Oprah Movie Club Pick for June: Johnny Suede

1991 movie

Rating: 16/20 (Mark: 18/20)

Plot: The titular wanna-be teenage idol is missing that little special something to complete him. Luckily for him, that something--a pair of black suede shoes--lands on top of a phone booth he is using. As he works to get his band going, he juggles a relationship with a woman who already has a creepy photographer boyfriend, another relationship with a teacher of special needs students, and chicken-eating time with albino rock star Freak Storm.

Here are some of director Tom DiCillo's memories of making Johnny Suede which I found interesting. One of the things I really like about this movie is that it's a classic example of a director doing a whole lot of cool things with not a lot of money. Link Wray's guitar during the opening credits automatically sets this great mood, the kind of music that--for me at least--gives the story this almost timeless quality, and then it almost clashes with this weird cheap post-apocalyptic world littered with Christmas decorations, one where people go to discotheques with underpants on their heads and lizards roam freely the landscape of a pompadoured young man's subconscious. Johnny's sort-of nightmare fairy tale world is like a slightly less-sinster, wackier, and more comedic David Lynch world. Not that David Lynch's movies aren't funny. Johnny Suede is just more overtly funny, I think.

I do think this movie is hilarious, and since you could get away with calling it a romantic comedy, I'd say it's one of the more satisfying and funniest examples of the genre. Nick Cave's offer of chicken is one of those scenes that makes me laugh a little bit while I'm typing about it. I also loved the scene where Darlette doesn't like Johnny's Ricky Nelson single and asks if he's got anything else. He says he does and flips the record over. She asks for Freak Storm (believe it or not, that's only the second coolest name in the movie), he gets irritated and criticizes the plant she gave him ("Why would I give you a dead plant?"), she leaves, he catches Flip Doubt (there's the coolest) peeking through a curtain, he runs after her, she's just waiting in the shadows downstairs anyway, he says he's going out, she asks him if she can wait until he gets back and then goes upstairs, he ponders the situation, and then Ricky Nelson starts playing again. That is a little bit of comedy genius, such a well-written little joke that also manages to add a little bit to the pair of characters. The long scene in which Deke and Johnny make a pros/cons list is also very funny. The "Sorry I rip you shit" picture that Yvonne's student made Johnny also cracks me up, but not as much as Pitt's reaction to first his reading and then Keener's explanation. And for whatever reason, I just love this dialogue:

Deke: "When we gonna get the band started?"
Johnny: "I just told you, man--as soon as we get a gun."

Oh, and there's this one:

Darlette: "With those shoes on, you remind me of a prince in a fairy tale."
Johnny: "Yeah, well with that pink dress, you remind me of a strawberry ice cream cone."

So romantic. But with a lesser cast, this wouldn't have worked. The dialogue, which is admittedly dopey or corny, would have come across as nothing but dopey or corny. But I love the way the actors play it straight with this almost soap-opera delivery of the lines. Along with the aforementioned cheapness of the location, it gives the film this style that I really like--like a withered soap opera. I had seen Brad Pitt in a couple films before this one, and I was not impressed at all. When I saw this for the first time, I didn't get it and thought he was pretty awful here, too. But upon a second viewing, you don't need to look further than that opening scene where he's giving himself this look in the mirror to realize how good he is at creating this character, and he's about perfect as this naive man-child thing. He's got the look (and the hair apparently) to create this confident outer shell, this facade, but on the inside, he is fragile and gooey and really immature. He unfortunately reminds me of Hayden Christensen on Naboo during the "Suede is a funny thing" speech though, and I probably could have survived with less shots of Pitt in those ill-fitting and holey underpants. Alison Moir (Darlette) nails that soap opera actress thing, and she's cute as a button. And that accent? Oh, my--it'll melt you! If you look closely and are as perverse as I am, by the way, you can catch a brief nipple. Watching the scene where she comes to Johnny's pad for a date, gives him socks, and then announces that she has to go makes me think she should have had a great career playing characters in romantic comedies. And Catherine Keener? Any close readers of my blog (not sure I have any of those) know that I have a thing for Keener anyway. She's just so good here, something a little more real and human than the others. There's hurt there, a little confidence, a lot of fear, and this upperhand in this fledgling relationship with this new guy, and you can see it all in those wonderful eyes of hers. I love the look she gives Johnny after she and he share a "real kiss," and she's incredible in that "watermelon seed" scene. I'm not sure what's going on with her hair in this though. Calvin Levels is another who should have had a much bigger career after this. Hell, he could have been a Huxtable! He's good as Deke and has a great smile. Deke, by the way, was almost Steve Buscemi, but there's no way Buscemi would have been able to pull off that sweet spin move during the bands rehearsal in that freezing abandoned warehouse or wherever it was. And you've got Nick Cave who only needs to succeed at being a presence in this movie, stand out and draw attention to himself. He does that really well, and that whole scene with Johnny and Freak Storm in the alley is a lot of fun. You get Samuel L. Jackson in a very tiny but very cool role as Bebop, a badass with a standup bass. Love this dialogue:

