George Washington


2000 drama

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A superhero origin story.

George is a superhero, and this is his origin story. His kyrptonite apparently is a skull that isn't fully fused, poverty, and one nightmarish memory.

For whatever reason, the adventures the children in this movie share reminded me of Stand By Me. Both use a body differently, and the children in this don't go anywhere.

This was David Gordon Green's debut, and there's little here that would make me think he'd be a good choice to make the 116th sequel to Halloween. This has an independent, or maybe more accurately a student-film, vibe, the kind of project where it feels like a director is trying to find footing or a voice. With the former, it's not always clean or even coherent, and it does feel very much like a first feature-length film. Green does, however, show off an original voice and this ability to blend all sorts of moods--nostalgia for times the audience might have never experienced, comedy, pathos, tension, pain, even a little magical realism. There's an oddball assortment of characters, and they exist in this exquisite squalor.

You do have to put up with some really terrible acting and some annoying voice-over, but Green's good eye, the poetically trashy landscapes, and the fun eccentric characters make up for it.


Thunder Road


2018 dramedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A cop deals with divorce and the loss of his mother. Poorly.

I've never really listened to Bruce Springsteen much. I'm not sure why. My pal Larry loves him and says it's a Jersey thing, but Springsteen seems popular all over the place. Springsteen was one of the many "new Dylans," so it should probably be something that appeals to me. Probably hearing "Born in the U.S.A." before anything else and not being old enough to understand what it was actually about didn't help. So I didn't really know the song "Thunder Road" at all. It's described rather than played in this movie, so I was forced to hear it and take a peek at the lyrics after watching the movie.

If you read that, I apologize. I'm realizing now that it's not anything that anybody would care to read. I could easily delete it, but that's not really my style. It took me over a half an hour to type out that paragraph, so deleting it would seem wasteful.

Thunder Road is writer/director/star Jim Cummings' treatise on the idea that "everybody grieves differently." It's essentially a character study of an individual who probably couldn't exist although if you scour YouTube enough, you might find out that there are actually people like Officer Jim Arnaud out there, willing to take advantage of the ease of 21st Century technology to broadcast their own nervous breakdowns to the world. This kind of comedy--the kind that builds its laughs on completely awkward situations where the audience is definitely laughing at somebody more than they're laughing with him--is a delicate balancing act. Essentially, a one-man-show of a movie, Thunder Road works because it develops its central character enough for the audience to develop empathy. You laugh at Officer Jim, but you kind of feel bad about laughing at Officer Jim. By the end, you genuinely care for the guy, despite his disturbing anger issues and other flaws, and only want what's best for the guy.

Cummings' acting isn't conventionally good, but it's the kind of thing that either not a lot of performers can do or not a lot of performers would want to do. Cummings is naked and cartoonish, and although there are plenty of ridiculous moments in the creation of this character, it's never overly ridiculous. Since it's a one-man-show of a movie, Cummings hoists the entire project on this character's shoulders. The story isn't from his perspective even though he's at the center of every single scene. Instead, we kind of get the perspective of everybody else who happens to be in Jim's circle. It's an intimate look at a man's life and times and struggles.

There are a few extended shots where Cummings shows off his comedic timing. The most notable is the opening sequence involving a sort-of eulogy at the very beginning of the movie, one that involves a little bit of dancing, a Hello Kitty boombox that doesn't work, a random name-checking of John Wayne, and lots of awkward crying. It might be my favorite introduction to a character of all time. You meet a guy who shouldn't be doing what he's doing, and his decision to do what he's doing anyway kind of tells you everything you need to know about him.

I had this on hold from my library for a long time, and then it popped up on Amazon. Perfect timing. That's the kind of thing that makes me want to hurl a desk across a room.

Alex van Warmerdam Fest: Little Tony


1998 comedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A woman hires a tutor to help her dimwitted farmer husband learn how to read.

I resisted watching this movie because of its poster.

Yet another strangely-architectured house in this one--there's a running maybe-gag with these doors, and I'd really like to see a blueprint to see how some of these rooms work. I'd also like to know where there's a little window in the bathroom door.

This movie's subtly funny, that same kind of gnarled humor I've come to expect from Alex van Warmerdam. It moves with quiet absurdity, and there are enough shots of a goats to satisfy me--a cinephile who enjoys shots of goats. There's also a gnome.

I don't want to get into this anymore.

Shoplifters


2018 drama

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A make-shift family gets by on an old lady's pension and shoplifting until a new addition threatens to mess everything up.

First, you should know that this is not a film based on the Smiths' song, "Shoplifters of the World."

I really need to watch this again to put some of its pieces together. I had a good grasp on what most of the characters wanted here, but there were a couple I just couldn't figure out. I loved the character development here. These characters and their relationships unfold and evolve so naturally, and for me at least, it was very easy to become emotionally invested in them.

Lots of stand-out moments here, but I don't want to mention any of them specifically. I don't want to write anything else actually! I'm mentally spent!

Survive Style 5+


2004 movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A few of them.

