13 Ghosts

1960 horror-comedy with really hard-to-see ghosts

Rating: 12/20

Plot: A family inherits a haunted house with 12 of the titular 13 ghosts. Luckily for them, they also inherited some special glasses that will allow them to see the ghosts. Then, Scooby Doo comes along and eats everything!

I wish William Castle was my grandpa. I don't even know why I want him to be my grandpa, but I do. 13 Ghosts starts with some of his goofball narration about the whole ghost-viewer gimmick, Illusion-O or whatever it's called. It's these glasses things where you use the red part to see the ghosts or the blue part to make the ghosts disappear. Or vice versa. I didn't pay much attention because I didn't have a ghost viewer. And that made it annoying when the words "Use Viewer" or "Remove Viewer" flashed on the screen. I could sort of see the ghosts at that time, but I had to squint, and I really only like squinting when I'm watching Clint Eastwood movies. I could hear the ghosts a little, too, despite any special ghost hearing aides. They sounded like cartoon chipmunks. The opening of this movie starts promising enough with some splashy paint effects and a picture that looks a little like Voldemort. The best part of the movie is about seven minutes in when a telegram guy (David Hoffman) slides on screen. It's easily the creepiest part of the movie. The housekeeper is played by the Wicked Witch herself, Margaret Hamilton, and although she's got the ears for the part, she looks bored out of her mind here. I did get to learn all about the Ouija Board in this. Yes, it's got one of those cliched Ouija Board (here pronounced Wee-Juh; have I been pronouncing it wrong all this time? It's not Wee-Gee?) scenes. Anyway, I did get to learn the etymology of Wee-Juh and the rule that it won't answer if you ask it a silly question. As a whole, this thing is weak on plot and gimmick and isn't successfully funny or scary.

Mr. Sardonicus

1961 Castle drama

Rating: 15/20

Plot: An ex-fling summons Dr. Cargrave to Gorstava, and he makes the trip because it sounds like she's in trouble. He encounters one-eyed butlers, leech-covered maids, mysterious masked hosts, tales of ghouls, pudding slurping, and torture chambers before being forced to perform an experimental operation on a disfigured grave robber. With any luck, he'll at least get laid in the end.

Pretty cool flick from the twisted mind of master showman William Castle. He starts the proceedings with a look at moody, fog-drenched London where he defines ghoul for his "homicidal friends" before launching into the narrative. Of course, it wouldn't be a William Castle joint if there wasn't some sort of gimmick, and this one involves a "Punishment Poll" in which the audience got to vote on whether or not the titular bad guy got a happy or unhappy ending. I'm pretty sure only one ending was filmed though, making Castle a big ol' liar. I'll forgive him though because the movie world is a better place with his movies. This would be your typical B-horror movie if not for a lot of really strange goings-on, including a scene where the one-eyed man talks to leeches. And watching the guy who played Baron Sardonicus deliver the majority of his lines behind an expressionless mask was off-putting. But Castle's films aren't just about strangeness and off-puttingness; it's the underlying dark, dark humor that really makes these worth watching. I really wish this guy's movies were easier to get my hands on.