Little Cigars

 

1973 little person crime caper

Rating: 12/20

Plot: On the run from gangsters, regular-sized Cleo hooks up with five diminutive performers who use their stage show as a front for some thieving. She and their leader Slick Bender strike up a romance as their crimes get more and more ambitious.

I love watching things that make my wife ask "What are you watching?" in a way that makes me think she'd ask "What the hell are you watching?" if she cursed more. She did that twice for this movie. I had to watch it in two installments, and she was confused by it twice.

The appeal for me, of course, was all the little people, especially shane-movies favorite Billy Curtis from The Terror of Tiny Town. Little Curtis is so angry through most of this. Look at this collection of lines:

Billy: Don't ever call a midget a dwarf.
Guy: What's the difference?
Billy: (in a whispery voice) Broken arm.

"Alright, you little perverts!"
"Is that the name of the game today? Teasing midgets?"
"If there are any heroes in here today, they're gonna be dead ones."
(After emerging from a crate with disheveled hair and a giant sweat stain on his shirt) "Boy, am I glad to be out of that son of a bitch."
"You don't have to tiptoe, you slut."
"Put me down!"

He also gets to fight a little bit in a bar, and it looks more realistic than half of Hollywood's fights. But there are other little people fights--including one where they gang up on one guy, another that is little-person-on-little-person, and a water fight that might be the hottest thing I've ever seen--and other little people. There's mustachioed Cadillac played by the great-voiced Jerry Maren who worked with the Marx brothers and got the chance to hand Dorothy a lollipop. He was also in the "Yada Yada" episode of Seinfeld. Frankie (Felix Silla) has the best voice of this crew. He fixes things in this movie but also played an Ewok, several aliens, Misquamacus in The Manitou, and Twiki in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. Hugo is one muscular midget (I can use that word if there's alliteration--it's a rule.) and is played by Emory Souza who wasn't in a lot of movies but did do stunts in Dirty Harry. And there's Frank Delfino who looks a lot like Walter Matthieu and who played the Hamburglar in McDonalds commercials for over 20 years. A little guy named Buddy Douglas plays an attorney and is really awesome.

But who else is in this, albeit in a limited role? Angelo Rossitto, from Freaks. He's the smallest of a bunch of little people in a police line-up, and the only one of those guys to get lines, ramblings about being an honorary sheriff. Man, I love all 2 feet and 11 inches of that guy!

This movie's a hit 'n' miss affair. The biggest problem is that its makers don't seem sure what kind of movie they're even making. A black comedy? An action crime movie? It's dark without being funny too often. The capers don't make much sense, and the five little people and one statuesque blond woman seem a little conspicuous. It seems that the writers are playing a little game of "Let's see how many interesting places we can fit a little person," but all of the capers could be accomplished by just walking into a place with a gun and saying, "This is a stick-up!" like they end up doing anyway. The only thing silllier than their crime spree is the Little Cigars' act which might be the worst thing ever. Speaking of the statuesque blond, I do like her. She's Angel Tompkins and gets to be on screen in a towel and her underwear. Such a tease. She calls Billy Curtis a "piss pot" and has a fantastic wink. She's in this to look sexy and manages to pull that off. I loved one line of hers spoken to Curtis: "Because I'm an old lady, and I dig your little ass."

One other thing I really liked about this one was the ridiculous amount of off-screen asides, what I'm going to refer to "Attaboy, Luthers" from now on:

"Why, that cigar's bigger than he is!"
"That guy's shot!" (I love that one!)
"Watch out! Crazy driver! She's out of her head!"
"Hell, that's better than a waterbed." (during a Billy Curtis pillow demonstration)
"I'm gonna feed it to my bull!" (this one has to do with fertility candy bars)
"Like people with toy guns."

I enjoyed this, but it's not a very good movie. Check it out if you like little people in cinema as much as me. If that's possible.

Magic Mike

2012 stripper movie

Rating: 8/20 (Jen: 8/20)

Plot: The titular stripper takes a young pup under his hunky wing and teaches him the profession. Adam's extracurricular activities threaten to get Mike in some trouble and ruin his chances of opening up a furniture-making business.

