Madagascar

2005 children's movie

Rating: 9/20 (Emma: 17/20; Dylan 11/20; Abbey 12/20)

Plot: A zebra is bored with life at a big city zoo. He tries to convince his friends--a hypochondriac giraffe, a vain lion, and a hippo without any personality at all--to flee with him to the wild, but they don't like the idea. He manages to escape on his own. They go after him, and an adventure begins!

I hated this. The animation is ugly and strangely flat, the characters are unlikable, the humor wasn't humorous, the attempts to entertain adults with pop culture references were forced, and the story was lame. At times, it seemed like this was written and directed by a child. Not even a very smart child. This never slows down and lets you take a breath, and instead of keeping a pace that is exciting and fun, it actually becomes really boring as a result. Madagascar is a movie that actually made me a little dizzy. I'm not sure how long the Dreamworks people spent on this, but they needed twice as long.

Night of the Ghouls

1959 Ed Wood movie

Rating: 2/20

Plot: There's strange goings-on out in the middle of nowhere. Two old travellers become either scared or amused depending on how you read their acting and report those strange goings-on to the po-po. Detectives are sent out to uncover the mysteries of a strange house and a phony spiritualist.

I've just gotta say that the scene in this movie with the fake seance is likely the best thing I've seen all year. Mute, motionless skeletons, a dancing trumpet, a disembodied head in blackface, stunned (maybe; the acting isn't very good) onlookers, a dancing ghost, terrible dialogue. It has been a while since I've seen Plan 9 from Outer Space, but this is possibly an even worse and therefore even more entertaining chunk of B-movie. So wrong that it's. . .well, it's still completely wrong. It's the very best kind of wrong though!

Fighting Elegy

1966 romantic drama

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Piano virtuoso (but only when he plays with his penis) Kiroku attends an Okayama middle school in 1930's Japan. He falls in love with Michiko, the daughter of a Catholic family who lives in the same house. Perhaps to hide his true feelings and his frequent unwanted erections, he focuses on picking fights with gangs and trying his best to break rules at school. He's expelled and moves away where he continues to pine for Michiko's piano.

This is more Seijun Suzuki, but it's such a different Seijun Suzuki that you might not even realize it. There's some flashes of Suzuki flare (most notably, a classroom scene and some shots that really couldn't have been anybody else's). I absolutely loved the comic fight scenes, completely baffling and unrealistic. Apparently, this is a satirical look at the youth of 1930's Japan, but I'm not nearly intelligent enough to "get" all that. This might not be as exciting as the other Suzuki movies I've seen, but it's worth the time.

Ball of Fire

1941 comedy

Rating: 13/20

Plot: Bertram Potts is one of eight professors working on an encyclopedia. Potts, who specializes in language, is working on an article about slang, but he doesn't know anything about it. He ventures out to find experts and comes across a nightclub singer who has ties to the mob. She initially refuses his request to help him with his slang article, but once she finds out the police are after her, she decides to hide out with Potts and his colleagues. She disrupts things.

Cute enough but too old-fashioned. There were times I almost wanted to laugh, but I would have had to laugh so politely that my wife would have suspected that I had become a homosexual. The writing isn't bad at all, but it's more clever than funny. Gary Cooper wasn't believable as the studious nerdy type, and none of the gangsters were very believable either. I did like Stanwyck's character, but during the second half of the movie, she either became a prop or just wasn't around much. This also suffers from having that 30s/40s tendency to tidy everything up, and mostly unrealistically make everything turn out happily. My biggest gripe, however is that if you're going to make an updated version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, you've got to include midgets. There's not a midget to be seen in this one.

This was another Cory recommendation.

Tears of the Black Tiger

2000 khao pad western

Rating: 14/20

Plot: It's a psychedelic eastern western love triangle! With spurts of blood! Dum and Rumpoey are childhood soul mates, but Rumpoey's father, the governor doesn't approve and arranges a marriage with policeman Kumjorn. Captain Kumjorn's got issues with a local gang led by the ruthless Fai. Dum, better known as Black Tiger, happens to be in that gang. Meanwhile, a jealous gunslinger in Fai's gang looks for a way to get rid of the Black Tiger and his stinkin' harmonica.

