Rating: 14/20
Plot: After the evil Count Dooku puts the mythological demigod's gal pal in a trance in some devious plot to become the ruler of wherever she's supposed to become the ruler in, Hercules and a couple buddies have to venture to the Underworld to retrieve a magic stone to save her.
Reg Park's got the guns and charisma to play the titular strongman, and I think he nails the action-hero deity side to the part while also nailing the human side. A young Christoper Lee, for some reason with a dubbed voice which just didn't sound right at all to me, is perhaps menacing only because of how tall he looks. I'm not sure how I felt about the guy who played Theseus (George Ardisson) who I thought was a little dopey-looking. I just didn't buy him as a mythological hero, probably because he had to be on the screen with Hercules most of the time. That or he's making out with the ladies. He does that a lot. Not sure if this was pre- or post-Ariadne and the labyrinth because I'm not up on my mythology. I wasn't even aware that Hercules and Theseus were buddies. I am enough of a nerd to recognize the name Procrustes and his infamous bed, and that whole scene could not have been gayer. First, I didn't realize he was a petrified tree monster, and although he was almost not completely dorky, I still can't think of anything less menacing. And when he said, "You should be longer," I thought that Theseus was going to joke, "That's what she said." I'm actually kind of disappointed that he didn't because it would have been so cool if Mario Bava was the guy responsible for the "That's what she said" joke. This sword and sandal flick has its share of mumbo-jumbo, some of it narrated by a voice that has to belong to an elementary school librarian, and that makes it feel a little bit stiff. It's hard to take a story seriously when people are talking about the "grotto of Procrustes" and dragons swallowing moons. And honestly, I was a little bored with the story and just paid attention to Bava's visuals, especially in the scenes taking place in the Underworld. Bava might have invented brand new colors for this thing, and I loved watching a magic ship in a psychedelic perpetual dusk-dawn. Scenes featuring gnarled trees, perfectly-fallen magic apples, the emerging of the dead, and vines that bleed were really cool, and Bava's visual brilliance kept things interesting even when the plot wasn't very interesting at all. Those visuals are so cool that I'm surprised Bava wasn't doomed to make movies like this for the rest of his career.
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