I completely forgot that I watched this movie with Jen a few weeks ago. She was in the mood for something with "bunches of male stripping," "barely a story at all," and "lots of Matthew McConaughey." I suggested this because I thought it would also have some magic, but unfortunately, there wasn't anything magical at all. This isn't too far from Showgirls in terms of quality. The biggest difference is that it's not unintentionally hilarious. What I'm wondering is what Steven Soderbergh is doing this for? Shouldn't he be hard at work on a sequel to Schizopolis or something? That's a rhetorical question, so please don't answer it. McConaughey is his usual charismatic self and gets to say, "Alright, alright, alright!" enough to satisfy fans of Matthew McConaughey saying, "Alright." And if you're a fan of naked men, this has more than enough of that, too. There were so many stripping scenes here, and although they were all well choreographed and the actors (not professional strippers?) did a fine job, they just felt extraneous halfway through the movie. What this doesn't have is enough of a plot to last for the nearly two hour length of the motion picture or characters that are the least bit interesting. I guess I was supposed to care for Channing Tatum's Magic Mike because he made furniture, but I just couldn't do it. Tatum's not a very good actor either although he seems to be getting a lot of work. For this, it's apparently that he was hired as the lead only because he's pretty. The worst acting in this and quite possibly in anything else is Cody Horn's as Tatum's sister. She must be a Scientologist or something because she showed absolutely no emotion whatsoever in this movie and read all of her lines like she was behind a table reading lines for other actors during auditions. She didn't seem like she wanted to be in the movie at all. I might not be the audience for this movie even though I am a big fan of Matthew McConaughey and male strippers, but I found this really really boring. This is the last time I let Jen pick a movie for a long time!

For Your Height Only

1981 little person James Bond

Rating: 5/20

Plot: The evil Mr. Giant has kidnapped some scientist and is planning on using him for some evil plan that never made any sense to me. There's only one little guy who can stop him and his band of ruffians--Agent Double-O! Mayhem ensues.

I've also seen the title of this as For Y'ur Height Only. I'm going to go ahead and go with what's on the poster since, you know, it's actually a real word and all.

A story behind this movie made me laugh. Apparently, Imelda Marcos put together the Manila International Film Festival as a way of showing off Filipino culture. Only one film sold though--this one! I'm sure that made Marcos proud.

This has one heck of a body count. Star Weng Weng (pronounced Wang Wang) kills about as many bad guys as James Bond does in all of those movies combined, I think. He does it with his guns, sure, but also with his lethal little hands and feet. As ridiculous as it might seem to have an action star of his stature (2'9", the shortest leading actor ever [Troyer, by the way, is actually an inch shorter but has never had a starring role.]), the guy moves fluidly, packs a tiny but strong-looking punch, and performs his stunts admirably. I assume it's Weng Weng doing his own stunts anyway. I doubt they found a 2'9" stunt double. That the fight scenes don't look completely ridiculous is really pretty impressive. Well, let me clarify. There are multiple scenes involving Weng Weng scooting across the floor and shooting people. It's like his signature move. And it's cool and all, but he's got to be covered in butter or something in order for that to happen. Still, I'm not knocking this little guy's action chops, and if you saw this bitchin' jump/kick/shoot thing, you wouldn't either. The makers utilize Weng Weng's stature to the fullest, and part of his spy skills involve him being able to get into places that spies of a regular stature wouldn't be able to squeeze into. One great scene involves Weng Weng climbing through an opening at the top of a fence. A pedestrian (an actual pedestrian, not a film extra) spots him and looks really confused. Mostly, this is played pretty straight with more than its fair share of sight gags. Sure, there's some silliness. For one, it rips off the James Bond theme which seems pretty ballsy to me. There's a Stooge-esque pie-throwing scene, an X-ray glasses gag that ended with Weng Weng covering his mouth to conceal a Pillsbury giggle (legendary, by the way), a scene involving a lethal flying hat that ended with that same giggle, and a scene where he uses a jet pack that forced me to conceal a little giggle. Other silliness involving a telecommunications device that is essentially a mirror with lights around it with a nearby action figure, the surprise of seeing the main villain Mr. Giant for the first time near the end of the movie, and a scene straight from Mary Poppins that had to have been extremely dangerous for the little dummy they used in Weng Weng's place made it difficult to take this seriously as an action movie. The numerous scenes where Weng Weng essentially trips a villain and incapacitates him also don't seem all that realistic. The real nuttiness is with the dubbing or poorly translated dialogue. I'm sure it's poorly translated anyway because I'm sure the people responsible for writing For Your Height Only had a top-notch script that would make the Philippines and Imelda Marcos proud. But check out these gems:

"Don't be a nosy Parker, Paco."
"Talk! Talk or you'll eat lead!" (Actually, you need to hear the dubbed bad guy voices. They all sound like they're straight out of 1950's gangster movies.
(Weng Weng's boss when going over the weapons/gadgets) "I like how you pay attention."

Or take this dialogue:

Big boss man: Nobody could begin to guess. There's a lot of dough in this dough. The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. Happy pushing. Happy pushing. The boss says to cover every kindergarten...and sandbox. We're gonna teach them something about pleasure.
A subordinate: Yeah, but what if Double-O should appear, huh?
Big boss man: You blast him into another world. You kill him. There's always a way.

This was another nice exchange, and I wonder if the translators rhymed intentionally or not:

Subordinate: He's a mass killer, that Double-O. Who will be the next to go?
Big boss man: I said shut your hole!