Bebop: " I seen a cat cut half in two once."
Conan the accordionist (played by a potential Torgo Award winning Tom Jarmusch, brother of Jim): "You saw it happen?"
Bebop: "No, but I seen 'em put in two bags though."

And then the band plays, and they sound like they could have gone places if Bebop wouldn't have run off or if Deke or Johnny had more talent or if Conan the accordionist would have had a more prominent role. The original songs in this are a lot of fun, by the way. The song about eating a carrot for breakfast should have been a hit. "Never Girl" is great both before and after Deke "gasses up the tempo," and Freak Storm's "Mama's Boy" song is sad and beautiful. Oh, and the landlord's improvised "Hey, Hey, Today's the Day" is pretty wonderful, too.

There are a lot of little things that I like about Johnny Suede that really make it one of those movies that make it easy to overlook its flaws--you know, like the completely unnecessary narrator--and keep it on my list of movies that I'd call a sentimental favorite. There's the Terror in Tiny Town reference and Pitt's "Even the horses are midgets!" There's Peter McRobbie's pasty, lurking Flip Doubt who really does like he wandered off the set of Lost Highway or Blue Velvet. There's a great tiny performance by a guy named Ahmed Ben Larby as an angry taxi driver. I looked up his filmography. He's got only seven roles, but one of them (in The Cowboy Way with Woody Harrelson and Keifer Sutherland) is playing another taxi driver. And there's one of my favorite movie midgets (again, that's only for the alliteration, so calm down, little people) ever with Joseph Barry using an antenna to look at Catherine Keener's undergarments. I can identify, little fellow. Johnny Suede is the only feature-length film he's acted in, but he was Haley Joel Osment's stand-in for The Sixth Sense and he did stunts in The Royal Tenenbaums. And those three surreal dream sequences with lizards, exploding windows, a shot of a lizard and a gun that looks like it could have been a still from Herzog's Bad Lieutenant, a naked old guy? Far out.

But what's this movie about? Identity? Is it a coming-of-age story? There's a lot about time in this movie, and Johnny is almost an anachronism. "I'm not into now," he says. "Now is a fly's fart in the wind." Later, he claims that "Good music has no time." What's time do to characters like Johnny? There's also a lot of symbolism or possible symbolism in this movie, and I just don't get it all despite having seen this several times, twice in the last month. What do you think about the following?

--shoes--the "one thing missing"--shoes thrown and shoes lost?
--Johnny's guitar--what's that represent for the protagonist?
--the hairdryer that doesn't work
--the gun
--painting, the job that Deke and Johnny do really really well
--that hand he finds in the street and its twin on the "Be a bank teller" sign in the subway
--the plant that might have been dead when Darlette gave it to him
--the girlfriends themselves--what do Darlette and Yvonne represent for Johnny?
--signs--an exit sign and a "dead end" street sign in the background
--Johnny's puking after singing the song Freak Storm gave him (or was that just the chicken)

So, friends--what did you think of our Oprah Movie Club pick for this month?