This wild ride is one of those handful-of-seemingly-unconnected-stories-that-converge-in-interesting-ways deals. The movie's got imagery to spare, and the sense of humor is my kind of thing. I had a lot of fun watching how these stories--a man whose wife just won't stay dead, a family adjusting to life with a father who thinks he's a bird, a wacky trio of sexually-confused themes, a creator of advertisements with insanely bad ideas, and an English hitman and his translator--sort of come together. It might not be a movie that will make you ponder your own purpose in life, but it sure was refreshing watching the characters in this figure out theirs.

Silence


2016 historical/religious drama

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A pair of priests venture to a Japan that doesn't like Christianity in order to retrieve a missionary who was their mentor.

Issey Ogata's where it's at! I probably wasn't supposed to love or root for his character in this, but I couldn't help it. No, he didn't have Adam Driver's ears or Andrew Garfield's bone structure, but he had this voice that just made me love every scene he was in.

This movie's a little too long, but at least there's a beheading.

His Girl Friday


1940 romantic comedy

Rating: 16/20 (Jen: Didn't make it.)

Plot: Newspaper shenanigans and romance on the eve of the hanging of a likely innocent man.

This might have more dialogue packed into 90 minutes than any other movie I've seen.

Scenes from a Marriage


1973 mini-series

Rating: 18/20

Plot: The disintegration of a marriage.

Warnings early--a photographer saying that it "looks like [the couple] loves each other, details about the relationship growing from seeds of unhappiness, a peek at a messy bedroom. Life, as you know if you're my age, goes wrong imperceptibly, and Bergman captures that so well in this six-part mini-series. I watched the longer version--not the condensed film released in America--and I can't imagine a single second of this thing being lost. Every moment--each subtle look, gesture, sigh--is vital in showing the disintegration of this marriage between these intense illiterates.

Liv Ullmann and Erland Josephson seem like they've been living in these roles and in this relationship for ten years before the opening shots. So much of the revelations about their characters and relationship come from what is unspoken. Check out the looks they're exchanging when they get their unpleasant dinner guests ("I could buy a lay from anyone just to wash you out of my genitals" might be best line I've ever heard in a movie) and a glimpse at marital hell. References to mask--horrible masks--abound, and a lot of the joy in watching the pain of these human beings is watching Ullmann wear those masks. She seems to have this ability to change her appearance mid-scenes and even shrink when she needs to. Josephson displays this controlled blend of this male arrogance and "absolute, all-encompassing loneliness," so perfect at being dejected and in control, sometimes from one minute to the next and sometimes simultaneously. Together, they have a perfect non-rapport, a glorious lack of harmony. Most of these scenes look like they would have been exhausting for the pair to create.

I like how they're shot, too. As far as I can remember, there aren't any scenes that take place outside until the last installment. Well, no, I do remember another brief scene. But most of the time, these characters are trapped in these indoor spaces. There's an intimacy to the whole thing with these close-ups capable of making the viewer uncomfortable. Cinematographer Sven Nykvist doesn't do a lot that's flashy here, but the camera is always in the right place in all these long takes, and you have to love the way stripes are used in the third episode of this thing.

Ivan Vasilievich: Back to the Future


1973 sci-fi comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: An inventor accidentally sends his landlord into the past while bringing Ivan the Terrible into the present.

This is "not strictly a historical film."

Featuring the Russian Rick Moranis, lots of Benny Hill type sequences, 4th Wall busting, and a wacky moogish score, this Soviet sci-fi comedy is more fun than it is good. Granted, it seems like a lot of the verbal wordplay might have been lost in translation. Cool cartoonish effects and no-budget old-school camera trickery always translates well, however, and I really liked the look of the time machine--a well-shot pile of junk. There are also some fun moments with a cat.

Should I have been surprised to see Marlboro product placement? Because I was!

Walking Tall


1973 dumb action movie

Rating: 10/20

Plot: Bufford Pusser takes over as sheriff in a crime-ridden town and starts hitting people with a piece of wood.

This is "suggested by certain events" in the story of real-life hero Bufford Pusser, a man with the name Bufford Pusser. It's all melodrama and machismo, poorly directed with whatever the opposite of grace and style might be, the kind of clumsy thing that's about as realistic as a wrestling match. Everything that happens in this movie seems like it is happening for far too long. The movie's two hours of action, and it feels like it. Music by somebody named Walter Scharf, and it sounds almost exactly like what you'd imagine Scharf sounding like. A Scharf score is exactly what this movie deserves. Nobody deserves the terrible Johnny Mathis song at the end of this. That's the kind of thing they could use to torture terrorists in the Middle East.

This is the type of movie that would be proud to torture terrorists in the Middle East.

The mythic hero-making, along with the gun-nut propaganda, is borderline absurd. Joe Don Baker is not a good actor, but he's big enough and has something that is almost like charisma. It's a smelly sort of charisma. With lines about how they want to "nail his ass to the cross" and "an ordinary man" not being able to survive some of the things Pusser goes through, there's this effort to make the character into a right-wing icon or a Christ figure. Or both.

