Herbie Rides Again

1974 sequel

Rating: 7/20

Plot: Herbie, the car from The Love Bug, tries to save an old lady's property from a guy who wants to build shopping malls or something.

So we've got that Disney+, and after watching and enjoying the first episode of The Mandalorian (and the second episode which I thought had a real Samurai Jack vibe), I was looking at all the treasures and Disney classics available to watch. And then, because I apparently hate myself, I decided to watch Herbie Rides Again, something I know I saw as a little kid but haven't seen since. I had my laptop nearby and decided to Movies-a-Go-Go this son of a bitch because the opening credits made it seem like it deserved the Movies-a-Go-Go treatment. So what follows are my unadulterated thoughts as I watched Herbie Rides Again in the year 2019 with my eyeballs.

What a jarring opener--stock footage of building demolition with Hawk overacting like he’s a villain in a silent movie.

With that mustache, you know Hawks is just no good.

God bless, Disney+ for allowing me to watch this. It was either this or begin my attempt to watch The Shaggy Dog the most days in a row. But I think I've decided 2020 is the Year of the Shaggy Dog. I don't want to shoot my Shaggy Dog wad in November of 2019, do I?

Hawk Towers will be 130 stories. I think that’s what they said. The World Trade Center buildings were 100 stories, I believe. So how can these old people at this rich white guy party not be impressed?

Also jarring--Hawk is in a cab talking about demolishing the Roman Colosseum, and now he’s in San Francisco?

Keenan Wynn simultaneously appears to be giving it 110% and dying. He’s so sweaty in these early scenes.

What did this old lady do to Dean Jones and Buddy Hackett?

Two minutes at this old bag’s firehouse, and this lawyer’s already met a with a sentient Volkswagon,  jukebox, and trolley.

Oh, Buddy Hackett is off in Tibet with a guru. Pronounced with an accent on the second syllable.

Wait a second. Have I been pronouncing "guru" wrong?

Whoa! Nicole is a smokeshow! Great legs! And now I have to watch Herbie Rides Again on a Wednesday night aroused. If Buddy Hackett was in this, that would be expected. No Buddy Hackett? Well, I'm as surprised as you are!

This driving scene is just regurgitated from the first movie. But I do love the recycled music, truly one of my favorite bits of music in any movie ever. I'm not even joking.

Chicken Tournament Jousting Today...looks like they used a Madlibs book to write some of this.

The Red Knight? Was the casting call for somebody who could make that face like Peter Thorndyke when driving?

I guess they didn’t want to film at a real wharf, so they decided to go with the green screen. What is really cool about this scene is that they couldn’t figure out if the characters are inside or outside.

Nicole strikes Hawk’s nephew with a lobster and he flies--I’m not even kidding--at least thirty feet. And it might or may not have been through a window.

“Why did you hit Mr. Whitfield with that boiled lobster?”

There's just something about a hot woman sliding down a fireman’s pole. I must be in a mood or something because I think I might have to pleasure myself during this viewing of Herbie Rides Again. I'll try my best to control myself, however, because these Movies-a-Go-Go things don't type themselves!

Racing montage! And yes, we get more of the music. I really hope this Herbie dream sequence ends with a shot where Herbie has leaked oil all over the ground.

I really miss Dean Jones. I’ve written about this before, but for me, he was right up there with Harrison Ford. I just thought he was the coolest motherfucker around.

This Willoughby Whitfield character has a head that is too similar to Mr. Bean’s. It's very distracting.

They don’t make stewardesses like they used to. Or their skirts. And yes, I know I’m not supposed to call them stewardesses, but I’m already objectifying women and doubt it matters all that much.

Did this rich guy with the cigar just say that his men and some equipment were playing rummy? Is the digging equipment also. . . [Note: Apparently, I didn't finish this thought.]

Holy cow, this Keenan Wynn is on fire!

This scene where Hawk is bragging out how good he was at repossessing cars at the age nineteen certainly has some odd editing choices.

I’m really not sure how stealing this old lady’s car is going to get her to move out of a firehouse, but I’m just trying to go with the flow here. I’m going to turn off my mind and let Herbie take me places.

