1994 unreleased movie
Rating: 5/20 (Josh: 7/20; Johnny: 6/20; Jeremy: 8/20; Libby: 4/20; Fred: 5/20)
Plot: Four astronauts have a bunch of science happen to them which manages to make them slightly more fantastic. They become Stretchy Man, Clobberin' Man, Fire Man, and Invisible Seamstress Girl and face off against a metallic mumbler named Dr. Doom who has plans to blow up a city or something.
Hey, at least the score is pretty good. This movie was never officially released and was only created in the first place because the Neue Constantin film company's rights to the titular superheroes was about to expire. Roger Corman said he could produce the thing for under a million bucks, and they shot it in about twenty-five days. Honestly, I'm not sure why they bothered spending any money at all for a movie that they never actually intended to release to the public. The special effects, credited to "Mr. Film" believe it or not, are about as embarrassing as you'd expect for a movie made for that amount of money, especially a scene where Fire Man turns into a cartoon and chases down a laser. Effects to make Stretchy Man elastic were also ludicrous although I'll be the first to admit that a final shot in this of his arm waving from the top of a limousine was pretty rad. Dr. Doom's costume ain't bad, and they must have worked extra hard on giving his fingers articulation because he shows those babies off any chance he gets. The other costumes? Well, just look at that shot of the foursome up there. Rock Man's a stiff plastic, and the other three have uniforms that look like they belong on the set of a television superhero parody. It's not good. When Invisible Seamstress Girl surprised the others with the costumes, they didn't seem interested in wearing them, and she was the only one to wear hers for several scenes afterward. My favorite character was Mole Man who, according to one of my Facebook friends, is actually called Mole Man. However, I don't see a Mole Man in the credits and think he must be the Jeweler played by Ian Trigger, a guy who ostensibly brought years of Shakespearean stage performance to role. Josh appreciated the gravitas he brought to the movie. Of course, when you've got the script these fine thespians were given to work with, it's going to be tough to make things happen. Here, they're forced to say things like "This is neat!" or, when flying in space as alleged astronauts, "This is really awesome!" or "We're motorin'," things astronauts just aren't allowed to say. The writing didn't matter much when Rock Man or Dr. Doom spoke because I couldn't really understand either of them anyway. Well, unless Rock Man said his catch-phrasey "It's clobberin' time!" which he says at least three times in this. Some guy named Wurst provides the score and went all out, balls to the cello. I think he threw every musical idea he's ever had into this movie. This is predictably terrible, but I'd wager that it's more palatable than any Fantastic Four movie that's been made since. I'm ashamed to say that I don't know how many that might be.
You can find this unreleased gem on Youtube.
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