I Am a Fugitive from the Chain Gang

1932 prison movie classic

Rating: 17/20

Plot: It's hard times for James Allen, World War I hero. He returns home and then leaves home to find his fortunes, instead getting arrested for helping rob a hamburger joint. Prison, as well as the titular chain gang, aren't nearly as much fun as James had heard it was, and after a while, he plans his escape. Then he does escape, eventually becoming a highly successful engineer in Chicago. However, thanks to a nasty woman, he finds that he can't exactly escape his past.

Paul Muni's name sure is big on the poster up there. It's bigger than the silly title of the movie! That's appropriate actually because his performance really is that good. Atypical for early-30's drama, his is the type of gritty and realistic performance that you'd expect from a more modern actor, like a John Ritter or the kid who played Steve Urkel. The story might get a little tired as James' life gets better, bogging down the movie somewhat, but the first half of the movie has a true grit and the social commentary, although maybe not exactly timely, still delivers. It's a tough movie, the type of movie that would have no problem beating up Gone with the Wind to teach it who's boss. I'm not sure if the ending should be famous for being shocking or for completely dropping off at the end, almost like the screenwriter had a deadline to meet. I liked it well enough though. I was really impressed with the camera work, the movements throughout the prison or around the chain gang. That's also atypical for a 1932 movie. Add this to the list of movies that have full sentences for titles.

A Night at the Opera

1935 musical comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Poncho, Lefty, Karl, Stinky, Shifty, Bimbo, Gordo, and Jacko Marx destroy a night at the opera.

When ranking the Marx Brothers movies I've seen, it would be Duck Soup at the top followed by everything else. A Night at the Opera is consistently cited as one of the best if not their very best, and I can understand why. The story is easily the most cohesive, the pacing is much better, and their are some classic bits. I don't think those classic bits are as uproariously hilarious as some of their others, and this one does suffer from that 1930's need for comedies to have endless and bland musical numbers. And while I do always enjoy watching the obligatory Harpo and Chico musical numbers, this one isn't their best. Still, I'm just nitpicking. This is not only a great 1930's comedy, it's (as the poster says) the funniest picture ever made.

Man on the Moon

1999 biopic

Rating: 15/20

Plot: The pointless career of criminally untalented but intriguing public annoyance Andy Kaufman.

This is very similar (same strengths, same flaws) to The People Vs. Larry Flynt, probably because they're both directed by Milos Forman. I like this movie despite not being all that impressed with Kaufman as a "comedian" or really as a human being. Ok, the second part of that might be a lie. Jim Carrey perfectly embodies Kaufman with the mannerisms, the voices, and the facial features, but after a while, it just seems like you're watching a two-hour impersonation instead of a fully realized movie. This movie actually seems to hit a wall at about the halfway mark, right around the time when Andy starts wrestling. From that point until another point, things drag, I think weakening a lot of the impact that the movie's ending could have. I'm not sure why there was so much of a focus on the wrestling when a lot of the other stuff seemed pretty quickly skimmed over. Aside from Carrey, the other performances (DeVito, Giammati) are really good, and it's fun to see reconstructions of a few of the "highlights" of Kaufman's career.

Fear of a Black Hat

1994 hip hop mockumentary

Rating: 11/20

Plot: A year in the life of rap trio NWH (Niggaz With Hats). When the niggas discover newfound success, conflicts between the niggaz fester.

Ah, what this could have or should have been. It lifts the style, the plot arc, and even some jokes straight from This Is Spinal Tap, stealing them as freely as rap groups have sampled from James Brown. It's nowhere near as funny or as natural, however. It starts with a really cheap joke about gratuitous language. From there, there are some hits and lots of misses. The main problem is that it has a very staged/scripted feel instead of having a foundation of improvisation. There are also too many cameras in some scenes, and they make a huge mistake by adding cartoonish sound effects during a scene involving guns. It does nothing but take away whatever documentary realism it might have. I do like the female rap quartet known as Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme though, and the roomful of Ices made me laugh. But most of the jokes are just too obvious. So is the satire. Misogyny, violence, superficial politics in rap lyrics, rapper feuds, and the idea that all black people steal things are targets that are much too easy to hit, and they aren't hit in necessarily clever ways here. The songs are reasonably well done although they all sound pretty much the same. I wish this one was better because the potential was definitely there.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

2009 comedy

Rating: 8/20

Plot: Die unpassende mallspindel muss das mall von den mittleren dieben allein verteidigen und gewinnen sie das herz eines reizenden mitarbeiters. Ha ha! Er ist sehr fett und reitet ein Segway. Ha ha!

