Woodenhead

2003 fairy tale

Rating: 12/20

Plot: A garbage dump employee is directed to escort his boss's daughter to meet her husband, and a bunch of strange things happen.

Throw this in the fascinating failure category, and then almost immediately forget about it. There are some neat ideas, but this is ultimately more irritating than anything else. First, it's got a one-named director (Florian), and that's just annoying. Then, there's the dubbing thing. The dialogue is very obviously recorded separately from what we're seeing, and I'm fairly positive that the dialogue was actually written after the filming. It's sometimes humorous, but like everything else in this movie, it's more weird than meaningful. The whole movie challenges you to adjust to this bizarre flow, and I doubt most people are going to be able to do it. There are weirdo circus moves, a great dance scene between Gert and the gal, and a moment where the screen goes completely black for over a minute. And those intermittent throat gargle sounds and a sound effect that sounded like an electric razor. This is a worthy effort made on what was obviously a very limited budget. Florian throws a lot of ideas at the viewer and either dares to be different or dares to be a guy trying to remake Fando and Lis. Woodenhead just fails to deliver anything memorable or meaningful and never really develops a confident voice. I didn't hate the movie at all and would definitely watch something else by Florian, especially if he gets himself another name, but this just didn't feel complete.

I looked this up and was completely wrong. Not wrong enough to go back and edit this or anything though. Apparently, all of the sound was recorded before the film was shot. From Wikipedia:

"[Florian] Habicht [He does have another name!] states on the DVD that the film was inspired by a dream in which two angels appearing as Milli Vanilli fly into a stadium and tell him that the band lip-synched their music, apparently unaware that this is common knowledge. They then tell him to make a film where the sound is recorded before the visuals."

That almost makes me want to bump this up to a 14/20.

Shane trivia: Shane is married to a person who went to a Milli Vanilli concert.

Trollhunter

2010 troll movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Some documentarians--a couple guys and a gal--investigate murmurings of some kind of monster in the woods. Hey, wait a minute!

Actually, the kids are trying to figure out what's killing bears, but they stumble upon a guy who claims to be the titular hunter of trolls hired by the government to keep these giant trolls in their place and the secret of their existence a secret. He reluctantly agrees to let them tag along, probably because the girl is kind of cute.

Hell yeah! Rampaging trolls? I'm all over that. This puts a new spin on both monster movies and the found footage genre. The special effects are very good in that the giant trolls manage to mesh with the settings, but I do with they would have done a little more. They're really kind of there to be seen and then later turned to stone or evaporated. One would think that this found footage stuff would get old, but this Blair Witch-but-with-special-effects works because it's got a sense of humor. It toys with Norwegian folklore and never quite takes itself seriously enough to be a straight horror movie. The acting works well enough to keep the "This is real!" claim at the beginning afloat even though there isn't a single person on earth who is going to watch this and think it's real.

Well, I take that back. I did have a student this week who genuinely thought the Paranormal Activity movies were real. Maybe I should show him this and see what he thinks.

I liked the title character played by Otto Jespersen, ruggedly and aloofly, and I may have given this movie a bonus point for how pretty Norway looked. This is a very cool movie with a nicely indeterminate ending, and I'd say it's a must-see if you're into trolls.

Tangled

2010 Disney movie

Rating: 15/20 (Jennifer: 18/20; Emma: 20/20; Abbey: 20/20)

Plot: Poor Rapunzel. Her fake mother keeps her trapped in a lonely tower in order to take care of the Fountain-of-Youth-like powers of her golden tresses. She watches floating lanterns on her birthday every year, not even aware that they're released by the king and queen for her. A handsome thief stumbles upon her tower while fleeing from a horse, and she sees him as her chance to see the world for the first time.

It's amazing how lively and fresh this one seems for something that borrows so heavily from all the other Disney princess movies. You've got very similar stock fairy tale characters, an anthropomorphized animal sidekick, a big romantic "Whole-New-World-Boat-Ride-Ballroom" scene, action scenes that seem like they could be identical to action scenes from other Disney movies. But this one puts all these pieces together in a way that really works and gives this one some vibrancy. I really like most of the characters. Rapunzel's now getting my vote for hottest Disney princess with those cute big eyes and beautiful hair that she can use to tie you to a chair with if she's feeling frisky. And a makeover at the end makes her even cuter! The guy's that typical bad-guy-only-on-the-outside type, but he's at least a hero you can root for from the beginning until the end of this one. The animated couple has good chemistry, and their developing romance feels more real here, probably because Disney gives it more of a modern spin to appeal more to contemporary kids, than in most of their princess movies. The "mother" bad guy is funny as that typical overly-judgemental and overly-protective mother, and I thought the anthropomorphized horse was fun. This story moves briskly, has action and humor, and has some lovely computer animation. My only complaint would be with the songs which I thought were just awful, the only exception being the big "Dream" number in the pub filled with ruffians. That was a fun scene and included voice work by Brad Garrett, Jeffrey Tambor, and Richard Kiel. That's right--another Richard Kiel spotting.

And now, here's how I'd rank the Disney princesses by how much I would, if I were a cartoon man, want to have sex with them:

1) Rapunzel
2) Mulan
3) Jasmine
4) Ariel with legs and no voice
5) Belle
6) Pocahontas (I've not seen her movie though)
7) Tiana
8) Cinderella pre-transformation
9) Ariel with no legs and a voice
10) Aurora
11) Cinderella after the transformation
12) Snow White

It should be noted that if the fairy godmother counted as a Disney Princess, she would be between Ariel and Jasmine.

How's my list compare to yours?