The most emblematic moment is when a dog dies and Bufford Pusser drags it into the house to show his freaked-out children.

Seven Servants


1996 movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A dying rich guy hires shirtless men to stick fingers in his orifices.

"I don't understand why people like to eat together but hate to defecate together."

Trying to figure out how many orifices Anthony Quinn had put me on the edge of my seat!

This is Daryush Shokof's first feature-length film, and one of Quinn's last. The former's lack of experience isn't a hindrance; in fact, there's a lo-fi experimental flavor to this that is refreshing. Some cheap special effects, questionable pacing, and random surrealistic droppings add to a weirdness. One wonders what the appeal for an actor like Quinn would have been, but apparently he was all-in on this project. It's unclear what a lot of it means, but who cares about that when you get to watch a dance sequence with Quinn and four shirtless guys who each have a finger in a nostril or ear hole.

Ear nostril? Is that a thing?

These blog entries today are completely useless, and I'd like to apologize for them.

Code Unknown


2000 Haneke film

Rating: 14/20

Plot: I don't remember.

When I was in high school, the shirt I had to wear to gym class [redacted], and [redacted] had to [redacted] for me. [Redacted] did, and it was one of the most magical times of my life and one of the ugliest t-shirts you'll ever see! This movie reminded me a lot of that but probably not in a good way.

I didn't understand this movie, and it was really frustrating because I like understanding the movies that I watch. This was an excruciating two hours.

A Woman Under the Influence


1974 drama

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Toxic masculinity in the 1970s!

Gena Rowland's performance here had to have been the inspiration for Winona Ryder's notorious SAG Awards faces.

Note: I got distracted looking at pictures of Winona Ryder, my spirit animal, and wasn't able to finish this review. I apologize for the inconvenience. But hey, I'm not a spaghetti man!

Rat Film


2016 documentary

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Experimental documentary about the rat problem in Baltimore. Wait, not the rat problem. The people problem.

In Baltimore, trash cans are 34 inches high. The significance of a fact like that, once it's illuminated, is the kind of real-life Shammalammadingdongian twist that will have you questioning every single thing you know. Compelling. Harrowing. Rat-tastic.

Recommended for people who enjoy the more idiosyncratic moments and characters from Errol Morris documentaries but can also appreciate the electronic score from Dan Deacon.


Paddleton


2019 dramedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Neighbors and BFFs have their friendship tested when one of them gets cancer.

Ray Romano should win the Academy Award just for the fist bump he uses to end a half-time speech soliloquy in front of a mirror. Unfortunately, Steven Spielberg would throw a fit, and the world needs less tension and conflict. A Spielberg/Romano rumpus would not be good for anybody!

"Sand off" made me giggle. And this is the type of movie manipulation capable of getting me every single time.

Abducted in Plain Sight


2017 documentary

Rating: 10/20 (Jen: 7/20)

Plot: A documentary about abduction, every parent's worst nightmare.

This pop-doc was recommended to me only because there's a scene where a man describes giving another man a hand-job in a truck.

I'm going to read this to my wife now and see if she's impressed enough with my coining of the term "pop-doc" to give me a hand-job.

I didn't like this movie.

Silent Saturday: Strike


1925 Russian silent propaganda film

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Strike!

Yet another movie watched this year featuring scenes of animals being slaughtered. This time, it's heavy-handed symbolism, and if it wasn't for the sequence with the little people dancing on the table, the thrilling apartment scene in which a baby is dangled from a precipice like, and getting to learn that a micrometer costs 25 rubles, I would not have been able to perform sexually the night I watched this.

Leon Morin, Priest


1961 lost Nathan for You episode

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Priest flirtation during WWII.

For the duration of this movie about God trying his best to seduce a hot widow--a WILF, to use the parlance of our times--even though he's got no game, I was distracted because from too many angles, Jean-Paul Belmondo looked a little too much like Nathan Fielder. Spicy confessional time, hints of lesbian lust, a sexy metronome. Ahh, the heat in Morin's sparse living quarters should have been enough to melt those religious texts he offers to the women who visit him, presumably to talk God but more likely because of the way he looks in his vestments. There's a mystery to their meetings, the discussions about Catholic stuff fading into the background while the camera tries to help us figure out what subtle movements, glances, and occasional physical brushes mean. Tones clash--sometimes, things are almost playful, aided by the goofy score; other times, it's mysteriously beguiling.

A cool opening theme, a hot woman staring contest, a slow zoom into a confessional and movie-magical shots of the pair in the same frame, Emmanuelle Riva's descriptions of co-worker Sabine who she's got eyes for ("a ray of black light"), a scene where a little girl faces off against German soldiers, music suddenly ceasing as Morin yanks down a whorish skirt, a dream and then a dreamy ascension to an empty room. Melville's a quiet maestro here as he showcases this relationship.

"My soul felt like a brothel." Hell yeah, it did!