Ableitung und nicht lustiges. Ich rollte meine augen vier weitere mal, als ich mich lachte nullzeiten lachte. Kevin James ist nicht schrecklich, aber er ist wie ein armes mannes Jack Black. Wies Jack Black diese rolle zuruck? Reinfalle Kevin James herum viel! Ha ha! Er ist liebenswert, abert ich bin nicht ich mag ihn sicher. Ich wurde in das aufpassen dieses an der schule betrogen. Ja, erhielt ich zahlend diesen film aufzupassen. Ha ha!

Shrek

2001 animated feature

Rating: 12/20 (Emma: 15/20; Abbey 10/20)

Plot: Once upon a time, an ogre fighting gastrointestinal disorder finds friendship and true love. And they all lived happily ever after.

There's a fart joke one minute into this movie. Then, thirty seconds later, there's another fart joke. If the first two aren't enough, there's luckily a few more right around the corner. Whenever I think of Shrek, I think of fart jokes. I used to think of crap, but that's unfair. The movie isn't crap, but, despite a intriguing premise and a few good ideas, it really isn't much more clever than an 80 minute series of fart jokes. Oh, and pop songs. Fart joke, montage with a very loud pop song, fark joke, montage with a very loud pop song, fart joke. And so on. I don't really like the animation in Shrek. There's a plastic sort of ugliness that recalls the really cheap Barbie computer-animated things that those producers seemingly are able to crap out weekly that my daughter likes. Shrek has about four different facial expressions. I do like some of the settings that are created, but I think computer-animated settings were done much better in Ice Age. A lot of people like the characters in Shrek, but I don't think they're all that well rounded, definitely more types than actual flesh 'n' blood characters. I do think some of the voice talent is really good, especially Eddie Murphy. I realize that's part of the type since it's parodying fairy tales and the stock characters of fairy tales, but it still hurts the overall story and makes it feel a bit cold. There's a novelty in the first fifteen or so minutes, but the fairy tale allusions and pop culture references eventually wear thin. I really don't care much for the humor in Shrek either. I believe I laughed once while watching this the first time (the first scene with the Gingerbread Man), and I like the scene with Robin Hood until it begins parodying kung-fu movies and then just gets stupid. You also get some all-too-typical adult humor "hidden" throughout, but it's neither funny or appropriate. One of my gripes with Dreamworks animated movies is that they use that sort of humor (and maybe the loud pop music) to make these things enjoyable with adults. Pixar does it with heart, but heart is too difficult to pull off, I guess.

Phantasm

1979 low-budget horror movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: An evil undertaker transforms corpses into dwarfish slaves. Brothers Mike and Jody, along with a friendly ice cream truck driver, try to unravel the mysteries surrounding the mortuary and its very tall mortician.

I wasn't aware that that many people had sex in graveyards. I like movies that can teach you stuff. I expected to laugh my way through this and then write a review similar to Troll 2's. Even though I did laugh quite a bit at some really silly dialogue and no-budget effects and it does have an ending a lot like Troll 2's, there was a style and coolness to this that I couldn't ignore. Honestly, there were times when I thought this could have been the work of Kubrick. Thing is, writer/director Don Coscarelli does a whole lot with the nothing he's got to make this movie. There are some genuinely horrifying moments, admittedly more than a few of those figures-popping-onto-the-screen shockers that became so cliched but also a lot of moments that are scary because ominous and unsettling atmospheres are created. Nightmarish imagery and some creepy, though pretty amateurish music, set quite a tone here. And the lurching, omnipresent Tall Man played by Angus Scrimm (What a name!) is just as intimidating as any Jason or Freddy. Growling robed little people, twitching disembodied fingers, flying metallic spike balls, ice cream trucks, uncontrollable urination, illogical explosions. There's so much to love here! Now I've got to see about getting my hands on a copy of Phantasms II-XVII!

