Bicentennial Man

1999 garbage

Rating: 4/20

Plot: A boring family purchases an android and they quickly realize that he's not an ordinary robot. He seems to have more emotion than your average android, and he has a creative side. Then he wants to be a human. Blah blah blah.

The makers of this need to confess that they stole the idea from 1980's television show, Small Wonder. Unfortunately for anybody seeing this movie, this lacks the charm and wit and coherency of that sitcom. And when your movie isn't as good as Small Wonder, you've got a big problem. The offenses in this movie are reminiscent of everything that's wrong with E.T. and A.I, two of the most offensive movies ever made. Manipulative, ultra-corny, and stupidly written, Bicentennial Man has almost nothing at all going for it. It doesn't work as comedy, but in its defense, I'm not sure it's even supposed to be a comedy. It doesn't work as science fiction or drama because it doesn't make sense consistently. I couldn't believe how bad this movie was during the first twenty minutes, but it continued to shock and reshock me by gradually getting worse. By the time a second robot is added to the storyline, I was almost ready to go to the store, purchase a new television, and then throw the new television through the television I was watching just because it seemed like the right thing to do. I know the oldest daughter wasn't talking about the film her character was in when she said "It's stupid" and "I think it sucks," but I can't think of a more accurate way to describe this garbage. Oh, the biggest stain of all? Hallie Kate Eisenberg, the curly-headed and dimpled annoying child who was in some popular Pepsi commercials around this time. I actually stopped drinking Pepsi products because of her, and now here she is in Bicentennial Man. God damn it all! Why I didn't gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon and stop watching this during the first twenty Hallie Kate Eisenberg-filled minutes is a mystery to me. And in looking up her name, I've noticed that she's the sister of Jesse Eisenberg. I now hate the entire Eisenberg family. God damn it!

I might be in a bad mood, but if I am, Bicentennial Man is the reason.


Karl Smith said...

Okay so first of all the Bicentennial Man is a book written by Science Fiction legend 'Isaac Asimov' - who wrote it in the 1940s, 50 years before whatever the hell that show was called, so if anyone stole anything it would be them (not suggesting they did mind)

Now the movie may not have alot of merit in the modern day world but the book was literally groundbreaking, it changed how people viewed simple mechanic mechanisms.

Asimov has been deemed the father of robotics because of his work and love of robotics, he basically created the concept that robots aren't villains - big hulking machines that destroy people and can be used as appliances.

This film is a tribute to his work, if you pay attention and have a true fascination with Science Fiction you'll enjoy it and if not pick up the book! - You could find it in a charity shop for 25p nowadays

That is my opinion on your opinion

Shane said...

Hey, Karl. Thanks for your comment!

I've not read the Asimov book. I've not read any Asimov since before I could even understand the books very well actually. I like science fiction fine, and I'll get my hands on a copy of the book which I'm sure I'll like better. Would you really consider this movie to be a good film adaptation?

My comparison to the television show 'Small Wonder' was an attempt at a joke. I don't take things very seriously a lot of the time.

I did see this when I was in a really foul mood, more than likely because I had to see Hallie Kate Eisenburg.

Again, thanks for your opinion on my opinion. I don't get very much action on this blog, probably because my 'Small Wonder' references aren't as funny as I think they are.