It's certainly a unique movie, borrowing from Leone and colorful Asian films and apparently Warner Brothers cartoons to create something that is simultaneously touching, action-packed, and cartoonishly goofy. Juggling all that isn't easy though, and the initial awe and novelty wears thin, especially during lengthy flashback scenes. The dizzying action, the use of painted backgrounds (see above), the cornball choreography of the gunfight scenes, and the gorgeous set pieces are terrific. But was it apparently too difficult to maintain. The dialogue is (probably deliberately) hokey, and the characters are (also probably deliberately) nothing more but character types, but this works as both parody and entertainment and is a lot of fun to watch if you've got a high tolerance for cheese. Peckinpah blood in a kaleidoscopic Old West. I'd definitely see it again!

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart in the Land of Demons

1973 chapter of the Lone Wolf and Cub series

Rating: 14/20

Plot: The Kuroda tribe seeks the wandering assassin's services and sends five representatives to challenge Itto to a fight. Defeated one-by-one, they reveal a piece of information required to accomplish the task and 1/5 of his payment. Then, he goes out and chops some heads off.

With a convoluted plot and a weird and strangely detached subplot involving Itto's son, this one appeared early to be the weakest of the series. It's saved by an absolutely brutal display of sword frenzy at the end as well as the earlier typically-great fight scenes. That climax though. Whoa, Nelly! The over-the-top bloodfest brought out both a laugh and a fist-pump, and that's really all a guy can ask for on Samurai Friday. Some funky camera angles are used in a scene that is otherwise a whole lot like that House of Blue Leaves scene in Kill Bill. A gripe: it seems like these films came out pretty rapidly which on the one hand enables the kid playing Daigoro to play him in each installment but on the other hand makes me wonder what this could have been with a little more time put into it. It's great stuff, but at times, there's some sloppiness. One more of these to go, and from the preview on this dvd, it looks like it can be summed up in two words--ninjas skiing. Booyah!

Betty Blue

1986 snooze fest

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Wannabe writer Zorg (?) and his title girlfriend struggle to make their relationship work despite financial troubles and the latter's mental illness. He gropes her and wanders around naked. She gets groped and walks around naked. Their travels take them from a seaside community where Zorg (?) works as a handyman to a town where they work at a pizzeria and finally to a new town where they run a piano store. She goes crazy, probably from all the excessive groping. Zorg!!

The French certainly have no problem with male full-frontal nudity. Maybe they should? I don't know about the theatrical version, but this director's cut seemed endless. The biggest problem for me is that it's like the makers of this couldn't decide what they wanted it to be, and so what it ends up being is whimsically tragic which just comes across as completely artificial. There were definitely things that were well done (I almost Freudian typo'd "well hung"), but overall, this just fails to add up to much of anything. Some beautiful things to look at (Betty Blue's breasts are all over the place!), but so much of the three hours just seemed extraneous. The length of Betty Blue sort of drains the life out of it. It's also that type of movie that actually has an odor. Literally! I never want to see this movie again. And please don't mention it to me.

Youth of the Beast

1963 yakuza movie

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Tough guy Jo joins two rival gangs Yojimbo-esquely in order to solve the mystery of the death of a pal and maybe avenge that death. Violence ensues.

This is the first of Suzuki's incomprehensible yakuza films, and it's cool that he came out swinging. It's more comprehensible than Branded or Drifter, but there's still enough flamboyance and visual flare here to make it completely obvious that it came from the mad mind of this one-of-a-kind director. Very 60's and very stylish (almost Bondish), Suzuki's got an eye for color and physical geometry. A final gunfight in a tortured setting, one in which our hero finds himself at an early disadvantage, and a much earlier scene involving a one-way glass and complete silence are so ingeniously shot that it gave me wood. Literally! Shapes within the sets are also used to frame characters or physically display the conflicts. Tricky? Sure. But it makes for a fun and fancy free violent romp that I'm sure Tarantino loves. Oh, and like the main guy in Branded to Kill, it looks as if this one might also have cheek implants. What the hell? I'm adding a cheek implant label in case I see Branded to Kill or Eraserhead or Alvin and the Chipmunks or U-Turn any time soon.

