Pain & Gain

2013 dumbness

Rating: 8/20

Plot: A trio of bodybuilders try to pull off a kidnapping scheme in order to get rich quickly. It's based on a true story.

This is the worst movie I've seen all year with a gratuitous shot of Mark Wahlberg in his tighty whities.

This movie seems divisive, likely because of people's feelings about the use of the ampersand in titles, but I was tricked into watching it by one film critic whom I usually trust. It started out promising with references to the American dream, convincing me that there might be a satirical edge. It was heavy-handed, sure, but there was at least something there with the references to "scrawny countries" compared to our "most buff country on the planet," the idea of wanting to improve yourself being the best way to be a good American or how it's un-American to not take advantage of your gifts, mantras about the reach exceeding the grasp, and the country being the land of the brave and the home of second chances.

I also enjoyed a lot of the cast. Tony Shalhoub is the best of the main characters here although Ed Harris isn't bad as a detective. I always enjoy seeing Larry Hankin, and he's in this briefly as this creepy preacher. And hey, there's the great Peter Stormare playing a doctor and talking about "beautiful, robust erections." Unfortunately, Marky Mark is just kind of playing a slightly dumber character than the characters he usually plays while Dwayne Johnson. . .well, I'm not entirely sure what The Rock's got going on here.

It's all just so dumb. This is like black comedy for the frat boy crowd, a movie that Michael Bays all over the place until it's the cinematic equivalent of a douche. Not a real douche, of course, but the disparaging name some dumb guys might call other dumb guys. The satire is there, but it's so hamfisted. The dialogue is intentionally bad. I get that. But I'm not sure if the horrible editing with an average shot length of 2 1/2 seconds or the overall ugly look is part of the gag or not. You feel like a good movie--something along the lines of last year's American Animals--might have been possible here if Michael Bay hadn't have gotten his greasy mitts all over it.

Great effort seems to be made to make the three kidnappers/murderers/hand-grillers into sympathetic characters throwing in impotence gags, The Rock's lovable grin, and Marky Mark's underpants. That didn't sit well with me either.