Special Post: The Neighbors

201 television sitcom

Rating: n/r

Plot: The lives and shenanigans of tenants in an apartment building.

Four episodes of this were unleashed this weekend, apparently because God and/or Hulu love us. They've threatened to release eight more sometime this summer. I can't wait.

Somewhere, I read a little review of this--Tommy Wiseau's sitcom and follow-up to his masterpiece, The Room--and it was all about how the man responsible for the worst movie has now made the worst sitcom. And I thought, "Nah, that's just a writer trying to be clever." I figured this would be too self-referential, and that Wiseau, especially after trying to convince people that The Room was an intentional comedy rather than what we all know it really is, was out to make something intentionally terrible in an effort to cash in on his infamy. And while that very well might be the case (I doubt it though), its ineptitude is so masterful, almost awe-inspiring. It's outsider art from quite possibly the greatest of all outsiders, almost poetic in its incompetence. Wiseau's apparently been working on this for eight years, but it seems like it was made in about a week and a half. It's awful, deliriously awful. However, I was enormously entertained, far more entertained that any sitcom I've seen since Three's Company.

Here's the progression of my moods from the moment Bad Movie Club member Johnny alerted me to these to the moment I finished them early this morning:

1) Unbridled excitement--boner-makin' excitement--that I disguised as cautious optimism
2) Confusion
3) Utter disbelief, with a sort-of is-this-really-happening open-mouthed stupor
4) A slightly more uncomfortable confusion
5) A giggle-filled feeling of spiritual calm
6) Complete euphoria
7) Something else that a word hasn't been invented for yet

Part of me didn't want there to be any more Wiseau productions. I was content with seeing him pop up here or there in other people's projects, and I just knew that it wasn't possible to repeat the magic of The Room. Something like The Room is a once-in-a-lifetime work of art. There's no way any other Wiseau production can be anything but a disappointment, right? Well, with The Neighbors, Wiseau does for situational comedy what he did for tragedy with his feature-length film. If he tackles an Alexander the Great biopic or something next, he can hit the history/tragedy/comedy trifecta and be the 21st Century version of Shakespeare. And no, this isn't The Room. Nothing is. But by the time I got to the end of these four episodes, I had learned that there's room (no pun intended) for a lot more Wiseau in my life. This isn't The Room, but it's something very special, and I'm glad I will have the opportunity to watch this over and over again in some insane way of trying to unlock its many mysteries.

The insanity starts with episode one, "Meet the Neighbors," a 32-minute gut punch of free-form randomness and accidental absurdism. I think any discussion has to start with Wiseau's hair. I mean, you expect Tommy to say something like "vulnar language" in a scene, but nothing can set you up for the experience of seeing that hair. There's light racism, a chicken, and Tommy Wiseau underwear product placement. And there's the introduction of The Neighbors' catchphrase, it's "Book 'Em, Dano" or "Did I do that?" or "Nanu nanu" or "Up your nose with a rubber hose"--"What a day." That's it. Just "what a day," usually delivered four or five times per scene by Wiseau's Charlie the manager character or his assistant. In this episode, there's a running gag about borrowing 20 dollars that made me feel like the dumbest person alive because I couldn't understand why that would be funny. It was like something the Marx Brothers would have come up with if they were all brain damaged. You learn that you gotta keep your salt and pepper in separate jars. You see a guy with a chicken catching a pair getting ready to get busy in a "laundry room" and delivering this fantastic "Whoa! You guys were having fun!" like you'd expect a 7-year-old to react. There's a fight scene, during the weird scene where some edgy racial humor is attempted, with a rapper who lives in apartment 666 and an Asian guy who's really having trouble keeping a straight face. But the best performances, along with Tommy's, belong to a pothead and Cici, the woman who apparently owns the chicken. She's Pamelia Bailey, my new favorite actress, and this is apparently her first acting gig. The pothead has his moments, including where he regrets "selling" a gun to another tenant with an over-the-top "What did I do? I'm an idiot! Ahhh! Ahhh! I'm ok," but Cici's just insanely bad. That freak-out in the hallway and the accusation "You want to have sex with it!" (yes, about her chicken) are just the kinds of things that make life worth living.