Or the line after they find a signalling device on the hot little female spy? "So this is how you communicate with your little Weng." Come on! Remember, it's pronounced to rhyme with dang.

Another good one:

Guy 1: That little man has done it to us again. He's made a monkey out of the forces of evil. He's as slippery as an eel. How the devil do you hold on to an eel?
Guy 2: To be beaten by a lousy eel! We must get him at all cost!
Guy 3: I declare war on that little stinker!

But nothing beats this exchange which might be the best dialogue I've ever heard in a Filipino little person spy movie:

Woman: You're a great person, ya know.
Weng Weng: You don't have to say. It ain't the size. It's the way you use it.
Woman: Maybe, but are you a sexual animal?
Weng Weng: I don't know.
Woman: I'm crazy about you, Agent Double-O. Why, I don't know. Maybe it's the way you strut your stuff. You know sex is like tequila. Take one sip and you're a goner.
Weng Weng: Shall we get it on?
Woman: Yes, darling. Bare your bod.


All in all, I really enjoyed this fun little (no pun intended) movie and look forward to seeing this pint-sized badass ("Pettite, like a potato," as one character says) in the handful of other actioners he starred in.

Summer of Nicolas Cage Movie # 20: Next

2007 movie

Rating: 10/20

Plot: Oh, snap! Somebody wants to blow up Los Angeles, and the FBI thinks the only person who can stop it is a two-bit Las Vegas magician who can see two minutes into the future. That magician (Cris Johnson, a guy who gets my nerves automatically because of the lack of 'h' in his name) is too busy trying to make a quick buck and ball Jessica Biel though.

Sleazy hair and silky-smooth narration. That's really what modern Nic Cage movies are about. Unfortunately for my boy Nic and this movie, I don't really like his character. There is one terrific moment where a character asks him if he's a leprechaun, and he laughs hysterically. And we get to see his flirting on display as he woos Biel with conversation about raining fish in Denmark, Zen monks eating hot dogs, and quotes from Italian painters. This movie's got some unfortunate special effects and some very big music. The characters aren't allowed to evolve; they're just there to set up big big action sequences anyway. The finale is the dumbest with Nicolas Cage looking like he's in a movie made by M.C. Escher, duplicated and re-duplicated until there are about a dozen running around. Yeah, don't get excited Nicolas Cage fanboys because it's just about as stupid as it sounds and only slightly arousing. You also get a Matrix-y Nicolas Cage twisting away from bullets. It also borrows from A Clockwork Orange in another implausible scene where the FBI forces C[h]ris to keep his eyes open and watch something-rather. I just didn't buy much of what was going on in this. The seeing-two-minutes-into-the-future premise has promise, but what they do with the special magic power isn't all that interesting. I also didn't buy the Biel relationship. This seemingly half-assed effort lacks the depth to make you think about anything and doesn't have the special effects or action choreography to make this a very good action-thriller.

I really wish Nicolas Cage would only work with monkeys or Werner Herzog. Eagerly awaiting, by the way: Ghostrider: Stallion of the Cimarron. I saw a preview where he pisses fire in that one!

Being John Malkovich

1999 head trip about somebody's head

Rating: 18/20

Plot: A loser puppeteer gets a real job and discovers a portal leading to the inside of actor John Malkovich's head. He tells the cute woman he's crushing on at work about it, and she begins dreaming of ways to exploit it and turn a profit. The puppeteer's life begins to spiral out of control.

Here's a John Cusack movie that I like. I remember watching this when it came out and just digging how fresh it all seemed. It made me laugh, it made me think, and it made me fall in love with Catherine Keener. She's just so playful and cute here, and yes, I'm typing that fully aware that my wife is going to be reading it. Her response of "We'll see" to the question "What happens when a man goes through his own portal?" might be my favorite moment in any movie ever. I already loved John Malkovich although I can't say I was exactly in love with him, and this performance is brave and inspired. It's hard enough to play yourself accurately but when you're playing this satirical inflated version of yourself? Now that I think about it, my favorite moment in any movie ever might actually be when some random driver-by yells, "Hey, Malkovich, think fast!" before hitting him in the head with something. But yeah, Malkovich is brave here. Doing an interpretive dance in a towel, poking fun at his celebrity, possibly convincing audiences of this movie that he's good friends with Charlie Sheen. Actually, that's one of my favorite tidbits from this--learning that Charlie Sheen gets Malkovich's leftovers. Who knew? My favorite moment (and quite possibly the best few minutes of any movie in the history of cinema) is the delirious trip Malkovich takes through his own head. I giggled myself to the point of exhaustion, passed out, and woke up a week later facedown in the mud during that scene. Bonus points given for Keener, a monkey, and puppets, but most of these points come from the raw, arguably film-school-quality creativity and the willingness everybody involved had to take this wild concept and run with it.