The Ten

2007 comedy

Rating: 9/20

Plot: Ten separate stories, one for each of the Ten Commandments. Narrated by Paul Rudd while struggling with the "adultery" commandment.

Poop! This is nowhere near consistently funny and is probably very close to what the writers of Saturday Night Live would come up with if television could be R-rated after 11:30. Gay jokes, poop jokes, prison rape jokes, ventures into the childishly absurd. There are funny bits, and I'm almost ashamed to say that I did laugh out loud a few times. Now, however, I can't remember what I could have possibly laughed about though. I will say that this will be worth wasting the 90-plus minutes if seeing Winona Ryder have sex with a ventriloquist dummy is something you've always wanted to see. It was definitely on my list! Poop!!! LOL!

Brand upon the Brain!

2006 magically realistic silent dramedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Guy Maddin (the movie's director), summoned by his dying mother, returns to the island on which he grew up in order to paint the lighthouse his parents used as both an orphanage and a laboratory for bizarre experiments with anti-aging treatments. While painting, he reminisces about his childhood on the island--the overbearing mother's suppers, his faceless father's tinkerings, his first love, his sister's first love, the tics and twitches of his friend Neddie, and other bizarre happenings.

A fantastically and grotesquely unique offering from Canadian Guy Maddin. It's like a silent movie that would have driven 1920's audiences completely insane and likely kick-started an even Greater Depression. Vomit-inducing jump cuts, obscene camera angles, general fuzziness. It's a singularly odd effort, an oddness that is difficult to sustain in a movie that might be a little too lengthy for its own good. This thing toured (tours?) with guest narrators (Isabella Rossellini is the default narrator on the dvd, but I couldn't pass up the Crispin "Hellion" Glover option!), sound effects guys, an orchestra, and even a castrato. That'd be a hoot! Too bizarre for most tastes, but I really like this guy's voice. Spazzy montages set the mood; images melt into poetry and struggle to tell a tale or two. The title cards and the narration ("Good for dippin'" and "What's a suicide attempt without a wedding?") are very funny, especially when they completely clash with the imagery. And Katherine Scharhon, who plays young Guy's love interest Wendy and the alter-ego detective Chance Hale, needs to be in every single movie. To date, this is her only role. It's not a movie. It's an experience!

Pitfall

1962 something-rather

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Well, it's not about a guy running through a jungle and swinging over big holes or skipping across ponds on the heads of crocodiles but never ever getting anywhere. It is sort of like that though. A migrant worker and his son meander. Stalking them is a man in a white suit who at first just snaps photographs from afar but eventually attacks and fatally stabs the father. Oh, snap! He returns as a ghost and finds himself in a world of ghosts while he tries to uncover the mystery of why the man in the white suit killed him.

What a terrific debut movie from that Teshigahara dude! Some truly haunting moments. Hypnotic and cautiously paced, lots of wow moments abound in this little Kafka-esque existential ghost-mystery. The first walk through the ghost town, the unbroken shot of the chase preceding the murder, the first moments of the afterlife shared simultaneously for a pair of enemies, the landscape. There's surreal convolution--dips into a Lynchian syrup--and I wonder whether repeated viewings would help unravel things. Beautifully and ambitiously shot, and although it's not as experimental or weird as The Face of Another or as stunning as Woman in the Dunes, it's still an amazingly accomplished work for an auteur's debut. Depressing stuff, although Dylan saw quite a bit of it while working on some writing and kept laughing at it.