Note: This blog no longer uses the words midget, midget-esque, midgety, midgetacular, midgetry, extreme midget action, midget-cinema, midgetabulous, midgetploitation, or especially midget funk as the m-word apparently offends. I will still seek out movies with midgets and be entertained by midget funk but will, from this point on, use the words little people. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Dumb and Dumber

1994 comedy

Rating: 9/20

Plot: Harry and Lloyd (Harold Lloyd?) are two idiots who dream of opening up their own pet store. Unfortunately, they can't keep jobs and are having trouble saving up the money. One day, Lloyd drops off a beautiful woman at the airport. When he sees that she forgets her briefcase, he retrieves it. The friends make plans to drive a dog van to Aspen to find the woman and give her back her briefcase. Hot on their (in this case literal) tail are a couple criminals who also want the briefcase. When they get to Aspen, a love triangle develops.

Anne McInslop is the person with whom I have been friends the longest. She likes W.C. Fields and the Marx Brothers, and when she was shocked that I had never seen her favorite movie, Dumb and Dumber, I figured it was probably worth checking out. As a result, our friendship is now over. Jim Carrey is very Jim Carrey in this role. He's good at this sort of thing even if I don't think this sort of thing is anything worth being good at. He's made a ton of money doing exactly that sort of thing, so I doubt anything he might read here will hurt his feelings. The comedy is just loudly juvenile and too obvious. Jeff Daniels completely transforms himself here and does a good enough job, but I can tell during a few scenes in this movie that he's regretting the decision to do take this part. You can see it in his eyes. I see those eyes every day when I look in a mirror at school, so I know exactly what regretful eyes look like. I had two good laughs--one during their protagonists' rendition of "Mama's Gonna Buy You a Mockingbird" and another after a line about John Denver. But there were far more moments that gave me good groans. I'm not attempting to think of this in the context of the mid-90's. Maybe diarrhea was original and funny fifteen years ago. To make matters worse, this movie also has a real pet peeve of mine--Harland Williams. I don't know what it is about him (it might be the sideburns), but whenever I see him, I want to punch the screen. A good friend, it seems, would know that. You hear that, Anne McInslop? A good friend would know that!

For Heaven's Sake

1926 comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Uptown rich kid Harold falls in love with downtown preacher's daughter Hope. When he accidentally becomes a philanthroper, he wins her affection; however, his rich peers aren't happy to hear he's marrying the girl.

Some great stunts, not all of them provided by Lloyd himself, and some hilarious visual gags make this quick little comedy another winner from Harold Lloyd. This has a fun cast of quirky characters, all of them more interesting than the romance at the heart of the story. I loved the little reverse chase scene (for lack of a better description) in which Lloyd's character angers the town's riffraff so that they'll chase him into a church service, and like in Speedy, there's some very exciting and well-choreographed vehicular mayhem at the end. And just like in Speedy, I'm amazed at the special effects, the pacing, and just the ambition of the grand race-against-the-clock scenes. It really looks as if people could have been killed. There's also a funny fight scene, a great scene where he has to round up drunkards, and some other funny bits involving Harold's absentmindedness/aloofness. Lots to like in this one.

The Wrestler

2008 best picture nominee

Rating: 16/20 (Mark: 18/20; Amy: 15/20)

Plot: Randy the Ram's career wrastlin' peak was twenty years ago when he heroically won an epic bout against the Ayatollah. Now, he struggles to make ends meet, sometimes paying rent on his trailer-park property and supporting his drug and lapdance habits by winning B-league local wrestling matches and working part time at a supermarket. A heart attack and multiple staple injuries force him to reflect on his life, his career, and where he's at in both of them.

