Movies Not Even Shane Could Finish Watching

2013 television movie blockbuster

Plot: Sharknado.

This was such a bad movie phenomenon that I felt that I had a responsibility to watch it. And I don't want to mislead you with the title of this post up there. Technically, I did finish this movie. I got all the way to the credits. I got really bored about one-third in and started throwing a tiny football around the living room or finding other ways to stay busy. It's not that this movie isn't bad because it is. And it's not even that it's lacking entertainment value because the battle between the completely ludicrous concept and the terrible execution over which is worse is sometimes amusing. But a little of this goes a long way, and after a while, it all feels redundant.

1975 sex comedy

Plot: A series of sex jokes.

This is the kind of thing that people thought was funny in the mid-70's. Now, you need Hugh Jackman with testicles hanging from his chin if you're going to get a laugh. There's plenty of nudity, but most of the jokes don't work at all. I may have only watched this because the title is a complete sentence with punctuation. I had to stop watching it because I just didn't feel any laughs coming any time soon. That, or I couldn't get past the shot from the first scene where the characters all make a face at the camera after the punchline.


2012 children's movie

Plot: I don't know. I didn't make it to one.

Nope, I didn't even make it to a balloon. It's entirely possible that this movie gets better after an opening on-stage musical number that called for audience participation. I can't imagine seeing this in a theater and not taking my own life. A barrage of colors in the scene following the musical number forced me into the bathroom to vomit. I assume there was a balloon later in the movie. Also, I assume that Oogust 29 is a day that should live in infamy.

2012 comedy

Plot: Nazis who have escaped to the dark side of the moon have plans to bring on the Fourth Reich.

There's a sometimes Bad Movie Club member who won't stop talking about this. It's an intentional comedy, however, and those don't really work for us. I thought I'd check it out to shut him up about it, but I couldn't finish it after two attempts. This was really boring, and I don't have the time for boring bad movies.

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