Ratatouille

2007 animated feature

Rating: 17/20 (Abbey: 20/20)

Plot: Remy is a rat with an atypical interest in fine cuisine. His interest leads to the forced retreat of his friends and family into the sewers of Paris. Meanwhile, Remy, led by (probably drug-fueled) hallucinations (maybe not drugs; maybe it's that special chemical imbalance that makes geniuses into geniuses), meets the son of his cooking idol. Together, they form a symbiotic relationship. The rat contributes cooking genius; the person uses hands. Interest in Gusteau's restaurant picks up, an interest that doesn't make the antagonists (the restaurant's owner Skinner who has more lucrative plans for frozen foods bearing Gusteau's name and a snobbish food critic Anton Ego who previously dismissed the restaurant and Gusteau's ideas that "anyone can cook") happy at all.

Every time Pixar makes a movie, I see the previews and predict that I'm finally going to be disappointed. And nearly every time, I've been pleasantly surprised. Not with Cars. That one's not that good. Ratatouille moves a step beyond pleasantly surprising into something pretty great, definitely higher echelon Pixar. For sentimental reasons, it's not my favorite Pixar movie, but it might be the most fully realized and consistently terrific one. The animation is shockingly great with that mix of things looking highly realistic and beautiful but not so realistic that you wonder, "Why is this even animated?" Enough of the cutesy remains. There are some scenes where there's so much going on, arguably too much action, but those Pixar details are still there. It's really unbelievable. The characters (and voice talent--Oswalt, Brad Garrett, Will Arnett, and especially Peter O'Toole as the critic) are great with the exception of one, actually the main human character who is distracting. Funny, energetic, suave, and touching. For whatever reason, the scene with the title food chokes me up a little bit. Typical Pixar with a great mix of creativity and heart. Better than The Incredibles, and I look forward to seeing what Brad Bird does next

The Long Goodbye

1973 comedic mystery

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Philip Marlow's stuck in the 1970's with his cat. After a desperate search for the right cat food, he helps a friend in need get to Mexico. This sets off a chain of events that forces surly Marlow into situations he'd probably rather not be in. Or maybe he doesn't really care all that much.

This is a quirky and misanthropic movie that is more Beat the Devil than The Big Sleep. Seems to be directed by Altman in a bad mood, a guy disgusted by people, 1970's America, Raymond Chandler, movies, and really anything else. It's just got that vibe. Having said that, it's still a really entertaining character study, and Gould does a great job creating that sort-of overblown stock character, almost like a caricature more than a believable actual living and breathing person. It's also a very funny movie. Not funny enough to laugh at though. Not ha-ha funny. I didn't LMAO. Odd, drifting movie with some smallish but really memorable scenes (the bottle, the suicide) and minor characters hovering around the lunatic fringe. It's definitely the type of movie that grows with subsequent watchings which, according to my father, is one thing that makes a movie really great. Along with Gould, I really liked the performance of Sterling Hayden as the writer. A mute Arnold Swarzeneggar is also in this, but I don't think it predates Hercules in New York as his first film role.

Raiders of the Lost Ark (Again?)

For purposes of clarification. . .

If a guy is trying to watch 365 movies in one year and is falling further and further behind, does he get to count a movie that he already watched once this year but was forced to watch again yesterday as it was played at his school to reward the students for their uninspiring mediocrity during the first grading period of the school year?

I think I'm going to have to count it.

The Lodger

1944 thriller

Rating: 16/20

Plot: In this hilarious prequel to the television sitcom Three's Company, Jack Tripper is on the loose in London, spilling the blood of showgirls and whores and fooling Mr. Furley into thinking he's gay. It works because he's British and went to good schools and therefore fairly gayish. Scotland Yard gets involved after a scam involving Thighmaster knock-offs rips off some large-thighed and desperate women.

Shadows and fog, fog and shadows. Moments lag, but when this thing's good, it's really good. Very atmospheric right from the opening scene where the camera floats over a moody street littered with shadows of policemen and drunkards. I like how the camera moves in this one, and the acting (almost over the top) is good. There are some great scenes here--an awesome finale, a a killing, another killing. I've not seen the original version of this (silent Hitchcock). This has the style and feel of a silent film actually. The one main difference, I suppose, is that the characters talk a lot in this one.