Best moment from episode one: It's got to be Tommy Wiseau as Ricky Rick, his other character who I believe is supposed to be a teenager. Yes, that's right. Wiseau plays two characters in this. There's a moment featuring a crotch grab and one of the most beautifully-written lines that you'll ever hear that made the eight-year wait for this sitcom worth it. If Can't Stop the Music wouldn't have already succeeded in making me gay, hearing Tommy talk about his gun would have done it.

In episode 2 ("Princess Penelope Arrives"), we finally get to hear that creepy Wiseau laugh, the kind of thing that will haunt your dreams. But in a good way. And Tommy takes off his shirt exposing some arms that look like they've undergone torture of some kind. In episode 2, things get oddly patriotic, but only that type of patriotism that Wiseau can deliver where the British are criticized, apparently because they "think they own everything." Oh, and there's a rendition of "God Bless America" that would likely make eagles and Native Americans cry. "God bless America. . .home sweet home. . .da da da whatever." Andrew Buckley, Troy the pot dealer, continues to be gloriously bad, especially with a reaction to a menage a trois idea that followed what was obviously an embarrassing attempt by Wiseau to include lesbianism in his sitcom. There's a scene with a flasher that, unless it's going to be alluded to in episodes 5-12, had nothing to do with anything. It did give Cici a reason to say (possibly improvise) "Fifi? I'm Cici! That's Fifi!" And if you doubt Wiseau's ability to bring the flasher back into the story in a future episode, check out how he brings has a suicide flashback in this episode. Wiseau shows off an ability to weave in and out of all this human drama in a way that would make most storytellers envious.

Best moment from episode two: In any other episode of any other television series, it'd be the one where a guy makes a mess with some ice cream, the kind of scene that made me wonder if there was anything in this series that isn't completely pointless. But there's a scene in this with Troy the pothead and Cici where the former thinks a chicken is a tiger, and that scene has moved ahead of the birth of my firstborn on my list of most important moments of my life.

Episode 3 is called "Sliding Cake," a title that reminds me of a foreign poor translation of a movie title or something. It's like somebody with a limited vocabulary was forced to watch this episode, bludgeoned for a half an hour, and then told to title this with the first thing that popped into his head. The "sliding cake" is a reference to an epic party scene, the kind of thing you watch and almost wish could be the last thing you ever see. This is the episode where I started to realize just how oppressive the transition scenes--an exterior shot of an apartment building with some light techno music--were. There's more laundry room silliness, a cat fight, more Cici magic, and a character named Bebe's reaction to a surprise party that contains about the most horrifying scream I've ever heard. And there's also apparently a stuttering black guy who lives in the building. Oh, and more product placement, of course. I've got to buy a few pairs of those underpants, and yes, I will wear my pants low to show them off.

Best moment from episode III: It's got to be a flashback of the post gun-deal scene with Troy's "I'm ok."

And then it all ends (for now!) with episode four which, for reasons that are completely unclear to me, is called "Black vs. Yellow." Ricky Rick was the star of this episode, and it was during this one that I realized that character's jacket actually advertises the sitcom that he's a character in. There's one great moment where Ricky Rick says, "Wow. What a day," stealing Wiseau's other character's catch phrase. But he saves it with a "That's what Charlie would say." Ricky Rick also asks a character if she's a communist or a democrat and says, "Can I strangle you a little bit?" for no reason at all. Fidel Castro, a dickhead, makes an appearance, and most of the tenants come by Charlie the manager's office to sing "Frere a Jacque" because that's just the sort of thing people would actually do. And it was in episode four when I had my sitcom orgasm in a long time (last time was also Three's Company) when both of Tommy Wiseau's characters end up in the same scene, thanks to some truly magical special effects. It's was the best moment of my life.

Best moment from episode IV: What? It wasn't the double Wiseaus? No, it was not. It was a scene later when Ricky Rick keeps spitting water all over the place. Holy shit. What is going through this man's mind.

I'm not joking when I say that I don't think I'll be able to sleep until the next four episodes are released. In the meantime, I'll probably end up watching these a half dozen times.