sleep would have to admit that it's got a uniqueness that makes it endearing. There are ingenious sight gags that stick with you, some which will make you wonder how they were pulled off, and new pleasures reveal themselves with subsequent viewings. This is my second favorite Tati movie.

Quick gripe: Why is the American version of this thirty minutes shorter? If it turns out I'm missing a Hulot sex scene, I will likely write an angry letter.

Word Wars

2004 Scrabble documentary

Rating: 13/20 (Jen: 10/20, but she fell asleep)

Plot: Why is it always four? This documentary chronicles the tiles and tribulations (That's on the box. I only wish I could take credit for such a brilliant play on words.) of four "professional" Scrabblers as they prepare for the National Championship in San Diego where they can win (wait for it) a whole 25,000 dollars. A guy with gastro-intestinal issues, a ghetto genius, the number one ranked dude, and a guy who may or may not have some gambling issues play the game and do very little else.

Really jumpy, distracting structure with this one. The documentary also looks really cheap (Jen thought it was made in the 80's), but it's entertaining enough in the same way that A League of Ordinary Gentlemen, Spell Bound, King of Kong, or Fast Cheap and Out of Control are entertaining and objective glimpses at eccentric or obsessive characters who will likely always remain square pegs in our circular society. Same way a documentary on chess players or poker players would work. I would have liked to see more on the players who hustled in the New York City park. The interesting dilemma with Scrabble is that it's seemingly impossible to train and compete when you have a real job but that you can't make enough money at it to make it your real job. Recommended for folks who like any of those aforementioned documentaries or Scrabble fans.

When I play, I don't use trays that hold the letters. That would more than likely hurt my chances in a Scrabble tournament. I also like to rub the tiles on my bare chest between turns.

Koko, a Talking Gorilla

1978 documentary

Rating: 14/20 (Dylan watched some of this, laughed uproariously, and refused to give it a rating.)

Plot: Koko! She can speak in sign language with a blonde chick! Koko! She's the crazy funky star of this monkey flick! Koko! She's got a boyfriend named Mikey and a red sweater! Koko! She's also got a yellow one but likes the red one better! Koko! She belongs to the zoo and they want her to come back! Koko! But those researchers think that is just wack! Koko! Two hundred fifty pounds of furry funky fun! Koko! If it wasn't for the fur, she could almost be human! Koko! Oooh, Koko. Oooh, Koko. Koko, oooh oooh oooh. Koko, a talking gorilla, you're driving us wild! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Koko!

Watching Koko with her trainer Betty reminded me of my classroom. Only it looks like Koko is a lot easier to teach. She also knows, unlike a few of my students, the proper place to urinate. I like that this presents all sides fairly and shows the interactions between Koko and her trainer (and Mike, who seems to be the only gorilla she ever has any interaction with) candidly. There's enough to be impressed by, of course, but at the same time, you get to see the bad times, too--some arguments between the two, times when Koko just ain't being a good girl. Entertaining stuff. Koko!

Death at a Funeral

2007 black comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: When the patriarch of an English family passes away, the family attempts to do the proper thing and have a dignified funeral. Unfortunately, things spiral hopelessly out of control. Unidentifiable midgets, wrong corpses, and ill-timed acid trips will do that to a funeral.

This might be the frontrunner in the "Best Use of a Midget" award for this year's shane-movies awards. That, of course, is the only end-of-the-year award that really even matters. Funny farce, but it could have been even better and much less predictable. There's an interesting mix of really cheap humor (poop jokes, midgets) and that kind of more-sophisticated, almost-stuffy humor. I chuckled, and that's about all I can ask for with a comedy. Word on the streets is that Chris Rock is remaking this.