Serenity

2019 ocean noir

Rating: 9/20

Plot: The less time I waste on this movie, the better. If you want a plot synopsis, go look at IMDb or something.

Jason Clarke is quickly becoming a cinematic pet peeve. Here, somebody decided that he should have an unidentifiable accent. His character is also absurdly unlikable, and I can't remember a character I've wanted to see bitten by a shark more than Clarke's character in this. Or a tuna. Or Matthew McConaughey. I didn't even care what bit Jason Clarke in half as long as it happened.

Matthew McConaughey seems to be doing everything he can to sabotage his own career after the heights he reached just a few years ago with those car commercials. It also seems like he's told his agent that he will only take roles that allow him to be near water and show off his naked posterior. He's not terrible here, especially when he's silently prepping for his fishing trips. The movements look practiced and natural as he's preparing bait or whatever. I wish he would have been given opportunities to play a more crazed version of this character. He's subdued and in a little too much control most of the time, and I would have loved to see what Nicolas Cage could have done in this role. McConaughey does let out a Cage-esque primal scream ("Ee-yah!") at one point though. Mostly, he seems a little bored.

It was nice to see that when he dreams about himself, he dreams about himself naked. It's exactly like my Matthew McConaughey dreams.

What starts as a kind of cross between Moby Dick or The People's Sexiest Man Alive and the Sea and sexy ocean noir grows a little more confusing when metaphysical or telepathic elements are introduced. Threads that don't immediately pull together are comical at first, but when everything does come together, it becomes downright nonsensical. It's the kind of film where you might be intrigued the entire time, but afterward, you'll be completely embarrassed that you were intrigued at all.