“DON’T YOU DARE TO THREAT ME!”

I had to rewind it this to watch the shot of people celebrating when the cop cars crashed into each other a second time.

These characters sure do talk to themselves a lot in this movie. I guess if the inner monologue is as important as it is here, you just have to let the audience get that glimpse inside the characters' heads.

I believe the scene where the old lady is going to the store and takes her hands off the wheel and Herbie takes control is supposed to be movie magic. It is not, I'm sorry to report, movie magic.

And now a scene in a parking garage that very obviously inspired Tokyo Drift.

Outstanding special effects as Herbie leaps from the top of a parking garage to a building across the street.

Ha! The bad guys ended up with cake on them! The perfect consequence for villainry!

I didn’t think this movie could get stupider or look worse, but the quintet of villains are chasing Herbie up the Golden Gate Bridge now. The special effects are bad, and the lack of logic makes it just way too silly.

It’s possible that I’m wrong, but it sure seems like the old lady is giving Herbie instructions to get Willoughby and the stewardess to sleep together. She really wants her daughter granddaughter or whoever this is to get laid!

“Did you know that’s the first time I’ve ever heard anybody use the word ‘romantic’ in a real conversation?” What?

Herbie chasing seagulls around probably doesn’t help the romantic mood.

“You can hit me back if you want.”
“That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
I think you’re missing the point, Willoughby. She wants to you hit that!

Willoughby and Nicole are about to “do it,” and Herbie is trying to fuck a seagull. This movie just got really horny!

“Well, that’s ridiculous. Why would a shark be following a Volkswagon?”

Surfer guy--my favorite auxiliary character in this thing so far. [David Mooney, I guess. And it appears as if he just passed away in 2019. RIP, surfer guy.]

How stoned were the writers of this thing?

Another question--why isn’t there a Herbie ride at Disney World?

“Alright, get your hands up!”
“Don’t get fresh with me, young man.”
What?

How many cigars does this Barnsdorf guy smoke a day?

Judson, doin’ alright until he imbibed in that sheep dip.

Another car chase, a potentially out-of-control trolley filled with junk and a guy loopy on sheep dip...things are about to get nuts!

Offscreen: “Look what you done to my pretzi!” I had to rewind it four times and couldn’t heard anything else.

I want to see a dollar amount on the property damage this little heist has caused.

Oh, man! This action scene with Willoughby’s leap from Herbie’s hood to the out-of-control streetcar was something else!

At this point, I’m not totally sure that Willoughby and Nicole have had sex, and that bothers me.

Ha ha! Obvious switch to stop-motion as Willoughby is hanging from a window cleaning lift.

A scene with bubbles has me so flabbergasted that I have no idea what to type.

Hawk yelling at some birds for absolutely no reason--nearly magical.

This nightmarish sequence with sheep with a 53 painted on them jumping over a fence before a bunch of Hebies with teeth chase down Willoughby...then Herbie’s throwing hatchets, a King Kong sequence...what a dream sequence!

“Right for the jugular vein, baby!” Hawk’s just getting cooler as this thing goes.

Reusing the same restaurant set. Maybe it had windows the entire time. I’m not sure what’s real anymore after watching Herbie chase Hawk around in a room full of bubbles.

Yet another reference to Willoughby looking like a rabbit. I think I might have missed something earlier because this recurring joke or whatever it is doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Slug bug!

So all Volkswagon Bugs are sentient now? Got it. I think. Maybe I don't got it. Maybe there's nothing at all to get.

Hippie VW at the drive-in....there’s a shot of a couple inside kissing, and it was a still. What the heck?

They just showed them again! What is happening?

Hawk’s workers get a little wet and run away like their lives are in danger. That seems plausible.

The shot this ends on...wow. The newlyweds are riding in Herbie under an arch made by other VW Bugs and some kids are throwing rice. It looks worse than the shots of Herbie on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Disney+ is telling me to watch Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo, and I can’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t. That's one I'm definitely watching without pants.