Eegah

1962 masterpiece

Rating: 2/20

Plot: In a world where people don't move their lips when they talk, there's a giant caveman loose in the desert. He grunts "Eegah!" a few times, so everybody assumes that's his name because, you know, people usually go around saying their own names over and over again. A guy who claims to be a scientist, his daughter, and her rock 'n' rolling dune-buggy driving beau investigate.

The worst caveman movie I've seen all year, Eegah approaches a Manos or Yucca Flats level of ineptitude. The main issue is probably the sound. This might in fact be the worst sound editing in the history of cinema, and not just movies with caveman. It's almost like all the characters are ventriloquists with their volume rising and falling inexplicably. The best example is when the characters are following some footprints and this voice from the heavens, one that doesn't sound like any of the characters, warns, "Watch out for snakes!" while none of their mouths move. Eegah's grunts don't match his lips either, but the craziest sound problem is when Tommy (played by Arch Hall Jr. [the film was directed by Arch Hall Sr. by the way]) plays his guitar. He sings almost enough songs for this to qualify as one of the worst musicals ever (definitely the worst musical with a caveman), most of them as a serenade to his girlfriend Roxie even though he sings about somebody named Valerie in a couple of them. If you're keeping score at home, you shouldn't. Anyway, when Arch Hall Jr. plays his guitar and sings, a full ghost band accompanies him. He's got drums, background vocals, piano. Neat trick, Tommy! Eegah does have a bitchin' dune buggy in it. I know some of my readers are interested in dune buggies. In fact, this has the best scene featuring a caveman chasing a dune buggy with a stick that I'll probably ever seen. There's another great scene where Tommy and Roxie (or, more accurately, people who sort of look like Tommy and Roxie) are riding around the desert looking for her father, and Roxie keeps saying, "Whee! Whee!" Whee? They might have said that in the 1950s, Roxie, but this film was made in '62! This movie ends with a character talking about how giants must exist because they're written about in the Bible. I'm sure Bill Maher would have questions about that one.

Eegah, by the way, is played by 7'2" Richard Kiel who would use Eegah as a springboard to bigger and better things. Aside from playing Jaws in the James Bond movie, Kiel would get several opportunities to play thugs, tall goons, swamp monsters, tall men, and strong men.