For all you Andy Dick completists, he is in this one.

Rock 'n' Roll High School

1979 high school musical

Rating: 13/20

Plot: Thanks to rock 'n' roll, the students at Vince Lombardi High School have no interest in obeying the rules or getting an education. After yet another principal has a nervous breakdown, the school board hires Ms. Togar to clean things up and make the school a place of learning. Her agenda conflicts with student Riff Randell, a big fan of punk rockers The Ramones.

This punksploitative teenage comedy's got less laughs than Fast Times at Ridgemont's High, but at least it's got Clint Howard and The Ramones. The Ramones, by the way, display some terrific acting chops. Dee Dee Ramone was so bad that his lines were reduced to "Alright! The pizza's here!" but I can't imagine he's much worse than Joey Ramone who mumbles unintelligibly during his scenes. They get their chance to perform a ton of songs though, so if you're a fan, this is worth checking out. A couple of the songs work like music videos, especially during their first appearance when they show up in their "tour bus," a convertible in which they sit like only punk rockers could. There's also quite a bit of concert footage, and you've got to love a band with a lead singer who needs subtitles for the lyrics. Despite the solid analogy comparing punk rock haters to Nazis with the calling of Principal Togar's plan the "Final Solution," this is really like cartoon punk, almost like Disney decided to make a punk rock movie. Other than The Ramones, the characters aren't especially memorable, and the humor falls completely flat in this low-budget flick. Roger Corman produced.

Superman II

1980 sequel

Rating: 14/20 (one point lower than the first one; I had to change the first one to a 15/20 to make that happen)

Plot: After a lengthy recap of the first movie (Superman: The Movie), it's revealed that the nuclear bomb Superman hurled into space exploded and made the three leather-clad villains from Krypton 3-D again. They come to the first planet with one sun, conveniently the same planet that Superman is on, in order to rule. Meanwhile, Superman is keeping very busy with his goal of trying to get into Lois Lane's pants. (SPOILER ALERT!) It works, and she understands exactly what all that Man of Steel stuff is all about if you know what I mean. You're a mature reader, so I'm pretty sure you do! Lex Luther escapes from prison and tries to hook up with the visitors, each with Superman's powers, while Superman himself actually makes the decision to give up his powers, presumably because of the sex.

1) What the hell? My memory must be terrible because I do not remember that Superman FLIES AROUND THE WORLD REALLY FAST TO REVERSE TIME in this sequel just like he did in the first movie. Come on! They thought that was a good enough idea to use twice?

2) I completely forgot to mention this in my review of Warning from Space, but there's an idea from that movie that had to have been stolen by the Superman people for both of these Superman movies. You know the hula hoops that are used to imprison the leather-clad bad guys on Krypton? That identical image is used in Warning from Space!

3) Speaking of the leather-clad bad guys, they're the antagonists in this one. They're cool. Marlon Brando alludes to Irsa's perversions within a minute and a half of this one. What a tease! I really like Terence Stamp (The Collector and Phantom Menace, the best of the Star Wars movies) as General Zod, especially at the end of one scene where he seems to have forgotten the rest of his line and just decides to yell his name. "Zod!" Irsa's cool, too. The thug with the menacing beard doesn't say anything, but the other two have some great lines. I especially like the scenes involving their acclimation with their new home. And Zod's response to Perry Mason's warning that there's a man who'll never kneel ("Who is this imbecile?") is really great.

4) The special effects are good. I especially like the scene that takes place on the moon. There are two scenes as embarrassing as the scene with rubber-legged Clark racing the train though. Both involve somebody falling, the first Lois Lane after she stupidly leaps from the window to test her theory that Clark is Superman (Why didn't she just toss Jimmy out?) and the second when a boy falls at Niagara. Is that even possible by the way?

5) Speaking of Lois-jumping-from-the-window scene: Wouldn't she have suffered some awful injuries bouncing off a canopy onto a vegetable stand?

6) One more thing about that scene: I love Clark Kent's answer to his boss's question about where Lois Lane went. "She just stepped out." There are a lot of really funny lines in this movie, and a lot of humor that just falls completely flat. The NASA guy's line about somebody turning on a hair dryer after the tragedy on the moon was really bad. I expected a second NASA guy to turn to him and say, "Too early, NASA guy. Too early."

7) There's a "flying date" reprise, or at least the threat of one, but it's sans the bad poetry so that's ok. There's also a scene where the bearded guy flies with Lex Luther which is likely the hottest scene in the history of superhero movies.

8) As I said earlier, some of the comic relief in this works great. I still love the stuff with Otis and Lex and later with Ms. Teschmacher and Lex, but both of those characters (the ones not named Lex) aren't in the movie very long. Ms. Teschmacher flushing a toilet at Superman's ice house is pretty funny though.

