Lust in the Dust

1985 western comedy

Rating: 5/20

Plot: A wanderer who at first has no name and then later does have a name (I've forgotten it.) meets up with one of the filthiest women alive somewhere in the desert. They travel to Chili Verde where they meet the busty proprietor of a brothel/tavern, an elderly whore, a younger whore, a piano player named Red Dick, a priest, and some Mexicans. Later, the Hard Case Gang shows up. They all have one interest in mind--hidden gold! Using a limerick and two halves of a map tatooed on the behinds of the female characters (no, I'm not kidding), they figure out where the treasure is hidden and race to grab the prize.

I picked this up for three reasons. 1) The review on the cover: "It would've made John Wayne lose his lunch!" 2) It stars Divine in a movie that isn't a John Waters' movie. She accidentally breaks a midget's neck while being orally pleasured by him. That's something. 3) I noticed last week that I hadn't given a movie a 5/20 yet and thought this looked like a good candidate. Silliness abounds, but it's unfortunately not very entertaining silliness. It doesn't seem like the director (Paul Bartel of Eating Raoul and Death Race 2000 infamy) knows whether he wants to make something completely campy or something a little more subtle, and as a result, it doesn't work on any level. The action sucks, the comedy sucks, the sex scenes suck, the plot sucks, and the writing sucks. Oh, and the acting. It sucks. There's some entertainment value here, but probably not enough to ever watch it again.

Here I am enjoying Lust in the Dust, probably wishing there was a little more dust: