The Junkman

1982 car crash porn

Rating: 12/20

Plot: What better way to summarize the plot than to just steal the chapter titles? So, here it goes: Opening credits, the set up, riverbed chase, assassin plan, James Dean Festival, lady with a gun, who shot the sheriff, plane attack point, point blank shooting, wrapped around a tree, crashing front ends, smashing traffic, big wreck, crashing pig man, shooting from plane, flying through James Dean, over the cliff, plane crashing, flipping car, flying over plane, blowing up a house, gun shots in collection, blowing up cars, chasing Corvette, on top of cars, church lady, Goodyear Blimp landing, roof top fight, bombs away, end credits.

And with that, you literally get a chapter that almost sets everything up, a stunt scene while the main character finishes filming his movie, and then 45+ relentless minutes of car crashes. This movie boasts (both on the cover and in an introduction by the widow of the star/writer/director H.B. Halicki) that it's in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most car crashes. Plot? You don't need a stinkin' plot! It's the pointlessly repetitious twisting of metal, an orgy of crashes, boisterous and nearly pornographic, the sort of thing that forces you to say, "Dude!" with an emphasis on the first vowel sound. Duuuuuuuuude! It's jaw-droppingly stupid. In the late Halicki's defense, he's really good at that sort of thing. The first half of this film is really a lot of fun, and the crashes and stunts are shot well. Then, the movie dive-bombs like a plane being flown by a man trying to drop hand grenades on racing vehicles as Halicki probably said, "Whoops! We forgot to put a story in here!" and re-sets-up everything. And the movie can't find its momentum again, the perfect example of a film that shoots its proverbial wad far too early, a cinematic premature ejaculator. By the time the main character is leaping from the Goodyear Blimp, you're just wishing he was back in that car again, slamming into mailboxes that for whatever reason stick to the hood of his car, saying cool things to himself, showing off his sideburns, and occasionally leaping over flying planes in slow-mo. My favorite quote: A policeman says, "My unit is on fire!" which sounds painful enough. There's also a great scene where the cars chase each other through a James Dean Festival, and as the cars are departing, a guy hurls a rock at one of them. My favorite character though is the "eccentric pig farmer" in ill-fitting cut-off shorts. Every moment he's on the screen is movie magic. He's played by Ronald Halicki, prospective Torgo Award winner. Hmm. I wonder if he's related to the director.