9) Once Zod(!), perverse Irsa, and Beardo arrive on earth, they run into a couple cops who get some great lines. "Hey, hippies, get off the road!" is my favorite line in the movie. What the hell would make that guy think they're hippies? And then his partner used the exclamation "Holy skunk sweat!" which almost made me want to attack my neighbor with hedge clippers.

10) The scene where Clark Kent gets beat up is hard to watch. These truck drivers had to think that Clark Kent was the biggest pansy in the world. "M-m-my blood. My blood." At least he wasn't wearing the tights.

11) Oh, my favorite line in this or any other movie that has ever been made: Lex Luther's "Funny is a person trying to smile without any teeth."

12) This is a thinly-veiled propaganda piece about the evils of premarital sex or, to put it less controversially, a commercial for abstinence.

13) Everything Marlon Brando or his giant head says or does in this movie is goofy. When he's combining Kryptonean philosophy with Beach Boys lyrics, things just get ridiculous.

14) Favorite scene: The top of the Empire State Building has been laser-eyed off and is falling to the street below! What's a guy standing below do in response? Turn his back and cover up his head, of course! That'll save him!

15) I love the product placement in this. I'm not sure why Marlboro and Coca Cola thought that people would want to rush out and buy their products just from watching a superhero or super villain fly through one of their signs. And when Superman ludicrously flies around the earth really fast and repairs the Coca Cola sign? I'm sure there's a pro-capitalism subtext there to go along with the abstinence message.

16) This movie ends with a bang like all good superhero action movies should--Clark Kent back in the restaurant taking care of a truck driver who mistreated him earlier in the movie. Reeve's delivery of a line about how he's never seen "garbage eating garbage before" is delivered with such gusto that the man should win some kind of posthumous lifetime achievement award where the audience at the awards event is forced to watch a loop of him saying that line for at least two hours. I'm not even kidding.

17) This isn't as good as the first Superman movie. Some of the whimsy and novelty is gone, and although the big fight scene with the bad guys is pretty exciting, it's almost numbed by some of the goofiness that takes place afterward.

18) Oh, one more question: How did Lex Luther know about the relationship between Lois and Superman?

19) Marlon Brando's chest "S" still bugs me.

Take the Money and Run

1969 comedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Virgil Starkwell is a career criminal. Unfortunately for him, he's terrible at it. The inept bungling burglar finds love but can't find a way out of his life of crime which humorously makes things difficult for him. He also looks a lot like Woody Allen.

There are some very funny moments in this faux-documentary--"gub," a scene with a ventriloquist dummy, a bad spit shine, a cellist in a marching band, glass theft. I'm bugged that Woody can't keep documentary consistency and loses cohesion because of it. There are scenes with multiple cameras, and more than likely, the events being captured wouldn't even have one camera. The typically absurdist slant is mostly fun, and even though this isn't exactly a Woody Allen classic, it's still worth the time.

Natural Born Killers

1994 Oliver Stoned movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Mickey and Mallory haven't enjoyed the easiest lives. None of that matters, however, after they meet and fall in love. They marry and take a romantic road trip for their honeymoon.

This is one of those movies like Team America: World Police, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, The Happening, The Life Aquatic, and Punch Drunk Love, the type of movie that I really like but have to answer a scrunched-up face asking, "What? You like that movie?" whenever I mention it. It's wildly imperfect. And Oliver Stone takes so many chances and dicks around so much that it winds up looking, at times, like the cinematic equivalent to vomit. But I really like what this movie says (about society's sick attachment to violence, the way the media feeds that monkey, our willingness to consume crap, the power of love) and I have to respect a movie that takes these kind of chances. When I saw this in the theater, it was so unlike anything I had ever seen. Tinted film, cameras askew, distorting faces, psychedelic imagery, grotesque visuals piled on top of grotesque visuals, the ornery and almost irrational switching from different color film to black and white and back again, headache-inducing tomfoolery. I was mesmerized then and still am when I watch this one. It's completely over the top, but it needs to be over the top. From the beginning bit of darker-than-darkly comic ultraviolence that introduces the two killers to the scenes with Mallory's family and her abusive father (genius casting of Rodney Dangerfield) that parodies a situational comedy complete with canned laughter to the amazingly ludicrous prison escape, it's impossible to take your eyes off the screen. Is it too much for most people? I'd have trouble arguing that it's not excessive. There's far too much going on in scenes. It's an assault on the senses. Your poor inebriated eyes want to separate to watch what's going on in different parts of the screen. Your ears are attacked by what sounds like multiple songs being played at once (which is what literally is happening at one point). Speaking of the soundtrack, it's just as uneven as the movie, but there are some really interesting choices, and this was my introduction to Leonard Cohen. If I remember correctly, Trent Reznor had something to do with the soundtrack. The performances are nearly perfect from top to bottom. I remember how shocked I was seeing Woody Harrelson who I only knew as Woody from Cheers. Nothing will make me like Juliette Lewis, but I can't think of anybody else who could have been as effective as Mallory. Tom Sizemore injects just the right amount of creep to his performance, and Robert Downey Jr. out Geraldoes Geraldo. And Tommy Lee Jones' performance as the warden just might be one of my favorite performances ever. It's one of those complete transformations and so over the top. Jones is constantly threatening to cross what must be a really thin line between mad genius and what-the-heck-is-this-over-acting-bozo-doing territory. The actors really look like they're having a blast making this movie. So much of Natural Born Killers is just plain wrong, and while I'd never blame anybody for not liking it, I can't help digging it. Definitely the feel-good movie of 1994!