This excels when it stays gritty and harsh. Mickey Rourke and Marissa Tomei (as the wrestler and the stripper respectively although vice versa might have been interesting) give realistic, gutty performances, and the handheld cinematography, something that occasionally bugs the heck out of me, works really well to bring you right into the action during the wrestling scenes, into the physical pain during the post-match locker room sequences, and into the emotional struggles of the characters. This is Aronofsky's best film (I think. I don't remember Pi too well.), but he has a way of stepping on the narratives a little bit. That happens here with a spelled-out-for-the-non-thinking-crowd Hollywoody scene preceding Randy's debut as deli counter guy, some artsy sound effects, and some unnecessary incidental music. This has interesting things to say about identity and survival, and the ending is about perfect. It works really well as a dark, depressing study of an extremely flawed individual and packs a real emotional punch, not like those fake wrestling punches even though some of the direction might make it feel like that. Confession: I don't really know if Marissa Tomei's acting was any good in this, and I really doubt any other heterosexual male will be able to tell either.

This broke the tradition of seeing only comic book movies at my brother's house.

Final Justice

1985 action-packed crime drama

Rating: 4/20

Plot: Geronimo is a Texas lawman who runs into a pair of brothers involved with the Italian mafia. After they shoot down his partner, he chases them over the border into Mexico, shoots one, and arrests the other. Then, while escorting the brother back to Italy, he loses him in Malta and breaks all kinds of rules to capture him again.

This embarrassing Dirty Harry clone is, according to user ratings on imdb.com, the 19th worst movie ever made. It's probably not that bad. Joe Don Baker plays the cool, anti-heroic Geronimo, completing his Clint impression with some squinting and his own repeated "Do you feel lucky?" catchphrase--"You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It's your move." I was surprised to find out that this movie was only a pointlessly repetitious hour an a half because it seemed to be at least a pointlessly repetitious three hours. Geronimo is a very unlikable hero, and Joe Don Baker has absolutely no charisma. Not much to latch onto there. The villains aren't even interesting. By the middle of this movie, you really don't care who wins the struggle although you probably secretly wish they will all somehow die to prevent a sequel from being made. Really awful, but there are some moments that are dumb enough to make you laugh.

The Palm Beach Story

1942 romantic comedy

Rating: 16/20 (Jen: 14/20)

Plot: Life after Tom and Gerry's marriage has not quite been happily ever after. They're struggling financially and about to lose their apartment. Luckily, a hard-of-hearing Wienie King, gives Gerry seven hundred bucks. When Tom comes home, he doesn't quite buy the story of the Wienie King, and it leads to an argument. Gerry decides to go to Palm Beach to get a divorce. Her husband races to stop her.

Possibly the most befuddling opening credits of all time. It's just a little more befuddling than the end of the movie. This has some great eccentric characters, my favorite being the Frenchman Toto, and lots of Sturgian oddball moments, moments that would never ever happen in real life but are definitely hilarious on the screen. Snappy dialogue and a ludicrous story make this a fast-paced, fun romantic comedy. Mary Astor pops in near the end of the movie as a bazillionaire's sister and nearly steals the show. The other performances are very good, too, though McCrea, playing a straight man of a husband, is hard to notice. There's an almost stream-of-conscious style to Sturges comedies, like trains dangerously close to falling off the tracks, that makes them deliriously entertaining. They're definitely addictive. And how can you not love a movie with a Wienie King in it?

Speedy

1928 silent comedy

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Ingeniously quick-thinking but sometimes ditzy Speedy has trouble holding down a job as his obsession with baseball frequently gets into the way of his duties. He still makes enough to take his gal to Coney Island. Meanwhile, a railroad company is trying to get rid of his girlfriend's father's horse-drawn trolley business, and Speedy is called upon to save the day.

