Mystery Fest: Godzilla

1998 reboot

Rating: 10/20

Plot: The titular reptile wreaks havoc on America's East Coast. Will they stop him in time for the end credits?

Cory didn't like the Godzilla movie I watched on his birthday, so I decided to double down and check out this late-20th Century version that he also doesn't like. At least I don't think he likes it. No fan of the lovable beast seems to like it, and during the first half an hour or so, I had trouble understanding why. "What is wrong with these Godzilla aficionados?" I asked as I enjoyed the opening credits which allow you to piece together an exposition with tiny Godzillas looking bemused by mushroom clouds all in yellow and brown tones and the first appearance of Godzilla--mostly just his feet--which combines some really good special effects and camera angles with people actually in peril rather than just running away and screaming with the monster in the background like the Japanese people usually do. Those cars bouncing with Godzilla's massive footsteps, shots of people carrying black umbrellas, and those glimpses and near glimpses of the reptile? I was digging it and wondered why others didn't. And I love that only-in-a-big-action-movie scene with Joe the fisherman fighting with what he thinks is a big catch while this overly-dramatic music plays. The post-destruction scenes with smoldering buildings and a building with a Godzilla-shaped hole with all those helicopters flying around Manhattan are also really well done. Unfortunately, it all goes downhill once you get that money shot and realize that Godzilla looks pretty stupid. I think the designers out-thunk themselves with this one, and it's hard to see the monster they present here and understand why they even called the thing Godzilla. Eventually, it turns into a bunch of mini-Godzillas instead of one giant Godzilla, and the special effects get sillier and sillier until Matthew Broderick, like he thinks he's in a Doctor Who episode or something, is knocking over gumball machines and basketballs in Market Square Arena so that the baby reptile monsters fall down as they chase him. The CGI effects, though sometimes pretty impressive for the late-90s, don't always create fake things that mesh well with the real things. And the worst scene of this movie is where the characters are in a taxi cab that ends up inside Godzilla's mouth. It's an example of where a stupid idea meets stupid execution to create a perfect storm of stupid. The characters in this are almost all unlikable, mostly because they're really bland. I really didn't care what any of the characters were doing, and I didn't like a single scene where humans were interacting with other humans. I didn't understand or care about what Jean Reno was trying to accomplish in this, thought the romantic subplot was forced, and was just annoyed at Hank Azaria who wasn't nearly as good here as he was in The Smurfs. I do like a scene where he takes a photograph of Godzilla's taint though. And I also like how Broderick's character's knowledge of earthworms factored into things so much. "You know, when I had to catch earthworms. . ." is a line that should have been interrupted with a firm "What the hell are you even doing in this movie?" I did kind of enjoy the score as much as you can enjoy a big summer blockbuster score although it was a little too in-your-face at times.

What's this movie about? They mayor puts it best when he says, "You've caused more damage than that god-damned beast did!" This seems to have a moral that has to do with the military in a more general way than the Japanese movies. But don't let me trick you into thinking there's anything intelligent about this movie because there's not. It occasionally looks pretty good and has one or two scenes that are borderline thrilling, but it's not nearly as entertaining or endearing as the older Godzilla movies. It's flashier and louder, however, if that's your thing.