Please use the comment feature below to ask "What? You like this movie?" and tell me how it makes you think of the words "cinematic vomit" when you think about it.

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

2008 documentary

Rating: 16/20

Plot: All about the volatile America of the 60s and 70s and the vanguard journalist/counter-cultural voice who was at the heart of it all. This covers the Hell's Angels writings which got him on the map, his writing for Rolling Stone, his running for sheriff of Aspen, his attempts to search for the American dream in Las Vegas, his unique coverage of the 1972 presidential campaign, and his failure to complete his assignment to write about a boxing match between Ali and some guy who makes grills. Hunter does some drugs, shoots some guns (once at himself), and wreaks some serious havoc.

The title is accurate because even though the focus is on the good doctor, it does a great job of interweaving the cultural happenings that stirred his emotions and kept his fingers tapping on that typewriter. There's a ton of archival footage mixed in with famous people lovingly (though not ignoring the man's flaws) sharing anecdotes that shape Thompson as both a writer and a human being. The filmmakers also do a terrific job of using a lot of Thompson's own words, some in the doctor's own voice and some read by others, including Johnny Depp. The amount of music used in this, although it does aid in the creation of a timeline, is overwhelming and oppressive, and the large chunk of Thompson's funeral shown at the end kind of cheapens things. Hunter S. Thompson, whether you like him or agree with his lifestyle and philosophies or not, is such an intriguing personality that it's impossible not to be entertained by his story. This documentary tells that story really well. It also made me want to read some Hunter S. Thompson!

Dumb and Dumber

1994 comedy

Rating: 9/20

Plot: Harry and Lloyd (Harold Lloyd?) are two idiots who dream of opening up their own pet store. Unfortunately, they can't keep jobs and are having trouble saving up the money. One day, Lloyd drops off a beautiful woman at the airport. When he sees that she forgets her briefcase, he retrieves it. The friends make plans to drive a dog van to Aspen to find the woman and give her back her briefcase. Hot on their (in this case literal) tail are a couple criminals who also want the briefcase. When they get to Aspen, a love triangle develops.

Anne McInslop is the person with whom I have been friends the longest. She likes W.C. Fields and the Marx Brothers, and when she was shocked that I had never seen her favorite movie, Dumb and Dumber, I figured it was probably worth checking out. As a result, our friendship is now over. Jim Carrey is very Jim Carrey in this role. He's good at this sort of thing even if I don't think this sort of thing is anything worth being good at. He's made a ton of money doing exactly that sort of thing, so I doubt anything he might read here will hurt his feelings. The comedy is just loudly juvenile and too obvious. Jeff Daniels completely transforms himself here and does a good enough job, but I can tell during a few scenes in this movie that he's regretting the decision to do take this part. You can see it in his eyes. I see those eyes every day when I look in a mirror at school, so I know exactly what regretful eyes look like. I had two good laughs--one during their protagonists' rendition of "Mama's Gonna Buy You a Mockingbird" and another after a line about John Denver. But there were far more moments that gave me good groans. I'm not attempting to think of this in the context of the mid-90's. Maybe diarrhea was original and funny fifteen years ago. To make matters worse, this movie also has a real pet peeve of mine--Harland Williams. I don't know what it is about him (it might be the sideburns), but whenever I see him, I want to punch the screen. A good friend, it seems, would know that. You hear that, Anne McInslop? A good friend would know that!

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

2006 comedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Borat, Kazakhstan's number one journalist, is sent to America to film a documentary on what makes the country so great. He falls in lust with Pamela Anderson after catching an episode of Baywatch on a hotel television and sets out for Los Angeles to find her.