Ok, I'm ready to admit that Harold Lloyd deserves to be mentioned in the same sentences as Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. This is every bit as good (and honestly, probably better) than Safety Last!,and with the handful of other Harold Lloyd silent comedies I've seen this year, it's clear that he produced a body of work that is as consistently good as the other two. Speedy is fast-paced and a lot of fun even though it's a little choppy. It's really like two or three separate films. The first half spends a lot of time developing the characters and their relationships and has some very humorous, but subtle, sight gags and quiet comedy. The second half of the film deals with the conflict and is raucous and action-packed. There are street brawls and a chase scene that is absolutely amazing and as exciting as any chase scene I've seen in any more modern movie. Just the sheer amount of extras used for the second half of the film amazes me as tons of guys (one with a peg leg) engage in fisticuffs and hundreds of folks are forced to dodge an out-of-control trolley. The lengthy climactic chase scene is so thrilling and brilliantly photographed that I had to watch it twice. It was also neat to see 1920s New York with what seems to be miles and miles of streets and shots of Coney Island and its weird attractions. There's also a Babe Ruth cameo. This was Harold Lloyd's last silent movie, and the only 1920s movie I can remember where a character flips the bird.

Mister Lonely

2007 Harmony Korine film

Rating: 13/20

Plot: A lonely Michael Jackson impersonator living in France meets a Marilyn Monroe impersonator who lives on an island with a bunch of other celebrity impersonators. Her husband is Charlie Chaplin and daughter is Shirley Temple. Also occupying the island are the Three Stooges, Sammy Davis Jr. Abraham Lincoln, James Dean, a Pope, Madonna, Queen Elizabeth, Buckwheat, and Little Red Riding Hood. Michael Jackson decides to live with them, and they work together to put on a fantastic stage show. Meanwhile, a priest in South America teaches his nuns to fly.

Well, it's Harmony Korine's best movie yet. His work is still just a little unhinged, a little uneven, a little too silly. There are large chunks of this movie and single shots that are really brilliant. It's sprinkled with great, unforgettable imagery that is either bizarrely poignant or poignantly bizarre. Korine's either got a good eye or is developing one (I can't remember Julien Donkey-Boy that well and have intentionally forgotten the dismally awful Gummo), and there are a lot of Herzogian moments in Mister Lonely. Werner himself plays the priest (he was also in Donkey-Boy, Korine and he apparently have a mutual respect for each other). There's something about watching Buckwheat giving the Pope a bath or the Three Stooges shooting sheep that is endlessly entertaining. And most of the scenes with the nuns are really beautiful. But just like Gummo, this sort of has that weird for the sake of weird thing that makes it seem more masturbatory than artistic. If I could figure out what it all adds up to, I think I'd like it a lot more, but I'm not really convinced it even adds up to anything at all. Lots to like--the raw originality, the odd beauty, some great music--but it's just not enough. Channel it, Harmony!

Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

1953 comedy

Rating: 7/20

Plot: Oddly, they don't go to Mars. The bumbling duo accidentally steal a rocket and go to New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Then, after being hijacked by escaped convicts, they end up on a Venus inhabited by a bunch of feminists, but there's no Mars at all.

Nowhere near as funny as Troll 2. Actually, I laughed a single time, but that was only because the Lou Costello dummy they used to flop around in the rocket during take-off was much skinnier than the real Lou Costello. Stale stuff, and I can't actually imagine this not being dated comedy even in 1953. I might check out Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein which I think is supposed to be a much better movie, but I'm not really excited about it. How can you have a movie set partially in Mardi Gras and not feature exposed breasts? I was on the edge of my seat waiting for Lou to take off his shirt.

Lou Costello is the portlier of the two, right?

Repo Man

1984 cult classic

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Punk kid Otto stumbles into a job as a repo man. Seasoned repo veteran Bud shows him the ropes. The job's a dangerously intense one, and Bud and Otto run into antagonists the Rodriquez Brothers and somehow get mixed up in conspiracies involving aliens and radiation.

Harry Dean Stanton is the best thing about this flick. Well, the soundtrack is pretty cool, too. The whole thing seems pretty aimless, and it's considerably dated. You could show the final scene and its dazzling special effects to somebody who hasn't seen this movie, and they'd say, "1984, right?" I couldn't stop thinking of the giant plastic ketchup tubes that would be on our lunch tables when I was in elementary school and how we'd squeeze the condiments directly into our mouths because that's how things were done in the early 80s. Ronald Reagan would watch us and laugh and laugh while stroking his missile. That's exactly what this movie reminded me of. There are a few interesting moments and some characters who would have been great if they would have been developed further, but this just doesn't add up to much at all.

