Bad Movie Rating: Abraxas, Guardian of the Galaxy

1990 sci-fi movie

Bad Movie Rating: 3/5 (Lisa: 3/5; Josh: 3/5; Fred: 2/5)

Rating: 5/20

Plot: Kind of like Terminator but much stupider. I'm sorry. This is the best I can do. I have a lot of these things to catch up on.

Josh pointed out that Abraxas would be a good Scrabble play. It's a bingo, of course, assuming that you're playing off another word. And if you put that motherfucker on a triple-word score space, you're looking at close to 100 points.

This Terminator rip-off has Jesse Ventura, a wrestler/actor who would also rip-off Arnold by becoming governor. Actually, I just looked it up and Ventura was a governor first, so you have to assume Schwarzenegger got into politics to somehow get revenge on Ventura for being in this Terminator rip-off. I'm pretty sure that's how most people decide to get into politics.

Ventura became the governor only nine years after this movie was made. That's almost shocking because you'd think any opponent would just have to show clips from this movie to sway voters.

If you're a science fiction screenplay writer like Damian Lee, you probably have to know a lot about both science and fiction. Lee is the director of Food of the Gods II, and let's face it--movie producers aren't going to trust any guy off the street with a project like that. But shockingly, it seems like Lee doesn't even know where his own planet is as a character clearly says Earth is the fourth planet from the sun in this. Maybe the actor just messed up the line though. Lee also doesn't know how to tell a story, so I guess he doesn't really know a lot about fiction either.

"Are you a birthing member of the human race? I need your body." I'm trying that as a come-on line if my wife ever decides to leave me and forces me to look for another birthing member of the human race. Ventura isn't great as the titular Scrabble winning word, but Sven-Ole Thorsen, as the guy who is looking for that birthing member, isn't bad. There's a fish-out-of-water element that almost works. Thorsen's had a career playing an assortment of thugs and goons in movies like The Running Man and Gladiator.

There's also a mute kid in this, and one has to assume that they decided to make his character mute because talking only made his acting worse. We kept waiting for a first spoken line from him, something that was really built up. I was hoping for a "God bless us, everyone" since this is practically a Christmas movie, but what he eventually says is disappointing.

I gave this a 3/5 on the Bad Movie Rating Scale, but one full point was added for Jesse Ventura's braid. I just wanted to be upfront about that.