On the one hand, this makes the misanthropic half of me laugh more than anything else. Attacks on idiocy, brutal satire, jabs of irony. On the other hand, there's something so hateful about a lot of this, and it's often unnecessarily crude. On the one hand, I really love the interaction with the actual, unsuspecting masses--the rodeo crowd, the guy trying to teach Borat how to tell jokes, the gun store owner, the used car salesman. On the other hand, the Pamela Anderson plot is cheesy and low-brow and pointless. On the one hand, Cohen's probably a genius and would have been deserving of a best actor nomination for this largely-improvised role. On the other hand, I really didn't need to see his ass. I like Borat and I'll likely see it lots more times and I look forward to seeing the new one with the gay character, but when I think about how good this movie should have been, it really annoys me. Channel it, Borat!

Contempt

1963 Godard drama

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A screenwriter is summoned to Italy by an American producer to work on an artsy German screened version of The Odyssey directed by Fritz Lang. The writer's wife accompanies him, and artistic and personal tensions begin to take a toll on the marriage.

This is the least adventurous Godard movie I've seen, and I'm really not sure I'm smart enough to have even watched it. There are some film and literary references I don't really get. I'm still trying to make connections between the voyage of Ulysses and the disintegrating marriage in Contempt, and I'm also not completely sure what Godard is trying to say about the cinema with this. I am smart enough to lust after Brigitte Bardot, however. I can handle that. This movie's broken into three parts--an exposition where the beginnings of a conflict between the husband and wife fester, a long argument that takes place in the couple's apartment, and a trip to the producer's home. It's the middle section that really stands out here. Several long takes are used to show the couple almost in real time, and there's a rhythm to the dialogue that is just perfect. It's an emotionally exhausting scene, and Godard uses the walls of the apartment and the decor to frame the actors and represent their conflict visually. All dialogue, but there's a choreography that makes it almost like a fist fight. It's a fantastic long scene, and Michel Piccoli and Bardot come across as very real and natural in it. There's another great scene near the end where the screen is almost split in half by the geography--Piccoli sulks on a gray hillside while Bardot swims in pure blue waters. Naked. And I've got to say, Bardot isn't just mesmerizing physically here. Her performance is equally mesmerizing, and there's a mystery to her character that is very appealing. Jack Palance and Fritz Lang are also terrific as the jerk-off producer and as, well, Fritz Lang. Neither of them are naked though. Although I'm not sure I like how it ended, I thought this was a well-written and brilliantly acted story that puts the viewer right in the center of a flawed protagonist's artistic and marital struggles.

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy

1996 dopiness

Rating: 12/20

Plot: Scientist Dr. Chris Cooper is working on a pill that cures depression. When the pharmaceutical company bosses start making budget cuts left and right, Cooper feels forced to release his drug even though he and his team are really still in the experimentation stages. The drug works by causing the depressed to focus on their happiest memory and the pharmaceutical company makes a zillion dollars even, to the delight of the company's president, outselling penicillin. Unfortunately, things might be too good to be true.

The Kids' first and only movie has its moments, and it is fun to watch the five of them playing about thirty different roles. The story's strong enough and the satire clicks, both which separate this from a movie inspired by a Saturday Night Live sketch, but the writing is a little too ADHD. Tangents, tangents, tangents. Focus was needed to stretch the idea into a coherent hour and a half. Of course, some of the most random bits are also the funniest bits, so what do I know? Some of the comedy falls flat, and there are a lot of minor characters I really would have liked to see more. I bet they really dig this in Canada!

EDIT: Recommended by my sister-in-law, not my brother as earlier reported. She told me today that I need to see it multiple times.

Apollo 13

1995 movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A sequel to the box office flop Apollo 12, this episode in the series features our three heroes--Roy Davenport, Sebastian Futon, and Rocko Picnic--as they travel to the distant conical planet called Borkenloaf to attempt the rescue of the American president from the clutches of space monkeys who are repeatedly and ingeniously molesting him with tobacco-stained gloves and extraterrestrial prods. The problem is that Borkenloaf is so far away (nearly 1,200 miles!) and they are without a spacecraft (destroyed in the final moments of Apollo 11 during the climactic space tornado scene) and must walk instead. "Chin up," says Picnic. "You weren't chosen for this mission because you're a God damn puss." They must tangle with space squid, space centipedes (later, a video game), and space koala bears along the way. Conflicts arise when Davenport finishes off the last of the potato salad and Futon is accused of deeds of which only Futon could be accused. Can the astronauts settle their differences in time to work together to save the president? Will a figure from Davenport's checkered past threaten the mission? Will this movie make enough money to justify an Apollo 14? Based on a true story.