The Killers

1946 noir

Rating: 17/20

Plot: A pair of fairly rude hit men arrive in a sleepy town to take out the Swede, a gas station worker. An insurance investigator named Reardon interviews faces from the Swede's past and gradually unravels the mystery.

The opening scene of The Killers, in which the menacing hit man look for the Swede in a cafe, is so entertaining. The hit men are interesting fellows, and come across as those types of smart-ass hired killers you can only find in a movie like this. This is based on a Hemingway short story, and I wonder how much of his dialogue was used. It's a well-written script, and the way the story unfolds through flashbacks of various characters keeps the mystery alive until the very end as the deceased gets into deeper trouble the deeper you get into his back story. Burt Lancaster's first role, and I'm not sure it's all that memorable. It's more the story and the way it's told with The Killers. In fact, the narrative's structure is maybe why I think this seems a little more modern to me than a lot of its 1940's cousins. I'm also impressed with the cinematography. It's got all those noirish shadows and two long unbroken shots early in the movie that are really amazing.

Hello Again Everybody: The Harry Caray

2006 television documentary

Rating: 12/20

Plot: The life of broadcasting legend Harry Caray. This runs through his childhood; his years with the Cardinals, the A's, the White Sox, and the Cubbies; his love for drinking, dining, and socializing; his impact on the cities he worked in; and his death.

It's probably impossible to be a baseball fan and not appreciate Harry Caray. I always claimed to hate him because he was the Cubs guy, but he's a lot of the reason I watched nearly every Cubs game that was on. He's also probably a lot of the reason why I'm a baseball fan. This documentary was good at bringing back some memories and making me laugh. Longtime partner Steve Stone on Harry's pronunciation of Mark Grudzielanek's name was really funny. Paraphrase: "Harry never got his name right and finally said, 'Well, they all call him G-Man in the clubhouse, so I'll call him that.' There wasn't a single player who called him G-Man." I also loved seeing footage of Harry's traditional "It's way back. . ." home run call when the ball was actually rolling between two outfielders. Unfortunately, the documentary's kind of a mess. There's a loose structure, but it feels like a first draft. There's also a ton of interview snippets (Bob Costas, Stone, Ron Santo, Ryne Sandburg, Pat Hughes [who also narrates]) in which Harry Caray anecdotes are shared, but I would have loved to see more of Caray broadcasting and less footage of his funeral and none of his grandson interviewing fans on the street. This is a really cheaply-made PBS documentary.

Zatoichi's Vengeance

1966 Zatoichi movie, the 13th in the series

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A dying gambling cheat hands Zatoichi a bag of money and tells him to take it to his son. The title masseuse has no clue where to find the gambler's family but stumbles upon them in a town overridden with gangsters. He becomes a Shane-esque hero for the boy while at the same time questioning the decisions of his violent past after conversations with a wise wandering blind priest/musician.

Interesting entry in the series as Zatoichi struggles with his conscience and guilt and loneliness and fills out a bit as a character. Fortunately, it doesn't stop him from hacking up the bad guys by the end of the film, and that's exactly what the last 15-20 minutes are. There isn't necessarily anything new in the action sequences, nothing that you don't see in any of the other Zatoichi movies, but there sure seems to be a lot more of it in this one. Huge body count although, unlike the Lone Wolf and Cub series, there's almost no blood. This is beautifully shot with a sword fight between silhouettes on a bridge at dusk maybe being the highlight. The story is a little convoluted (a lot of these are), but this one comes together very nicely at the end as Zatoichi tidies up financially. And I'd like to mention again how good of an acting job Shintaro Katsu does bringing this character to life. The fact that I'm not tired of these movies probably has a lot to do with him.

I wonder if I should have watched these Zatoichi movies in order.