1982 action thriller
Rating: 5/20 (Fred: 4/20 or a 2/20; Jeremy: 6/20; Josh: 3/20; Libby: must have fallen asleep)
Plot: We failed to find one. Something about the titular unit of soldiers being sent in with all their bitchin' gadgets to stop evil people from doing something evil.
It's hard to dislike a movie that Barry Bostwick so enthusiastically starred in. Bostwick and his light blue headband and camel toe! Now, I consider anybody involved with Bad Movie Club to be reasonably intelligent. They're all smarter than me at least. I know that. But even with our combined intellect, we couldn't figure out what was going on in this movie. There are people in spandex bodysuits, painted dune buggies and motorcycles, some helicopters, and a ton of explosions. I know explosions can't be weighed, and that you can't actually have a ton of them, but trust me--there were a ton of explosions. It's almost like they got a guy to handle the explosions--a pyrotechnician, I suppose--and he was really serious about his job while everybody else just stood around. Except for Barry Bostwick. That guy was practicing his lines in front of a mirror and checking to make sure his coiffure was perfect. Like this:
You might be asking yourself (if you've never caught this gem) what the hell Bostwick is doing with his thumb. I'm not going to tell you, partially because it's not something that can be fully understood by mere mortals (aka, people who aren't Barry Bostwick), but just understand that it's something awesome. And if I had female readers, I realize how dangerous it would be just throwing that picture out there like that, but at least I have the common sense to spare you the crotch. Anyway, I've distracted myself with Barry Bostwick. We were talking about the explosions guy. He was serious about his job and raring to go. Everybody else said, "Well, we don't really have anything that movies typically have like a plot, characterization, good dialogue, or logic. But you know what? This is 1982, and movies in 1982 can survive on explosions alone!" and started rolling. The result? Ninety minutes of explosions leading to one of the most incredible action sequences you will ever see involving one Barry Bostwick on a flying motorcycle. And no, I couldn't type that without ejaculating a little bit. You couldn't either.
These comments from Bad Movie Clubbers might paint a more coherent picture of what this movie is about than I can:
Fred: "Mega-clueless about what's going on."
Me: "We really should have started counting the explosions from the beginning."
Josh: "Is this the A-Team music?" (Note: It wasn't, but it might as well have been.)
Fred: "Are we sure this is a bad movie? So far, I'm riveted!"
Jeremy: "What you can't learn from the chest you can learn from the penis." (Note: I have no idea what he's talking about, but you don't really need context for something like that.)
Libby: "There's something very Chewbacca about Barry's doo..."
Josh: "This is how I reveal all of my erections to my wife. Shadow puppet style."
Jeremy: "A man who would cheat at chess is capable of ANYTHING!" (Note: I put that here because it reminded me that this movie might have the worst fake chess I've ever seen.)
Fred: "Good lord that's a lot of switches."
Josh: "I like that Megaforce has matching painted vehicles...and ridiculously skin-tight matching jump suits. That's the sign of an impressive force: color coordination."
Ok, that wasn't coherent either. Here's my advice if you want to know anything about this movie: Just stare at the poster up there for about ten minutes. You'll understand everything you need to know. Don't watch the movie expecting to see a helicopter with shag carpet because that will only end in disappointment.
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