I don't hate Tom Hanks. Not at all. But I do have a problem with him that is really hard to articulate. The only way I can put it is that he is just too Tom Hanksy. This isn't a bad movie. But like Tom Hanks, this movie is just too much a movie. I don't know if it's due to spoilers or with what I thought was sterile direction, but I was never moved by anything that was happening on the screen and never on the edge of my seat. There was a moment in this when what was happening on the spacecraft got kind of boring, probably because the movie was nearly six hours long, and the stuff on earth became more intriguing. Actually, now that I think about it, that stuff was probably always more intriguing. I was never able to empathize with the astronauts in this one except for maybe Sinise's character who was on earth anyway. This, like most movies based on historical events, would have been much better with puppets. But gosh, I hope we go back to the moon some day. I can't think of anything better to do with all of this money America has saved up.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2008 romantic comedy

Rating: 7/20

Plot: Heartbroken composer Peter Bretter takes a trip to Hawaii to try to forget his actress girlfriend Sarah Marshall. She happens to be there with her new rock star boyfriend which makes things difficult.

This wasn't funny. And I can find no reason why Jason Segel's penis needs to be on the screen multiple times. I guess you know you're in trouble when the best thing about the movie is Billy Baldwin. These movies from the guys who brought us The 40-Year-Old Virgin are getting tired. I did appreciate the puppets near the end though.

The Gambler

1974 drama

Rating: 10/20

Plot: A literature professor struggles with addiction and alienates his family and friends. He should learn a lesson when he finds himself drowning in a dangerous forty-four thousand dollar debt and has to have his mommy bail him out, but he goes right on gambling.

If only there were Oscars awarded for chest hair. This movie isn't very good; it's dated and overlong. It's one of those movies that threatens to end several times but then doesn't. I'm not saying a movie has to have a nice tidy tight resolution, but this one goes absolutely nowhere. The character doesn't get, learn, change, or anything. And that's a problem with a movie like this. He's not really likable, but he's not exactly unlikable all the time either. He's just kind of there, and I got really tired following him around after about an hour. The point was sort of driven home after ten minutes. I really didn't need the additional hour and a half.

The Luzhin Defense

2000 drama

Rating: 13/20

Plot: Aleksandr [sic] Luzhin is a brilliant and passionate chess player but has almost no ability to live any semblance of a normal life beyond the 64 squares of a chessboard or interact with anybody not made of wood. That is until he meets Natalia, the eccentric-lovin' daughter of wealthy parents, during the preliminaries of a chess tournament in Italy. She's attracted to his erratic genius; he wants to get in her pants. Or nudge her with his bishop, promote his pawn, exploit her flanks, have her mount his knight, etc. Will his obsessions get in the way of his newfound happiness and his ability to win the tournament? And what about the bearded guy?

I had to give a bonus point because the chess was real. The play of the grandmasters might not have looked real. They played awfully fast, but of course, nobody wants to sit around watching characters pondering moves over a chess board for the time it would take to make it realistic. I almost always enjoy Turturro, and I like him here as the obsessive genius type he plays so well (see, Barton Fink). The other characters are all pretty flat, and the antagonist's motivation doesn't make a lick of sense to me. The ending was unexpected, but not necessarily in a good way. Actually, the last fourth of the movie was a flurry of plot twists and silliness that butted heads with the reflective tone of the first three-fourths. I should admit that I did at least like the characters enough to get a little emotional and tear up a little at the end.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dreamhouse

1948 comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: The Blandings live in a stuffed New York City apartment with not enough bathrooms and not enough closet space. While Mr. Blandings is shaving one day, a thought crosses his mind--he should kill his family for the insurance money. His wife is cheating on him with a 17 year old kid who dresses up like Uncle Sam and waves to people, and his two daughters, he suspects, are secretly plotting his death. The only thing stopping them, he imagines, is that they haven't found a method that will be both clean and excruciating. By the time he's finished shaving, he's abandoned the idea to kill his family and realizes that what the they actually need is a goat. A really good goat. Then he abandons that idea as well (for a while) and decides to buy an old fixer-upper in Connecticut. A house that needs fixed up. Not a goat. Problems with the new house and property arise and snowball, leading to what can only be described as a cliched 1940's Hollywood comedy murder/suicide. R.I.P. Mr. Blandings. R.I.P. goat.

This is one of several movies my father claims is his favorite. It's cute enough and there are some mildly funny moments. I thought the entire subplot involving his suspicions of infidelity were superfluous. If my neck didn't hurt, I'd give this movie a 15.

24: Redemption

2008 television movie

Rating: I don't know. Dylan said 12/20. That seems pretty good. 12/20

Plot: Jack Bauer, in Africa hiding from the feds, needs cash. He decides product placement will do the trick and makes a deal with Nextel. Meanwhile, there are children who need saved.

I wasn't going to count this toward the goal of 365, but as Jack Bauer would say--I'm running out of time! It was fine as a transition between seasons of a television show, but it doesn't work as a stand-alone movie like Fox would want you to believe. It did seem to have less of the flaws of the regular show, and it was good to have the protagonist focused on one thing instead of worrying about his love life. Nothing new, but nothing awful either.